MY PPPPPleasures in Life

Nothing worth having ...

2007-10-22T15:48:00.000-04:00

I'm sure everyone else's parents joined mine in repeating ridiculous cliches that nobody ever paid attention to like, "wear clean underwear so if you're ever in a car accident ... " and "Nothing worth having comes easy" and "wear a condom." You know...pointless crap like that.

But as I get older, not only do I find myself checking my daughter's underwear for skidmarks, but I wholeheartedly believe that you will be made to suffer for everything in your life that is worth having.

As some of you know, and even fewer of you care, I started my own business in June. Money has been trickling in, but only a fraction of my previous income. This has led to an inordinate amount of strife and sacrifice within my family. After I donked off the last few dollars in my Full Tilt account, one of the sacrifices I had to make was poker (and indirectly this blog once I found out that nobody cares about what I have to say outside of my poker disasters).

I always knew I enjoyed the game, but I never realized what a place in my life it had taken until I could no longer piss away $125 a month in "entertainment" entry fees on Full Tilt. I had been a voracious reader of poker books, infrequent poster on message boards, avid podcast listener...all in an attempt to improve my lot in my game of choice. But once the money dried up and I could no longer ply my trade (hobby), I lost interest in those learning tools as well. Like a former athlete who cannot watch the game he/she once loved. Okay, maybe a really bad athlete who gave up sports to be an athletic trainer in high school...that's more in line with my poker skills.

All of that sob story out in the open, I recently closed a deal that will allow the family both to eat outside of soup kitchens and allow me to dive back into the Full Tilt landscape. Thankfully, just in time for BBTwo.

So good news everyone...dead money coming out!

The more things change...

2007-10-14T20:02:00.001-04:00

Blue Jackets get blown out...Ohio State is number 1 in the country...and a promising fantasy football season goes in the toilet.

I drafted Thomas Jones. I dropped Thomas Jones. This morning.

The lesson as always...I'm an idiot.

Change in direction...

2007-10-13T13:08:00.000-04:00

I have been writing this blog for others...for poker players and poker bloggers in the hopes that I'd be allowed into their (degenerate) inner circle. And yet, when you don't have any money to play poker, it's a little difficult to write about it. I was trying to write it for the horse racing industry to highlight the good in racing and try to attract more fans. Lately, with every major announcement involving drugs, cheating, online sites precluding many of us from watching certain races out of pure greed...how can I, in good conscience, try to bring ANYONE in as a fan. My recommendations will be the same as they have always been. Everyone needs to attend the Kentucky Derby, the fall races at Keeneland and the Little Brown Jug. And everyone needs to watch the Breeder's Cup and the Saratoga/Meadowlands double card on Hambletonian elimination day.

All of that said, I'm sure my readers will shrink from two to zero, but I am just going to start writing this for myself. Without any thought to anyone who may (or may not) be reading this. Therefore much of this may bore you. Some of it may confuse you. Hopefully some of it will enrage you. But the bottom line is it will "cleanse" me.

First thought...first departure from the old format...some dolt on ESPN wrote this about MY hockey team...the Columbus Blue Jackets.

"Pascal Leclaire, G, Blue Jackets: Let me be clear here; his perceived value has gone up. That's all. He's still Pascal Leclaire and I wouldn't touch him with a borrowed 10-foot pole. Back-to-back shuthouts doesn't change the fact that Leclaire had a .897 save percentage last season and that the Blue Jackets are, and I can't stress this enough, a terrible, terrible team. There are very few wins to be had here, and a whole lot of damage to be done to your save percentage and goals-against average. Don't do it."

Now...I agree to a certain extent. The Blue Jackets are (most likely) not going to be playing any meaningful games after the first of the year. They're (most likely) not making the playoffs. But anyone who knows anything about competition, not even about hockey, knows that this year the Blue Jackets are competing. Even teams with sub-par talent who compete cannot be "terrible, terrible."

So with all due respect for ripping off The Colbert Report ... a wag of the finger to you, Mr. Pete Decker. May you always be relegated to playing fourth fiddle to the "Talentless" Mr. Roto (who wouldn't have a legitimate, unique thought if all of the other fantasy writers died in a tragic cold cut buffet collapse at the yearly Vegas convention).

Just no time...and no money...

2007-09-28T08:53:00.001-04:00

With a family and a new business...it is funny how the blog just doesn't seem important anymore. That said, somehow I found time to do this stupid thing that a few of the more "active" bloggers have done. My wife will be pleased to see my lack of nerd-dom.

Send check to wippy1313 c/o ...

2007-09-06T14:12:00.000-04:00

Blogger fantasy draft is now complete and I am confident in my superiority. The key to any fantasy draft, despite what podcasters and "experts" might tell you, is not discerning who is going to be the starting running back for the Falcons. If you're relying on Dunn or Norwood, you're in trouble. No, the key is understanding the league rules.

Virtually every fantasy league today operates under different rules. Some start x number of players and some start x+1...some give extra points for a TD of a certain length. The key is to understand those rules and exploit them in the draft. In this blogger league, QBs are given six points for a touchdown pass (same as RB and WR scoring a TD) and that makes them infinitely more valuable than 90% of the leagues out there. Key to this draft was getting what I consider to be one of the top four QBs in the league: Manning, Palmer, Brady and Brees. I ran numerous simulations and the QBs were, without a doubt, the most critical players.

So with the 8th pick in the first round, I was convinced I was going to get Manning. And as the picks went off the board, it was playing out exactly as I had expected. Tomlinson, Jackson, Johnson, Addai...all the players who are fantastic in most leagues, but not the best players in this league. Granted, had I had the #1 pick, I would have probably taken Tomlinson because he is so far and away the best RB, the others were over-rated. Then, the unthinkable happened. Schaubs took Manning right before me (Schaubs had a great draft). I was left looking at a Willie Parker vs. Palmer scenario. I took Palmer. And guess what? Parker was available coming back.

Long story short, I stuck to my guns, devalued WR and TE and highly valued QB and DEF and took a kicker with my final selection. Team looks like this:

QB
Palmer
Leinart

RB
Parker
Thomas Jones
Lamont Jordan
Ladell Betts

WR
Holt
Driver
Bruce
Santonio Holmes

TE
Cooley

DEF
Ravens

K
Graham

Back-up RBs are potentially superstars, but not confidently solid. Could be an issue. Bruce is an injury risk and Holt is already hurt, but I like my WR. Side note on Holt: I actually wanted to take either Javon Walker or Roy Williams, but with my clock reading 1:20 left to make a pick, it auto-picked Holt. I raised the issue with the commish...he gave me Walker...but I asked him to reverse it given the cacophony of moaning from the other players. If Holt's knee continues to be a problem, that could be the difference.

All-in-all, I feel relatively confident. There are still a few good players on the waiver wire and I think I have a good core. But the key is having a good QB. Those starting Romo, Hasselbeck, et al are at a real disadvantage. Then again, the guy starting Hasselbeck has Tomlinson...sooooo...

Look up: Non-sequitor

2007-09-05T20:57:00.000-04:00

Blogger fantasy draft starts in one hour.

I bought my three-year-old a hamster last night.

May the lord have mercy on my soul.

Anybody need a RB?

2007-09-03T14:07:00.000-04:00

My brother put together a last minute fantasy football league on espn.com for our family...so they can dip their toes in the water. No money. I know, what's the point, right? Well, the only reason I'm mentioning it is that if I can make this thing competitive it will be a miracle. I missed the first 13 rounds of the 17 round draft due to a prior commitment and when I got back, I had eight running backs, two tight ends and three wide receivers. One running back was Jamal Lewis. One WR was Terry Glenn, one was Joe Horn and the other was Roy Williams (thankfully).

I drafted Jay Cutler, Pittsburgh D/ST, Brandon Marshall, Olindo Mare...I already traded Thomas Jones and Terry Glenn for Marques Colston...so I'm pretty happy with my starting line-up...but my back-ups need help.

Stay tuned.

Sorry to disappoint...

2007-08-30T14:53:00.000-04:00

On Sunday night, I attended the annual draft of a fantasy football league that my dad and I have been in for years (well over 15). Many of the guys in it are those I play live poker with most frequently and also the meager stable of regular readers this blog boasts. The resounding message was: "For the love of God, PLEASE start writing about poker again...your other posts are boring and they suck."

A few even offered to give me some money to put into FT to get me writing about poker again. Wippy1313 on FT boys...until then ...

Speaking of fantasy football, given that the readers of this blog are my competition in the WLAG league at home, I will probably spend most of the time on here talking about my team in the "Bloggers are Ghey" league on fanball. It's ten poker bloggers, $100 entry fee...why, you ask, would I talk about that league on here, but not the other one? Because all of those poker bloggers are excellent poker players and have blogs FAR superior to mine. Therefore, they NEVER read this crap.

Draft is next Wednesday night.

If a presidential candidate breaks an appendage...should we shoot them?

2007-08-22T16:07:00.000-04:00

While watching an entire news segment on what the wife of a junior senator supposedly said about a female presidential candidate, that followed what the wife of a former Senator, hedge fund icon said about a right-wing wacko that only the most radical and deranged human beings even thinks is a real person...I expected the next story to be about the heat wave of '08 or the summer olympics.

Then it hit me. It's still 2007. The election is well over a year away.

I changed the channel, settled on my favorite spot on the directv remote and I started hearing about a two-year-old that just won an allowance race at Saratoga in his first start. Apparently he showed the making of a Derby winner. Okay, maybe it's not November '08, but it has to be March or April '08 if we're talking about a Kentucky Derby (presented by Yum! Brands), right? Nope. Still 2007.

You know...while political pundits often use the term "horse race" to describe presidential politics, there really are a lot of similarities.

1) The ridiculous advance hype is nothing more than fodder for talk shows and drunken debate. Whether Obama gets the endorsement of an immigrant grocer in April 2007 has ZERO impact on the 2008 presidential election. Likewise, a horse's maiden win at Saratoga tells us virtually nothing about the horse's long-term potential. Many Derby winners don't even win their last start before the Derby.

2) There is inevitably an early favorite for the big event that crashes and burns before the big day, whether due to injury (RIP Merv Griffin...may vowels be discounted for you in the great beyond) or due to complete lunacy.

3) There is always one contender who keeps everyone wondering, tongues-wagging over whether or not they will enter the race. And uniformly they wouldn't have a shot anyway. But that doesn't cease speculation or the tired stories about the "Trophy Wife" or the colt vs. fillies

4) There is excessive gambling on both.

5) Each season, there is a horse or a candidate that performs excessively well in a prep for their big moment. They weren't really a factor for the last year or 15 years, but one race over a fluke track or one surprisingly "unsucky" debate or meaningless partisan straw poll and suddenly, their zero percent chance of victory increases exponentially. Of course they always lose. Badly.

6) Both are really "sports" for true blue-bloods. Sure there are examples of lower-class citizens making serious runs at the winner's circle and the White House , but it is those with the best bloodlines and that are insured for the most that are the real contenders.

7) Regardless of what those inside the beltway and the folk between the twin spires say, both are still dominated by men.

8) Perhaps the most glaring and unexplained is the tendency for also-rans to go from the proverbial penthouse to the outhouse. Every year, there are several favorites for the Derby. The day of, there are usually several staunch camps who are convinced their horse is going to win based on supreme past performance, pedigree and workouts. And every year, only one camp is correct. But how many times does a horse go from one of those favorites in the Derby to an allowance grass race or bringing up the rear in the Ohio Derby? How could they have possibly been that good leading up to the Derby that they are one of the favorites to win the most celebrated race in the equine world...yet post-race, they're barely worth the hay they eat? Now...re-read that and replace Derby with Presidency, horses with candidates, workouts with debates and the Ohio Derby with obscure, reclusive Massachusetts senator.

Think about it.

Vick, Ankiel, Donaghy, Imus, Bonds, Whitlock, Perverts

2007-08-21T09:18:00.001-04:00

Yes...I'm going to attempt to weave all of these into this blog. Come along for the ride.

In my minimal and unsuccessful blogging experience, there are two types of blogs (no, not ones with naked women versus ones without naked women ... perverts). The two types are blogs that initially jump into your mind and fingers and you simply cannot wait to pound them into the blank canvas that is blogspot and blogs that "marinate" and fester and keep you awake at night until you figure out how to do them justice. This blog is decidedly the latter. It has truthfully been months in the making. And I hope I adequately convey the thoughts that have ruined many a night's sleep.

Before I dive into the meat of this story, let me get one thing straight so there's no confusion.

I hate Jason Whitlock.

He has always raised my ire with his early predisposition for reverse racism which has now transformed into frequent columns and positions causing many in the black community to call him an "Uncle Tom." This may be unfair, I admit, but it seems to me that Jason Whitlock lives to draw criticism and media coverage whether that be his unceremonious departure from ESPN or his "anti-Rutgers" position in the whole Don Imus situation. Okay, now that is out of the way, let me also get one thing straight so there's no confusion.

I agree with Jason Whitlock on one crucial issue: sports are nothing more than entertainment and the difference between the various acronyms (NFL, MLB, NBA, etc) and the WWE is drawing ever closer.

This was a statement Whitlock made some time back on the "Sports Reporters" and was essentially the beginning of the end of the relationship between ESPN and Whitlock. The show was discussing Barry Bonds and steroids at the time (as they have for the better part of a decade it seems) and Mike Lupica was advocating pseudo-McCarthyism/21st Century Salem Witch Trials to go after those doping and using steroids in sports. His righteous indignation was oozing from beneath his top-of-the-line Men's Wearhouse finery and it was obvious he was secure in assuming everyone was with him on this issue. To Lupica, sports are an institution, an untarnished eutopia of all that is good and pure, a daily or weekly struggle of two forces of good nature, hard work and preparation in a Darwinian struggle for our respect and admiration.

Suddenly, Lupica's momentum was brought to a screeching halt as Whitlock declared that to him, sports are nothing more than entertainment. The looks on Mitch Albom and Lupica's faces were genuine, abject horror. I looked on, screaming at the long-time object of my loathing that he was an idiot. To you, Mr. Whitlock, on this issue, I owe you an apology.

See, to many, especially sports writers, sports hover somewhere between human and heaven, theoretically never to actually collide with either. The truth is, sports are nothing more than a microcosm of society in the same way that TV dramas and movies reflect the times and the issues facing their viewers. They are not above real life, they are life. Both the entertainment and sports industries manufacture heroes. They merchandise the hell out of them. But does anyone actually believe that Martin Sheen is the President of the United States? No. No matter how much they wish he were.

And likewise, nobody should look at Charles Barkley and see a hero...a hard-working, tough nosed basketball player who overcame his physical limitations to be one of the best rebounders in the history of the NBA. That's his SPORTS persona. He is not a real life hero: he told you as much. Once that jersey is sweatily and safely hanging in the locker after a game, he ceases to be Sir Charles. He is just Chuck. Just Charles.

So then...why do the Lupicas of the world insist that sports are some bastion for the holier than thou? The answer always is: because once, the game was great. Once, players played for the love of the game, not the money. Once, players like Gehrig and Robinson and Ali and Thorpe roamed the fields, courts and rings of sport. THEY were heroes. Sports and its participants were people to be revered. Players like Joe DiMaggio even fought in World War II!

Well guess what? So did over 16 million other Americans. They too, were heroes...even if they never donned the pinstripes. Sports were a microcosm of society. Was Jackie Robinson a hero for "breaking the color barrier?" Absolutely. But so were Rosa Parks. And Martin Luther King, Jr. And I don't remember them ever touting their Wonderlic score or vertical leap. Robinson's accomplishments, while historic, were not unique. There were color barriers breaking all over the United States.

But guess what. For every DiMaggio, there was a Ty Cobb. For every Robinson, there was a Jim Brown who, while touting improvements in race relations, was repeatedly assaulting wives and girlfriends. But were there more heroes in DiMaggio's baseball than in Canseco's baseball? Sure. But were there more houses left unlocked in the 40s and 50s? Were there fewer gun and drug-related crimes? Was America unequivocally a better place to live than it is today? Absolutely. Sports are a microcosm of society.

Are you with me so far? Regardless, I have the power to keep writing. Okay, even if you agree with this premise, that sports aren't and never have been some above-reproach panacea for the world's ills and those that play sports are simply humans, what is left? Entertainment. I firmly believe it is this longing for a simpler. better time that is at the root of our desires to place sports and athletes on a pedestal. That, along with the fact that the highlight of too many men's lives are their high school exploits and therefore they are left to live vicariously through the professional combatants in their respective sports.

But the historical perspective is the primary of the two. It is almost as if the sports intelligentsia feel as if they owe a debt to those that have come before. The real heroes. They owe a debt to protect their "game" ... protect their place in its pantheon of greats. This is at the core of record and drug controversies. While many people would argue that you cannot compare eras in the various sports, what are records except a medium to compare eras? Wilt Chamberlain holds MOST NBA scoring records. And yet there are few who would argue that Wilt is the best player, and CERTAINLY not the best scorer, in the history of the NBA. If records are so important, then shouldn't he be the best player? Nope. So if those records aren't used to select the best player, what are they designed to do?

This brings us to Barry Bonds. And Lance Armstrong. And others. Did Barry Bonds use steroids? You better freaking believe it. But did Palmeiro? Yep. McGwire? Uh huh. Did Bonds hit more home runs than those guys? Sure did. Is Bonds a better home run hitter than Ruth? Who knows. Different eras, bodies and bats. But Ruth was the best in his era. Bonds is the best in his. But Bonds extra home runs aren't the deciding factor in who is a better player. So what is the freaking fuss? Likewise with Lance Armstrong. If we have learned anything from cycling since his retirement, it's that freaking EVERYONE in that "sport" is using something. Allegations of doping by Armstrong shouldn't diminish his amazing accomplishments in the least bit.

Am I advocating using steroids? Absolutely not. Should they be tested for? Undoubtedly. We do not want our games to turn into the all-drug Olympics. But we're never going to be able to test for everything. Someone is going to be on something. But are we going to put an asterisk beside every game, every record? Of course not. That's ridiculous. The fundamental question is, does it matter? The answer is no. Sports are entertainment. Rick Ankiel's return to the Major Leagues as an outfielder, after completely losing his freaking mind and doing his best "Wild Thing" impersonation...that's a fantastic story. One of the best in a long time. Does anyone think, "this is a great story, but if he's drinking coffee for extra energy, it all goes for naught." Sports are the first reality show. Unscripted drama. Entertainment.

This brings us to Donaghy. Why are officials banned from playing blackjack? Why this outrage against an official when players in the NBA are routinely involved in shootings, drug crimes, strangulations, etc.? Because officials in a blackjack pit or Donaghy involved with bookies trashes the concept that this is UNSCRIPTED drama. "Fans" of the NBA want to suspend disbelief that everything in sports is completely on the up-and-up. Common, Las Vegas gamblers don't want to think they could be parlaying their $5 on a pre-determined outcome. It destroys the image. Don't believe me? Why then has the Rick Tocchet and Janet Gretzky gambling cesspool not captured and sickened America? Because nobody cares about the NHL. It doesn't even have an image to protect.

This brings the discussion to Vick. Why is he being vilified? Sure, he committed a felony. But so have a lot of others. That's not at the core. Fundamentally, the people that run the NBA, the NFL, MLB, etc. understand that they are in a business. The entertainment business. And what happens when Tom Cruise goes completely insane? His movie box office receipts suffer. So why did Pacman Jones get suspended before he was convicted? Why was Michael Vick asked not to report to training camp? Because they were bad for business. Pacman is just an idiot...a felonious idiot who stands for everything the NFL tries NOT to portray.

But Vick. Vick's reprehensible actions touched the emotions of every pet-owner in America, not to mention angered a loony, but loud, activist group. Did you EVER hear the NFL stand-up for him? Even before the facts were known? How many sports figures and celebrities have drug out their trials, received ridiculous verdicts, etc. Did you notice Vick was hung out to dry and agreed to jailtime almost instantly? He committed the ultimate sin of committing a crime that could not be washed away by an insincere trip to an alcohol recovery facility. He was bad for business. People might stop buying the merchandise, going to the box office, I mean ticket office.

You don't believe me? You think this is cynical, borderline conspiracy theory? I assure you, my coffee isn't padlocked in my padlocked fridge...although perhaps it should be. Let me give you a prime example. Barry Bonds. We've discussed his "atrocities" and he is being crucified...rightly or wrongly. Explain Jason Giambi's situation to me. His steroid use was leaked in the SAME grand jury testimony as Bonds. Surely he is receiving the same treatment, right? I mean, he was MVP during his reign of needles. That should be revoked, right? Hardly. He, in fact, received the Comeback Player of the Year given out by, you guessed it, Major League Baseball. Why? Because he was contrite. Because he was a "feel-good" story. Bonds on the other hand, viciously attacked the pristine record books. Bonds is an asshole. Bonds refused to apologize. He is crucified, while Giambi is lauded. The difference? Image. Entertainment.

Does this only apply to pro sports? Absolutely not. How many college players have been arrested and yet upon their return to the team, they are cheered by the alumni faithful? At my the object of my own Saturday afternoon reverence, we have carried many a criminal on our figurative shoulders while Maurice Clarrett is one of the words you'll be fined for saying out loud. Why? Not because of his crimes. Not because of the shame he brought to the University. But because he only brought ONE national championship to the school. Cris Carter was kicked out of school, but because he put in several good years, he is now a iconic figure.

But the fundamental question is, does this matter? It does and it doesn't. It doesn't matter because sports are what they are. And we love them for it. We love cheering our team. We love revering our "heroes" and crucifying our villains. We love the drama on Saturdays, or Sundays or any other day of the week. We love to be entertained. But we need to see it for what it is and not place undue appreciation and reverence upon our sports or its participants. It DOES matter because rules are rules and crimes are crimes and EVERYONE needs to be treated the same. That is fairness. That is justice. Am I saying Bonds' record shouldn't be stricken? Not necessarily. But then Giambi's MVP must be revoked (he can keep the comeback player of the year..who cares).

Even in reality shows, there are rules that must be obeyed for them to retain credibility. And lord knows we can't get enough of those. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to split screen Top Chef and the Yankees.

A lesser man wouldn't post this...

2007-08-20T07:56:00.001-04:00

Remember that when you're reading and shaking your head at what a disaster I am.

The FTOPS main event was yesterday...in FTOPS IV, I qualified for the ME and went deep without cashing and it has haunted me ever since. This time around, with $2 million at stake, I was just convinced it was my turn. But as astute readers of this drivel will know, my account was empty. SOOOOO...after saving a little cash this week, I dropped $75 in the account to take a run at the satellite on Saturday night.

I truthfully cannot even tell you how I busted. I was never engaged, never really got a hand...and yet I still outlasted over 500 of the 1,200 entrants. Says more about them than it does about me. The only thing I can say is that I played with scared money. I knew that this was my chance and played very cautiously. With A-K, I flopped a K on a somewhat ragged board, but with four other people in the pot, I worried about trips. I played small-ball poker to the river when runner-runner spades completed a possible flush. With three of us left in, original bettor tossed 300 at a 1,200 pot. I just called. Third player popped it another 1,100. With 2,000 left, I talked myself into the fact that he had backed into a flush and folded. He showed KQ. I NEVER lay that down ordinarily. I would have gone back through the hand and the story just wouldn't add up...so I make the call. But playing with scared money ...

The only thing worse is playing with STUPID money and that's what I did on Sunday. I signed-on with a plethora of $24 +2 satellites going on. I only had $20. So I jumped into a PL Omaha table hoping to run it up. After getting up to $24, I got knocked down to $9 and got it all-in with a pair and a straight draw after a big pot developed and I just hoped to get a piece...knowing full well I was WAAAAAAY behind. Understatement. Bayne_s had a full boat. As LJ said, "That's what you get for playing with Bayne." Touche.

FTOPS V comes and goes with my participating in a measly one event (HORSE) and 0 cashes. That makes three total FTOPS events for me, one cash. Next time around, I will have a bankroll and take FTOPS by storm. Mark my words.

But congratulations to cmitch who took this main event by storm with a finish around 80 and a several thousand dollar payday. I know he's slightly disappointed he didn't go deeper, but that's quite a performance if you ask me. And a begrudging congratulations to jbaggs who finished sixth in the ME for a five figure score. This SOB is the one who ran the KQ bluff on me in the satellite.

Ugh.

The blog's next phase

2007-08-15T12:49:00.000-04:00

First, let's get this straight...I am not giving up poker. I will continue to look for options to play live and will continue to follow the business of poker. That said, there just simply isn't any money to re-load my FT account (or my long-ignored Stars account) until my business begins to take off. So as far as poker content, it may be little and far between for the time being. And yet, I have really come to appreciate this as an outlet for my thoughts...poker related or not. So I hope some of you will continue down this road with me while I explore other topics and other parts of my consciousness outside the realm of poker.

Especially those Walter Mathieu fans that have found me. Thank you, Google.

Now a question to any fellow bloggers reading this. How in the world do you find time to blog every day or even every other day? There are so many times during the day (and even more at night) that I think of a topic, but simply cannot find time to write it. Compound that with the fact that when I want to actually tackle an issue, I want to do it justice. Cranking out poker content is easy. But to take on an issue like Barry Bonds, presidential politics, parenting or others, I want to draft a product I am proud of...not one that simply ensures my traffic continues to spike due to a new post. I would love to hear any thoughts.

Until I can tackle some of the larger issues properly, here are a few random thoughts:

-- Is anyone as distressed at Drew Carey taking over the Price is Right as much as I am? Carey is an Ohio boy...I watched his sit-com periodically. I don't begrudge him success. But when the you can't some up with anything better than "Buzz Beer" to name your fictional home-brew or star of your show is a hideously painted creature with a voice capable of breaking every light bulb on the strip after one sentence...are you really in a position to take over for an American icon? How many of us played hooky from school/work, er, were legitimately sick (read: hungover), and thanked the good lord that Price is Right existed so that there was something worth watching on daytime TV...pre-online poker of course. Cliffhanger, Plinko, Rod Roddy, Showcase Showdown, "Have your pets spayed or neutered,"punch-a-bunch...all became parts of the American lexicon thanks to this watershed game show. This is not to mention the hideously wrinkling and shudder-inducing "Barker's Beauties" or the fact that Barker himself died 15 years ago and has been replaced with an animatronic proto-type with a 500-word vocabulary and minimal facial expressions. None of it matters. Bob Barker (or his robot alter-ego) IS Price is Right. And I swear to God, if anyone steps up to play 5 Price Tags or the grocery game and one of the items is Buzz Beer, I'll start the "Kill Drew" campaign.

-- Can anyone with depression adequately relay what it does to your psyche, your moods and your relationships? I indicated in an earlier blog that I am struggling with this condition, am taking medication...and I have noticed my interactions with friends, family and clients are dramatically better. Then there are those "other" times. Times where I feel utterly alone, incapable of anything resembling constructive thought or productive work and my entire outlook on the world and life has a distinctly gray tinge to it. It's those times I seem incapable of describing. My wife is left helpless, wanting to "cure" it, but devastated and angry at the transformation and has inexplicably come over me. I know she can't cure it. But I so desperately want her to be able to understand.

-- What is a more distressing outcome of the internet...blog hacks cranking out material on poker and Bob Barker or podcast morons cranking out pointless banter that is subscribed to by thousands of zombies with the "if it's on the internet, it has to be good" mindset. At least you can't hear my pre-pubescent, tentative monotone vocal output through this blog. You may lament the fact that I don't have a "writer's voice" ... but it's nothing that can make yours ears shrivel. And yet, everyone with a laptop microphone, a stupid hobby and a TON of free-time is rushing to "podcast." There are some DREADFUL ones out there...ones with the validity of being on i-tunes, that can literally make my stomach churn. I liken it to people putting microphones in people's basements or in their cars during 16-hour car trips and just recording the outcome. The production value is similar, the lack of purpose, the inane topics are essentially the same.

-- On a related topic, are Americans too busy podcasting and blogging to do anything productive? Our educational prowess, corporate might and dominance over certain Olympic sports have all diminished dramatically. But even worse is the state of American music. Can you name one non-American Idol creation, non-rapper and non-hillbilly (no offense) musician that is worth ANYTHING that has come out of the US lately? In a nation of this size, there HAS to be someone with some lyrical and vocal talent. I was flipping through my Ipod playlist today and found: Stephen Fretwell, Damien Rice, Arctic Monkeys, Amy Winehouse, Tragically Hip, James Blunt (I know, I know), Evanescence, Death Cab for Cutie, Kellie Pickler's implants...all are either foreign bands/musicians or American Idol creations. Seriously...name one American musician from the last 5-10 years that's worth a damn. And if ANYONE says Fergie, Jessica Simpson, Justin Timberlake, Fall Out Boy or Nickelback I swear I will puke.

It'll get better, I swear...keep coming back.

** NOTE: For those of you smart enough to figure this out, yes, you're correct. My goal with this blog was to be SO boring and devoid of anything resembling humor that SOMEONE re-loads my FT account so I can go back to writing about my laughter-inducing and pathetic poker exploits.

Mission accomplished.

I'm an honest to God disaster...

2007-08-13T12:37:00.000-04:00

SOOOOO...I found out last week that my father-in-law has to have immediate open-heart surgery. As a result, we needed to go to Pittsburgh to spend some time with him and have him see his grand-daughters before his procedure. The secondary impact of that is, of course, a lack of any FTOPS participation over the weekend due to the fact that my in-laws are still running an Apple IIc and don't have internet access. SOOOOO...of course I took the $50 +5 I had budgeted for FTOPS 6 satellite and took a run at the turbo PL HE event.

It ended...poorly.

I was actually cruising along rather well, still in the top 100 and in a position to get a seat when I got pocket queens in the cutoff. With blinds at 120/240, I had over 3,000 which was healthy at the time, but as is oft the case in Turbos, it was going to become desperate rather quickly. The UTG player called and UTG+2 bumped it to 720. I didn't particularly respect that raise, I knew he had something, but I thought my queens were best. To try to isolate him, I bet pot (2,760). The button promptly went all-in for his last 1,100. Blinds folded and UTG limper folded and the initial raiser called. I figured I was up against an under-pair and AK or AQ.

As you can see, not exactly:

That knocked me down to under 500 chips and clearly in a desperate situation. With the blinds coming around, I pushed with one of my least favorite all-in hands, A9 and doubled-up:

Still massively short-stacked, I picked up another Ace-rag in the BB and pushed on a limper. He called with face cards and a paired-ace doubled me up again:

Almost in position again to get a seat, I was beginning to think it was my destiny to stage a fantastic come-back and cash again in the PL HE FTOPS...this was my event. I own PL HE. Allen Cunningham can kiss my ass.

Or not.

On the button, with KQ, action limped around to me and a very short-stack in the SB, I bet pot hoping to just pick up the blinds. As expected, SB called with nothing, but BB re-raised me pot. Tank, here I come. I really didn't think he had a hand...I figured that he saw me raise from the button and that I wouldn't be willing to risk my tournament life on a steal. But he wasn't a reckless player and something told me he had a hand. I was prepared to fold, but here is where my lack of a psychological game killed me once again. I thought, well, if I fold, I would "only" have a little over 1,000 chips left...so even if he has AA, KK, QQ or JJ I'm better off to try to draw out on him than be stuck with "only" 1,000 chips. So I called. And you see the result.

What kind of moron must I be to be sitting in position for a seat, be re-raised, think I was on the bad end of it, having just come back from less than 500 chips and to give-up and just call because trying to draw-out is better than being left with 1,000 chips? Pathetic. Just pathetic. So I went out in 140ish with top 110ish getting seats. There are no excuses. I'm an idiot.

That said, I really hope my few readers enjoy things other than poker. Politics, sports, my daughters, paint colors, fantasy football and patio furniture, because with .29 in my FT account and no re-loading money in the offing, this is going to turn into a general interest blog in a hurry. Good-bye FTOPS, good-bye bankroll...I hardly knew ye.

You know who I hate almost as much as Phil Gordon? David Singer. And Allen Cunningham.

2007-08-10T12:49:00.000-04:00

At some point you would think I would accept blame for my own play and my own lack of "mental game." Naah. After the named poker pros, I would also like to blame FT. Over 1,000 players entered FTOPS Event #2, the HORSE event. So what do you suppose it paid? 200 spots? 100? Nope. 56. Top 5%. The minimum payout for that 55 was over $1,100. Now, I understand what you're BOTH thinking: well, if you play to win, it shouldn't matter. True. But now let's be realistic. For me, at this point, FTOPS is about satelliting in and hoping to cash. That's my goal. And when that goal requires being in the top 5%...chances are pretty slim.

And given that opening paragraph, you can probably guess I didn't finish in that top 5%. I feel that individually, my game in the components of HORSE is pretty strong, but I continue to struggle both with switching games/gears and not tangling too much early when it doesn't matter. It's easier in NL or PL HE, but when you're in the second and fourth levels of HORSE, those starting hands on OE8 and stud are easy to mentally put lipstick on hands that should be pigs.

That said, I battled, up and down through the first round of HORSE, but with blinds at 80/160 in the HE portion, I picked up QJ in the small blind. One early limper who was a very weak player so I popped it. I should have known better though. BB, was stubborn and overplaying hands all night, called and so did the limper. Board came ragged 6c-3c-7d and I bet out. BB called. Again. And as expected, early limper folded.

Turn came another seven and I thought I would try to make a move and check-raise because I knew he would bet if I checked. I really didn't put him on anything. He did bet, I raised and he called. River was a 3d. So straight draw out, possible sets, even boats, all undercards against a guy who had been showing aggression the entire hand, but was playing rather tight all along...and of course, BB called my final bet...

Yes, ladies and gentlemen...96o. Now, I will call is play donkish until the end of creation, but in review, I suppose I could see an omission in my thinking. I knew what I thought he had, but what did he think I had? I raised from the SB pre-flop after a limper. Would I do that with a middle pair? Probably not. High pair? Maybe, but perhaps he's a slow-player so he thinks everyone else is too. So what is my logical holding? AK? AQ? AJ? KQ? all of which are no good. Bottom line, I lost about 1/3 of my stack on that hand.

That put me on tilt, I played too many hands and was down below 1,000 chips before I knew it. I managed to compose myself, tighten up my starting requirements and rolled through OE8 and Razz and got back up to an almost starting stack. One frustrating Razz suck-out hand later, I had about 2,000 chips left and found [KK] 5 to start stud. Long story short, put opponent on split queens when he in fact had rolled up trips. Good times. Out about 650th. A LONG way from 56.

*******

Meanwhile, back at the bat cave, I was on the roller coaster ride known as the PL HE satellite. One part of my HE game I have been working on is betting my draws. With my stack at about 3,000 after starting with 2K, I picked up AdQs in the small blind. UTG +1 limped and I raised pot. BB called and limper called. Flop came down a BEAUTIFUL Qd-9d-4d. I bet pot and much to my shock, the BB raised me. Limper folded and got out of the way and I insta-shoved. I figured, even if I was facing a set, I had the nut flush re-draw. Moron turns over Jd3d. Apparently that's worth a call out of the BB. And, may I add, he was under 1,000 chips when he made this play. The call of my initial raise was about 1/4 of this stack. As you can see, another diamond did not fall.

SOOOOO...down to around 2,000, I pick up Ks6s on the next orbit in the small blind. It's folded around to me, I call the weak, tight BB and he checks as expected. Flop comes down 5s-8s-Jh. I bet pot, expecting to take the hand, but the BB pushes over the top of me for all his chips. Again, I insta-call figuring he probably has J-x. Nope. Q-8o. Not only do I not get another spade, but just for one final kick in the balls, nice river.

So, I nurse my short-stack for a little while and then push the last 550 or so with this beauty:

After blinding down a little more, there are two limpers and I find j9 in the small blind. I figure I can push here, blinds will fold and limpers will fold. Plan ALMOST worked. SB, BB and first limper all fold, but second limper calls with AJ. Thankfully, sometimes suck-outs happen FOR good people too.

I was still well below average, but hanging in there. A few hands later, I bet pot with AJ from middle position and everyone folded...and I just started thinking that I might get a seat as there were only about 150 people left and the top 94 got seats. The VERY next hand, I got AQ from the cutoff. I bet pot and the SB puts me all-in. I call, he shows JJ and I'm out.

As you can see, I have some good company as fellow BBTer jeciimd busted out just after me.

Due to a family situation, I will not be able to play in the satellite for Clonie's 500K guarantee so I may take that $50+5 and play the turbo PL sat tonight...but we'll see if I can stand anymore self-flagellation. And if I can get over my hatred of tonight's host, Allen Cunningham.

I hate Phil Gordon

2007-08-09T13:37:00.000-04:00

I've always found him arrogant, self-righteous, whiny and someone who has parlayed an appearance on Celebrity Poker into a media "empire" where he promptly derides poker players who gain celebrity through artificial means. Huh. Really, Phil? I listen to his ESPN podcast just to hate him and I listened to the WSOP podcasts on expertinsight just to revel in his defeats.

All that said, I now have a new reason to hate Phil Gordon. He was the "host" of FTOPS 1 last night, the $500K guaranteed NL HE event. As I indicated yesterday, while I busted out of the 50+5 tournament on Tuesday night, I was parlaying my money saved by cheaply satelliting into the HORSE event to play the turbo sat last night. And so I did. Phil Gordon, kiss my ass.

With blinds at 60/120, I'm still right about the starting stack. I get dealt 8-8 on the button. Not exactly a monster, but with UTG flat-calling and everyone else folding to me, I figured it was time to make a stand with the blinds creeping up. I raised it up to 540. SB and BB folded and the UTG called for time. I thought maybe a ragged, suited ace or smaller pair than mine and I felt in good shape. I was relatively happy when he turned over 8s9s. Of course you can see the results. Good times.

That crippled me, but didn't knock me out. But 4-4 ran up against AK and a flop of x-K-K ended that tournament.

SOOOOO...I just quit, right? I mean, I barely had any money left in my account and there were many more FTOPS events, right? Nope I joined a $69 last chance tournament. Ran AK into AA after a J-x-J-K board. Blow me, Phil Gordon.

So of course, NOW I'm done, right? I mean, I only have $21 in my account. Yeah right. After multi-tabling .05/.10 games, I made enough in two minutes to join the last, last chance tourney. Single table, winner gets a seat. I can do it, right? First hand:

Now, I have never been one of those people that says online poker is rigged. I think it's a result of two things: people playing a lot more hands online and a lot more hands going to the river because people are too dumb to fold. That said, I'm pretty sure Full Tilt rigged this so that everyone dumb enough to play this, got exactly what they deserved.

So my account sits at .60. Again. Luckily, I knew me affinity for doing this. So the money I won the night before and that day playing higher limit PL HE, I used to buy into two other satellites (PL HE and Main Event) and I already won my seat to HORSE. So I'll still have a shot. But Phil Gordon, your smiling mug staring back at me on the FT software was too much and I just had to enter that tournament to get a piece of "your" money. You, sir, are a douchebag.

Some might call this a gambling problem. But I truly think it is more of an ego problem. I don't do this with slots or blackjack or anything else. I play with the money I have at those games and quit, whether ahead of behind, because I feel like it's all luck (yes, blackjack and video poker players, I know that you can close to negate the house edge over the long-run, but short-term results are luck...so bite me). But poker, I feel like if I only get a chance in these larger tournaments, I am going to cash and be successful. So see, Madame Therapist, it's an ego problem, NOT a gambling problem.

Ooops, time to wrap this up. there might be a .50 cent satellite starting soon. Only 10 straight wins and I get a seat in some tourney. I think first prize is a Phil Gordon voodoo doll.

Well...if I don't make any more...

2007-08-08T16:04:00.000-04:00

I qualified for FTOPS 2 ... the HORSE event in an $8 satellite today. One seat given out...46 players. Not braggin'. I'm just saying.

SOOOOOO...the money I was GOING to use to satellite into the HORSE event will now go to the 6:30 turbo sat for FTOPS 1.

Play the rush.

FTOPS off to a Quadarrific start

2007-08-08T08:12:00.000-04:00

As I laid out yesterday, I bought into my first FTOPS satellite last night. $50 +5 for entry into FTOPS #1 ($216 NL HE), but the best part was FT making them non-turbo tournaments and giving starting stacks of T2,000. *rubbing hands* Eeeeexcellent.

With over 650 entrants and 150 getting seats, conscientious poker was the name of the game. A lot of folding in the first few levels, not trying to get involved in any hands at the 10/20 and 20/40 levels that might bust me. I have altered my approach a little early in these large tournaments. I tried for the longest time to enter a lot of pots early in tournaments hoping to catch a big hand and bust someone. I've found that the implied value isn't all that great though as in these larger tournaments, the percentage of solid players is a little higher and if you have, oh, I don't know, 5-5, and you make a set or play 7s8s and the flop comes 6-9-10, you're probably not going to get a lot of action. You're more likely to play 10 hands, lose 20% of your stack by the time the third level starts.

SOOOOO...played very tight. Won a few small pots, got dealt QQ in back-to-back hands and didn't see a flop either time. About 45 minutes into the tournament, I was still hovering around the starting stack, with blinds at 30/60. I picked up, oh, I don't know, say 5-5 on the button. Oddly, there were four callers by the time action got to me. I just called, hoping to flop a five, or most likely, fold. The small blind called and the BB checked so we went to the flop seven-handed.

Flop came down Kh, 3c, 3h. Gotta figure there's a K out there and maybe an A3, so my fives are no good. Surprisingly, the action was checked around. I was happy to see a free card in hopes of catching a five, preferably of hearts so I could felt someone with a nut flush. Much to my surprise...as rarely happens, I called for the five and it fell, 5s. I dialed in and focused on the action before me, trying to figure an amount that would get maximum profit out of this hand. But my radar went up when first-act min-bet. With seven people still in the hand, this is HIGHLY suspicious.

He got four callers and I just decided to call, hoping that a heart would fall on the river...but in the back of my mind, I started worrying about KK. River was a 6s. No flush, but did put a straight on the board (although highly unlikely as someone would have had to play 2-4 or 4-7). First-act min bets AGAIN. Now I have a STRONG suspicion I am beat. Here I am, sitting on a full boat, and I am convinced I'm beat. Shockingly, player to his left raises to 240. Here was the only mistake I feel I made. I re-raised to 780. If I was so convinced I was beat, I should have been happy to win what was in the pot. That said, chances are really good that the initial raiser was going to do the honors as he made it 1,320.

Initial raiser flat calls. I have about 500 chips left, but I just KNOW I'm beat by KK here and I want to try to stay alive so I also flat call. Here you go:

Not ONLY was I beat by quads, the six on the river gave me a worse boat. Now, I am not going to rush to 2+2 and post the hand and ask how I could have gotten away from my boat. There's no way I am not seeing the river here, most likely. I knew I was beat, I was right, but I still had enough chips left to fight another day. It happens. I just wish it didn't happen in a $50+5 satellite. But that's why people of my mediocre means shouldn't be playing these higher buy-in tournaments. Entertainment, right?

Bust-out hand was anti-climactic. An orbit later, I picked up 4-4 UTG with blinds going up and I shoved. Folded around. I immediately got moved to another table and was UTG again. I got A8, one of my LEAST favorite hands to shove, but getting the BB and having a stack of around 400, I did it anyway. FT decided to give me one final kick in the balls as it unceremoniously sent me to the rail:

I figured I would lose to AJ or AQ or 9-9...not AA AND 10-10. Good times.

So there's my first foray into the latest iteration of FTOPS. If I can restrain myself, I will avoid the $50+5 turbo satellite tonight and focus on the HORSE event. But, as all nine readers of my blog know, restraint isn't my best feature. It's somewhere near the bottom along with my receding hairline, expanding waistline and affinity for Chicken in a Biskit crackers.

Quickly...

2007-08-07T17:10:00.001-04:00

I just checked my blog stats...just for fun. And I know that I don't post a lot or have a lot of technically interesting poker analysis, but it appears I have nine religious readers because every time I post, I get nine hits on my blog. Nine. Wow. Thanks to my mom, my parole officer, Andy Dick and my other six readers.

On a similar topic, I checked where the majority of my readers ordinarily come from. One of my top referring pages is a google search on Walter Mathieu. I referenced Mathieu in my eulogy for my grandfather. And that's one of the top ways people find my blog.

Good times.

As a PR professional, if I really care about someone reading this drivel, perhaps I should put some of my "tricks" to good use.

Lord help me...

2007-08-07T16:21:00.000-04:00

I'm actually anxious about the first FTOPS satellite tonight. Lord, help me. I'll need it.

As I indicated below, I am bust in my FT account. While I did re-load for the expressed, written intent of playing in the FTOPS events ONLY, I thought it made some sense to reflect upon my goals for my $130 deposit some time ago.

1) Buy PokerTracker (nope...never had the money laying around)
2) USE PokerTracker (see above)
3) Keep track of success in token frenzies to check for +EV (didn't play in any)
4) Play in only token sit n gos (Was 2-2 so I had that going for me, which is nice)
5) Do not directly buy-in to any tournament over $10+1 (HA! If that didn't include the 50-50)
6) Do not play any cash games higher than .25/,50 until bankroll is doubled (HA! If that didn't include the 50-50...and Omaha)
7) Do not play any Hi/Lo games (nada)
8) PL HE is preferred, actually play it (I don't think I played any NL HE cash games)

Sooooooo...looks like I managed to complete three of the above. Sort of. Wow that's weak. No wonder I went bust. For me, I still think the above stipulations would lead to winning poker. But sadly, it appears we'll never find out.

See y'all in FTOPS.

BBT Freeroll, FTOPS

2007-08-06T22:07:00.000-04:00

A quick note on the second-chance BBT freeroll from last week. I likened the second chance I received in this tournament, by having it completely started over, to getting an inquiry in a horse race you were sure you lost. If that's true, then the results of the second-chance tournament are synonymous with realizing that you weren't even watching the correct horses and your horse actually pulled up in the backstretch.

As I indicated, I got home from PIB last week...specifically, 9:55 on Thursday night. The freeroll started at 10. I got the family and the luggage out of the car, unpacked the suitcase, got the kids in bed and fired p the computer by about 10:10 or 10:15. I had lost a few blinds, but with the starting stacks as big as they were, it didn't even make a dent. I should have just let it blind me out.

DD, I owe you an apology. You were actually the better of the two of us in this event. By far. Technically, I think I still placed better than you did. But that's irrelevant. I cannot remember a single hand from the tournament. I cannot remember the hand I busted out on. All I remember is that Hoy knocked me out on a hand that I remember thinking, "I don't know that I have ever played a hand this badly." I can remember hands from tournaments I played five years ago. And I can't remember a single hand from last Thursday's freeroll.

You think state of mind doesn't make a difference in poker? Game of luck. Right.

Again, DD, I'm sorry. In fact, I'm also sorry about the burglar jokes the night you wore all black to our league championship. I'm sure you were just doing a Johnny Cash thing to get respect. But I have to tell you, "ring of fire" wasn't about poker.

FTOPS V starts tomorrow on Full Tilt. Well, it starts for me tomorrow as it's the first $50+5 satellite and those are the only attempts I'm making to get into any of the fields. With $7 million in guaranteed prize money, it's the closest I get to playing for "real money." I have my eye on Event #1 (500K guaranteed NL HE), Event #2 (150K guaranteed HORSE), Event #3 (200K guaranteed PL HE), Event #6 ($1 million guaranteed NL HE) and the Main Event ($2 million guaranteed). If I can manage to first get INTO any of these tournaments and secondly CASH in any of these tournaments, I might also try for Event #8 (Omaha Hi/Lo)...but frankly, that's asinine.

On a more important note, I just got my hat for cashing in the PL HE event in FTOPS IV. And by more important, I mean, please bid on Item #195050302 on e-bay and buy the damn hat so I have some money to try to enter the above tournaments. I have .70 cents in my FT account right now.

*sigh*

"Why God? Show your hand...why can't one guy understand?"

2007-08-03T20:48:00.000-04:00

NOTE: This blog was to have been posted Tuesday, but a trip to Redneck Annapolis, er, Put-In-Bay postponed the post.

Yes, the subject is a quote from Miss Saigon...but why can't a poker player be culturally aware? Why does it have to make me ghey? It's an apt quote for poker though, don't you think?

Specifically, I played in the 50-50 last night (Monday) and needless to say, things did not go well. I was out in the 700-800s, but it was how I went out that is so frustrating.

What is it about online poker specifically that makes you disbelieve? If poker is a story, from tournaments all the way down to hands, if there is a hand and the story doesn't add up, then you've probably uncovered a bluff. But what makes you skip to the end of a story, know the conclusion, and still make a stupid call anyway? What about online poker makes you think, "Nah, I have to be wrong, he can't have me beat?"

I thought the difficult part of poker would be knowing when I was beat...being able to read my opponents and play like the cards are face-up. But I've found, the more I play, that the most difficult part is trusting my instincts, trusting my experience and laying down a hand when I know I'm beat.

For the longest time, I was playing at micro-limits and in micro-tournies and I kept telling myself "if only I could play higher limits and make advanced plays, trust my reads lay down hands." And yet, now that I am playing at a little higher stakes and in a little higher buy-in tournies, I am STILL acting like I'm playing pacific poker donkeys.

Specifically, in the 50-50, I picked up JJ in early position. I bumped it up about 2.5x big blind. I usually don't do this, I almost always bet 3 or 3.5x big blind and I consider this my first mistake. I get two callers and the flop comes down coordinated under-cards. I am first to act and I make a 1/2 pot bet. I'm okay with this as I think I am trapping over-cards that might make a stab at the pot. One guy folds, but the second player re-raises me. If I fold my hand right here, I would still have about 800 or 900 chips. And I don't know how, but I know instantly he has hit a set. I feel it.

So do I lay down the hand to fight another day when I have the best of it? Nope. I push the rest of my chips into the pot, he flips his set of nines and I am down to like 75 chips and out the next hand. If poker is truly about making the right decisions, what do you do if you make the right decision, you just habitually do the opposite? How do you learn to trust that instinct that's telling you, "Lay the hand down you f-ing moron. You didn't listen to me when I told you not to eat that 40oz of steak...for the love of God, listen to me know."

Full Tilt account is down to $88.

DD, send your bribe checks to: AlCantHang

2007-07-30T15:51:00.000-04:00

I have been bottling this up inside because when a friend does you a favor, you never want to look that proverbial gift horse in the proverbial mouth. Unless, say, that gift horse went off as a "lock" at 4-1 and ended up more interested in some lead pony on the outside fence and finishes seventh. Not that I'm bitter.

But, no, this gift horse was my buddy DD agreeing to fill in for me in the finals of the BBT that I have blogged about from time-to-time. For a refresher, this is the natural disaster where various poker bloggers meet-up several times a week, earning points for various prizes and a season-ending freeroll made up of a fraction of the Full Tilt juice taken out for each event.

Despite cashing in only one of the weekly events and a HORSE special event or two, my middling-average play earned me a spot in the freeroll. 56 entrants, 12 paid, going for somewhere in the neighborhood of 1K. Naturally, I agree to play in a buddy's home game the night of the freeroll...and despite pleading him to set-up a wireless connection in advance so I could play the freeroll in between hands of "3-5-7" and "pass the whore" ... I was going to be shut out of the tourney. I figured even if I didn't play a hand, I would outlast 20% of the field.

BUT...with my pride on the line as at least one of the 56 in the tournament have read this blog at least once, I decided to call upon a friend to play in it for me. I will not publicly give out DD's location or occupation (his FT name is ohiocopywriter), but I play in a poker league with him and a fantasy football league with him so suffice it to say, I consider him a brother. In addition, he isn't a half-bad poker player. Rather excitable and aggressive, he's somewhat the antithesis of me. Well, at least the aggressive part. But that doesn't give him the ultimate credentials in my book. Rather, DD is the only person I know (aside from myself) who would show-up in a stranger's house in a rural community known only for its NHRA events...buy-in for a tourney...and then go back.

Luckily, DD was available and after an e-mail that said, "Wow...they're going to be confused by my playing style" ... he was off. I kept checking my e-mail and text messages throughout the hands of "Auction" and "Bundles" and other high-skill poker games, but alas, not a single update from DD. I could only assume he was flying high and couldn't be bothered. I wasn't worried about motivation as I had agreed to split any proceeds with him and DD needs money in his Full Tilt account like Michael Vick does in his attorney fee account.

I wrap-up in the home game about midnight and head home. I am two minutes from my front door when the ding of a text message comes through on my phone. "DD must be on a break" I think. Instead, the message reads something like, "I really blow at poker, here are a few excuses, but the bottom line is you were one of the first ones out...I am complete scum and you never should have put faith in me. I am going to go drown myself in a toilet." Well, it SOUNDED like that anyway.

Anyone who has ever played the ponies knows the feeling of getting the first, second and fourth place horses in your trifecta and hoping for an inquiry and a placing you know is not coming. Well, for the first time in my life, that inquiry sign actually popped up on the toteboard. Apparently the ordinarily reliable Full Tilt servers crapped out and the tournament was canceled. Thanks to the hard-work of Mr.Al, the tournament has been rescheduled and FT even added several hundred to the prize pool.

So, DD, your bribe to FT and Al worked...and I appreciate it. I only ask that you forget the username and password I gave you and instead, sign-on Thursday under your own soiled name and rail me so that all in BBT-land can give you the ridicule you so richly deserve.

No offense.

F*** the 50-50

2007-07-24T21:49:00.000-04:00

I think I'm going to propose. This love-have thing is so much like a marriage it's scary. It's 9:40 and I'm out. KK UTG, raise 4x the big blind in first level...first hand I've played all night...ONE person folds and eight go to the flop. Comes 10-X-X two spades...I bet pot, two folds and a guy pushes...everyone folds around to me...I have about 600 invested in the pot at this point...sure, I could fold here and live to fight another day with 1,400...but can I really do that with KK in this position and he so OBVIOUSLY be on a flush draw? Not me. I call, he flips 9-10 of spades, catches trip 10s on the turn and goodnight gracie. Good news is the flush didn't hit. *cough*

Stupid play by me? I have to call there right? Should I have pushed and made him call? Perhaps that's the right play. Regardless...I'm going to sleep so I can help with the baby in a couple hours.
My first finish in the quadruple digits...

Good times.

Ready to talk about it...

2007-07-24T14:12:00.001-04:00

This post may ramble incessantly, I haven't decided yet...but I have a lot on my mind.

First of all, the post below regarding my disappointing (to say the least) performance in the 50-50 on Sunday...I finished somewhere in the 900s. Ouch. But then my wife said, "Nice...you're out before I am even asleep. Shut off the computer and go to sleep so you can help with the baby later." Double ouch.

I was "girly chatting" as my blogger friends call me with a non-poker playing friend during the 50-50 and I complained about the two hands that crippled me. Both times I railed on the "donkey" who played "that hand" into my raise and flopped "that" ... how could he do that, blah blah. But do you know what I realized? I never complain when I run my KK into AA. Or when my 99 loses to AQ late in a tourney. You know why? I got my money in when I thought I had the best of it and it just didn't work out. It's always the hands where I have Top-pair, Top-kicker and try to bully a guy out of a pot when he's slow-playing a set and I'm too dense to realize it...those are the hands I berate the donkeys for. After all, isn't it easier to scream at the donkeys than admit holes in our game?

On another topic, I was going to take a run at the $50 satellite to the $500,000 guarantee on Sunday instead of the 50-50. But my lovely wife had her heart set on this "concert in the park" that started at 6. I have NEVER played in the major Sunday tourney...something always comes up. And I felt like I had been playing well in the 50-50 and it was time to try to blindly weave my way through the shitstorm that is the Sunday tourney. But it was not to be. And I was angry. I was tilting before the orchestra played the first few bars of "Yankee Doodle Dandy."

Needless to say, the first thing I did was fire up Full Tilt when we got home. It was around 8:15 so too late for 50-50 satellites and too early for the tourney itself. So what is there to do, but fire up the PL Omaha tables? I started three-tabling and before I could get ITunes started, I was down $80. Not a huge deal...except that with a $50 buy-in to the 50-50 staring me in the face, my bankroll of $250 is suddenly down below my Mendoza-line of $130. So I was in a bad mood for missing the $500K, I was pissed about a few hands of Omaha and I charged into the 50-50 with an attitude. And look where it got me. Nice Tilt. Ass.

To that end, I don't know how, I don't know why, but I FIRMLY believe that there is a correlation between your mood/attitude and your gambling "luck." I don't believe in luck per se, I believe that it's just a mathematical entity, but a session, a year and even our lives are a small sample size and sometimes too small to see the odds play out. That said, there is SOMETHING that ties luck to attitude. I could say that it's your decisions in poker, but how do you explain blackjack or *shudder* slot machines or even horse racing? Scared money is bad money and mad money is bad money. But I'm not sure why.

I played in the 50-50 last night to get the taste of Sunday's debacle out of my mouth. I played pretty well, more akin to my style, early on, but about 30 minutes in I got tricky with AQ with a bunch of paired undercards on the board. I had zero respect for my heads-up opponent and thought I could bet him off his hand by force of will. Not when he flopped a boat. I was down from 2,500 chips to 500. One of my resolutions is to be a better short-stack player and I took this opportunity to start. I was down to 25% of my starting stack, but blinds were still about 20/40 so it wasn't completely hopeless. Long story short, I played my game, scratched and clawed and finished in the money for a satisfying $85ish payday.

I still love the 50-50 and I still have a LONG way to go with the mental part of my game. Bankroll is at $275.

Not ready to talk about it

2007-07-23T16:24:00.000-04:00

But let's just say that the Omaha tables on Sunday and Sunday's 50-50 did not go well. I think my aforementioned average finish may have just jumped 500 spots.

Like Peas and Carrots

2007-07-21T15:21:00.000-04:00

"We go together like peas and carrots" -- Forrest...Forrest Gump.

Scanning back through my performance in the 50-50 on Full Tilt, I have played the tourney five times, satelliting in once for total buy-ins around $230. In those five tournaments, I have cashed for $342 and an average finish of 215...almost always, 153 make the money in these tournaments. While I am not going to make a living with these finishes, for a recreational player who vastly prefers tournaments to cash games...this is the best bang for my buck that I have found on any site.

I told a friend of mine last night (who specializes in six-handed SNGs) that the same reasons I love these tourneys are the same reasons he would hate them. You start with a fantastic amount of chips relative to the blinds...the structure is slow and even...with a flat pay structure. Bravo, Full Tilt. Bravo. And on top of that, the $2 rebuy satellite at 6:40 is a donkfest just waiting to be taken. So a $55 buy-in can easily turn into $10.

That said, as much as I love this tournament, I feel like I am stuck in a rut of mediocrity. I play so few tournaments with less than 500 players that my "end-game" is dreadful. And worse yet, as I have previously opined, I am always playing tournaments above my bankroll so the money means something. This leads to a lot of finishes between 50-250 and good, but not great performances. Last night is a perfect example.

Most recently, last night I bought directly in and as I scanned the table, I didn't recognize a single name. Usually a good sign. It was a weak table and I was able to pick and choose my spots and they would still pay me off regardless of my image. I quickly doubled-up before going card-dead until well after the first break. One of the best things about this tournament is that few people understand the relevance of the blinds to chip ratio. So you will find people with 3,000 chips getting "desperate" at the 80/160 level. They're easy to pick out and exploit. Utilizing that strategy, I built my chip stack up to a little over $10,000 and pretty much folded my way into the money with a few well-timed steals despite not seeing anything other than a KK which was folded around.

Once in the money, I loosened up and tried to steal a little more frequently and unfortunately got caught a few times. I was getting short and pushed with 99 in early position. I got called by AK and doubled up to over 12,000. After a few successful steals I was sitting on a stack around 24,000-25,000 and about 26 out of 35 or so. My table was pretty weak and I felt confident that this was my turn for a deep run. Then came the evidence of my lack of end-game. I wake-up to 10-10 in the small blind. It's folded around to the hijack and he bumps 2.5x the big blind. I knew this was a bet that signified something, not a steal, but was most likely a mediocre hand and almost surely a drawing hand. K-Q, Ace-rag...something of that nature. So it's up to me.

Logically...at this point...with blinds and antes high and pocket tens...what do you do? CLEARLY you push. If he is on a draw and given his stack around 30,000 he is not want to go to war with KQ. Most likely. But no. My thought process went like this. I can call his bet and still have over 20,000 chips if a high card comes on the flop and promptly check-fold...living to fight another day and maybe make the next $30 payout level. All this for an extra $30. So I just call.

BB folds and we go to the flop heads-up. Clearly the flop comes A-Q-5 rainbow so my likely scenario comes to pass. So CLEARLY I check-fold...or MAYBE re-raise and represent a monster...but no. At 2:15 a.m. and my bravado rising in dreams of a final table, my adrenaline tells me that he had KJ or something and I push my last $20,000. He insta-calls and flips A-7. Say what you will about an instacall in this situation with A-7, but my play was stupid. I read him perfectly and even though I made the incorrect play pre-flop for maximum EV, I still gave myself an out that I refused to take post-flop.

Idiot.
I was out in 30th place for ~$200. Not a bad return and continued success in the 50-50, but it could have and should have been much better.

Thanks to an ill-advised trip to the .50/$1 pot limit omaha table and an untimely QQQ loss to a rivered straight with the money all-in on the turn and a peer-pressured entry into a $26 LIMIT Omaha Hi/Lo tournament that was akin to paint drying...my account sits somewhere in the $290 range. Over doubling my buy-in from last month, but continuing on the roller coaster of my last few weeks.

Stuipid is as Stupid does.

Cool Product Plug

2007-07-17T11:23:00.001-04:00

I know that with some blogs, it's difficult to tell if a post has been "bought and paid for." One of the benefits of a blog that nobody reads is that nobody would pay for me to post anything either. So you can rest assured that the content is all my own.

I just discovered a brilliant little service called jott.com. I may be the only one, but I do my best thinking in the car. But invariably by the time I get home, the thought is gone or I have forgotten. Or to make it poker relevant...if you are playing in a tourney and want to make notes on a hand, but don't have time to type or don't want to mess with hand histories...then use jott!

It's free...you sign-up...put your cell number in...and then you can call jott's 800 number and dictate a message to yourself. Jott will then transcribe it and e-mail it to whatever e-mail address you provide. A hand or an entire blog...all without pressing a key.

As my boys from Guinness say...BRILLIANT!

PoPo

2007-07-15T22:22:00.000-04:00

I know this is hardly the reason the three of you reading this still visit this modest space. But I hope you will indulge me. As I said, my grandfather, or PoPo, passed away last Thursday. His funeral is tomorrow. And in advance of my eulogy, I drafted a few quick thoughts that I think can serve as my blog post in honor of him. Thank you.

Good morning.

I greatly appreciate you all taking time this morning to celebrate the life of the man I called PoPo. I hope you will all indulge me as I take the next few minutes to reflect on his life as seen through MY eyes.

Many people are defined by what they choose to do for a living. As most of you know, PoPo was a WWII veteran and he retired from Ford after over 30 years at the Lima plant. But he wasn’t defined by his job and I believe he could have been almost anything.

First and foremost, I think everyone in this room knows that PoPo could have been a stand-up comic. I know you ALL heard this one. A guy walks up to a boy at a gas station…the boy is sitting with a dog. The man asks if the boy’s dog bites. He says no. The man goes to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The guy says to the boy, I asked if your dog bites and the boy says, that’s not my dog. Comic genius. A joke for every occasion. Yesterday as people came to pay their respects, I can’t tell you how many people said something about PoPo’s sense of humor or his predilection for being ornery. He certainly could have been a comic.

If he didn’t want to be in front of the camera or in front of the crowd, I think he still had a job in the entertainment industry as a movie critic. Movie critics don’t like anything. And I know for a fact that PoPo hasn’t liked a movie since Julie Andrews was gracing the fake Alps in the Sound of Music. He even had the personality trait to sit through movies he didn’t like. I remember a time he and MoMo went to the Wapak theatre to see what they thought was a movie with the late, great Walter Mathieu set on a cruise ship. What they saw instead was a disaster of a film with Cuba Gooding Jr…set on a cruise ship. He and MoMo sat through the entire movie without saying a word…but as they left the theatre, they turned to each other and asked, “Was that the movie you thought it was going to be?” If his son could eke out a career as a sportswriter, he certainly could have been a movie critic.

Writing may be in the genes, but the gambling gene just MIGHT be passed down in our family as well. You know it’s bad when you send your grandchildren to the venerable Zip Stop for some scratch-off bingo tickets and the person behind the counter says, “Are you Wig’s grandkid?” I also learned betting on horses from PoPo. Well, at least $2 win tickets on his friend's horses. And when they went to Vegas for the first time, I have never seen someone so mesmerized by the nickel slots and so happy to have jet black hands from the oft-handled coins.

In Vegas, I personally witnessed another possible occupation for my PoPo. Foodie or food connoisseur. We took he and MoMo to a “fancy” restaurant in Vegas called Hugo’s Cellar. It has all the touches…women get roses, they put cheesecloth on your lemons in the iced tea so the seeds don’t get in your drink. They had everything. For your salad, they brought a cart to your table filled with well over 20 items they could put on your salad. The dialogue between the waiter and PoPo went something like this: “Sir, would you like shrimp?” “No.” “Garbanzo Beans?” “No.” “Radicchio?” No. “ Beets? “What did you say? Beets. Oh. No.” And so on. At the end I think he had just lettuce and cheese. But not bleu cheese. That cost extra at Brown’s and PoPo didn’t like it when you ordered bleu cheese.

Motivational Speaker. There’s a completely embellished story floating around about me hiding behind a furnace one year when it came time for baseball try-outs…but my favorite story proving PoPo’s Dr. Phil tendencies involved my dad playing baseball when he was younger. Much younger. There was a pitcher throwing pretty hard. I think dad was slightly intimidated. PoPo yelled out, “Stand in there! He won’t hit you!” As I recall, dad, there was a trip to the hospital and a cast that followed. But hey, PoPo got dad to stand in there.

I asked my brother what his favorite memory of PoPo was yesterday and he answered, “Ohio State football games.” I found that hard to argue with and after having season tickets for so long, I think PoPo could have easily been a stadium docent. I mean, nobody talked to more people in C-Deck than PoPo. And everytime we would hike all the way up those three never-ending levels he would ask someone if they installed the elevator yet. Every game. PoPo, they installed those elevators and I am firmly convinced you were the reason why.

Finally, I think everyone knows PoPo could have easily been an Advertising Executive. I mean, everyone has seen those commercials that were modeled after his life. The commercials may have featured Scandanavians, but we know they were based on PoPo. You know the ones, where complete strangers were brought together all over a pack of Mentos? Yeah. Clearly ripped off his life story. If there’s someone in here that wasn’t offered a piece of candy by my grandfather at some point, they’re in the wrong church because you’ve never been in the same ZIP CODE as PoPo. On the way to an aforementioned Ohio State game, the traffic was slightly worse than trying to make a left turn on Defiance and someone let PoPo in. As he got off at Olentangy River Rd., with thousands of rabid Buckeye fans desperately trying to get in to see the game, PoPo stopped the car in the middle of traffic, unbuckled his seatbelt and walked back to that man that had let him in and offered him a Mentos. THAT was my PoPo.

Yes, he could have been anything he wanted to be.

But what he WAS, was a loving husband for over 50 years to MoMo…a proud father to dad and Mark…a father figure to my mother…a loving brother to Gene and Harold and a true family patriarch to many in this room. But most importantly to me, he was the quintessential grandfather. He attended as many of my basketball games as he could (even when it was just to watch me clapping for my teammates from the sidelines). He knew the path to get ice cream and could get there with his eyes closed. Was always willing to take my brother and I to any county fair we desired.

But what I will always remember most about PoPo was how comfortable and how loved I felt in his presence. There wasn’t a place in this world that I felt more “at home” than at MoMo and PoPo’s. No matter what was happening in my life, I knew there was a safe-haven on Glyncrest. And one of my greatest joys was watching my kids, Audrey and Sidney, take to their great-grandfather the same way I had. It didn’t matter what PoPo looked like, whether he was in a wheelchair in his later years or whatever, Sidney was immediately drawn to him. She felt that same comfort, that same love. And I promise I will do everything in my power to make sure she remembers that about her PoPo and to ensure Audrey knows how lucky she is to have met her PoPo for even such a brief time.

He could have been anything. But today, I thank God he was my PoPo. I love you.

Definition of Tilt...

2007-07-14T17:26:00.000-04:00

My grandfather passed away unexpectedly on Thursday.

It was a shock and I will probably write more about it later. But I'm not quite ready so I'm going to get this back to poker. For now.

After spending the day with my dad and my grandmother, I got home, mentally and physically exhausted. So what did I do? Of course drink a bottle of wine and four-table full tilt. Not exactly Barry Greenstein's recommendation in Ace on the the River. I played like the world owed me pots. I played like every re-raise or raised blind was a personal affront. Omaha, PL Hold'em, HORSE...I had them all going at once. I bought directly into the 50-50 at 9:30.

I think you all know how this story ends. I lost at every cash table I played and busted out of the 50-50 around 300 or so and the top 153 got paid. All told, I took my account from around $260 to $70 in one ill-advised session. I stuck to my limits in cash games, but had far too many tables going and buying directly into the 50-50 was an obvious deviation.

Naturally last night, with my wife boozing it up at some fondue restaurant, I put the kids to bed and took my last $70 and bought directly into the 50-50. I know that was stupid, but let's ignore it for just a bit and let me just take a second to say that I absolutely love this tournament. You know how some golf holes are set-up perfectly for your game? Like the holes with fifty yards of fairway in front of you and 200 yards of fairway at a 90-degree angle just perfect for your slice? That's how I eel about the 50-50. I always wondered how pros could claim that if these tournaments were set-up right, they could cash 70% of the time. I truly feel that if I had the bankroll to play this tournament four or five times a week, I would cash two times and go pretty deep once.

All told, last night I finished somewhere around 60th when my nut flush draw didn't get there on the turn or the river. $140ish payout brings the account back up to $150. I haven't seen an experiment fail as badly as this one since (insert cliched failed experiment reference here..perhaps you prefer EuroDisney or New Coke or Crystal Pepsi).

Sure, I could use my grandfather's passing as an excuse, but in poker, there will always be a "tiltable" offense lurking to destroy your bankroll and "donkify" your game.

*sigh*

Ummm...this is really embarassing

2007-07-12T13:08:00.000-04:00

It's one thing to completely implode in the comfort of your own home, ITunes in your earphones, lights off so as not to wake the kids or worse yet, the wife. At times like those, routinely breaking any pre-determined set of rules is just met with self-flagellation and an undeniable urge for a double Woodford Reserve.

But to blog about it...to sound like a broken record...to every day wake up, fire up the Acer Aspire and carefully craft an explanation for your lack of discipline...calls for TWO Woodfords.

Bottom line: Full Tilt account = $258.40. Oh yeah, I forgot one other sentiment. Guilt.

Yesterday, I fired up the FT client and sat down at two PL .25/.50 HE tables and started the grind. I was down $1 at one table and up $2.50 at the other when I thought, eh, perhaps I should investigate the Omaha Hi tables. Doh.

Sure as shootin' there was only one "full" table that was even remotely within my bankroll, but EXACTLY the table I vowed to stay away from: .50/$1. But I figured, what the heck...only play the nuts, right? A mere 25 minutes later, I had run my $55 short buy-in up to over $200, back down to $50, up to $185 and down to $110. For those with the 'roll to play these limits, that volatility is expected. Indeed, this should be considered a good session. But to me, these swings represented great opportunity and great opportunity for ruin.

To make matters worse, I joined one of the $26 token frenzy tournaments during my Omaha run, closed out the tables I SHOULD have been playing and proceeded to donk off my entire stack in the first level. My thinking? "I'm up so much at the Omaha table that this really doesn't matter...I'll either run this up and coast into a token or bust out and go back to hoping to fill up my boat on the river to beat the nut flush I know I'm up against in Omaha."

Repeat after me, "Relatively (for your bankroll) Hi Limit Omaha is not a sure-fire slot machine...Relatively (for your bankroll) Hi Limit Omaha is not a sure-fire slot machine"

Disaster.

But all alcoholics *ahem* Mel Gibson *ahem* have slip-ups and as a bankroll-demolishing-addict I expect no less from myself. I still have the desire. I just hope the follow-through will follow soon.

Until then...anyone up for Omaha?

Best laid plans of mice and poker players

2007-07-10T14:00:00.000-04:00

Well...that lasted a day.

If there was any doubt that my blog yesterday was factual, I present...Exhibit A.

Last night, I took my bankroll and looked for a tournament. I used to abhor re-buy tournaments, but ever since Astin told me about the $2 rebuy satellites for the Fifty-Fifty, I look at them completely differently. They appear to be a great opportunity to expand my game and play the opposite of my natural style. Ordinarily, I am ridiculously tight early in tournaments and loosen up as the antes kick in...pretty standard. But sometimes I'm TOO tight and worse, weak tight early in these tournies. The rebuy tournaments allow me to play a little more loosely early and have done so profitably.

So what does this have to do with last night? I found a $6,500 guarantee $3 rebuy tournament at 8:30 on FT. It was a huge overlay at the time and I was salivating. I figured I could invest about five rebuys or so and if I wasn't having any luck accumulating chips, I could just shut it down. Wellllllll...13 rebuys later, my bankroll is down to $152 and change. I lost EVERY conceivable coin-flip and couldn't complete a straight or a flush to save my life. But I was CONFIDENT I could cash in that thing. I did build up a nice stack, but I went out in the 50-ish range for winnings of $20. Gross. Yup. I cashed and had a net loss.

Brilliant.

Given this recent revelation, I think I need to add an addendum to my bankroll management rules: I will not re-buy more than five times in any tournament, with the amount not to exceed 150% of my tournament buy-in limit. In simple terms? My tournament limit right now is $10. I will not rebuy so that my investment in any tournament exceeds $15. Again, not scientific and perhaps not even sound reasoning, but it gives me much needed guidelines.

I am an undisciplined SOB, but the first step is realization as I keep reminding myself. The problem is, I never get past the first baby step.

Cheaters, Democrats and fiscally irresponsible...MUST READ

2007-07-09T08:32:00.000-04:00

Isn't it funny how it is human nature to skip over the sections of written works that we actually need to read the most?

For every Tony Robbins-Dr. Phil wannabe who is obsessed with self-realization, there are hundreds who prefer to ignore their flaws and work diligently to further prop up areas of competence and excellence.

Serial cheaters overlook infidelity storylines, Democrats ignore sections on reason and logic and the fiscally irresponsible flip past sections on credit and indeed bankroll management.

I am irrefutably the latter.

As an obsessive reader, I consume everything I can get my hands on. I subscribe to a multitude of magazines, have my library card number memorized and possess a google reader account with well over 100 blogs. And yet when my Card Player comes every two weeks, without exception I completely disregard any articles dealing with bankroll management. With all due respect to excessive continuation bets and a seemingly endless obsession with looking at poker as an extension of proof of "manliness" ... bankroll management is without question the biggest "hole" in my game.

As I revealed in a previous post, I have never deposited more than $200 into any poker account (when poker was legal of course) and yet I have never played a cash game lower than .50/$1 and routinely buy straight into $24+2 tournies. Despite several cashes in the hundreds of dollars, the reason for the dearth of poker posts over the past month is that I went broke early last month (again).

You want to talk about shows of "manliness" ... what can be more humbling than going bust? I should know. I am without question a losing poker player over my months of Full Tilt participation. I firmly believe that it has nothing to do with my poker skill or lack there of. While I am not yet ready for the $50,000 HORSE at the WSOP, I without question should be a winning poker player.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) poker is not only a game of skill, but it is a game of percentages. Those percentages dictate that you will not always have winning sessions no matter your skill. They dictate that despite being all-in with your last $100, your opponent IS going to hit that two-outer somewhere around 10% of the time over the LONG RUN. Variance is a bitch.

But it is a high maintenance bitch that can be managed by more effective bankroll management...something I am determined to adhere to this time around. Discipline. Not in the "catching a fly with chopsticks, Mr. Miyagi" kind of way, but a "I will not directly buy into the $50 +5 satellite for the Sunday $500,000 guaranteed when I have $56.39 left in my account" kind of way.

To that end, here are my new bankroll resolutions after having deposited $130 (the sum of cash I got for my recent 30th birthday...seriously...like a 10-year-old buying baseball cards with his $1 allowance):

-- Buy PokerTracker
-- Actually USE PokerTracker
-- Keep track of success in token frenzy tournies to see if they're +EV for me
-- Play only in token sit and gos
-- DO NOT buy directly into any tourney higher than $10+1
-- DO NOT play any cash games higher than .25/.50 until the bankroll is doubled
-- DO NOT play any Hi/Lo games unless the stakes are so low I can buy-in with coins I found in my couch
-- Pot Limit is my preferred brand of hold'em...so actually PLAY it for a change

These are clearly not scientific. These are clearly tailored to my preferences of tournaments over cash games. I would not recommend these to anyone else. But I believe doing this will tell me in three months whether I am truly a winning poker player or if I need to go back to trying to break 110 and make golf my obsession ... er ... hobby.

After a weekend of adhering to these rules (minus the PokerTracker) my bankroll sits at $192 with one $26 token in the account. That's the good news. The bad news is that following one disastrous departure from the rules, my bankroll went from $206 down to $140 before building it back up. Someone please keep me AWAY of the .50/$1 Omaha tables. Maybe I should pretend that I am a democrat and the table chatter at the Omaha tables are full of logic and reason.

"If you're not a liberal when you're young, you have no heart. If you're not a conservative when you're older, you have no brain."

-- Winston Churchill

A Parade for Hitler...

2007-06-27T08:03:00.000-04:00

I am a relatively young buck, but I have certainly seen video of the fantastic parade the world threw in honor of the sadistic Austrian following his tragic, self-inflicted demise.

What? There wasn't one? I'll be damned. I could have sworn ...

Well, at the very least, I was certainly old enough to drive all night and attend the candlelight vigil in Raleigh where Rae Carruth was imprisoned after his pregnant girlfriend had the nerve to die and give birth to a child with cerebral palsy due to a tragic and pre-mature birth. All because of a silly little drive-by shooting. The day they found that poor Carruth huddling in a trunk, confused, scared and the true victim in this sordid tale...I wept.

Yeah. You're right. That didn't happen either.

But do you know what DID happen? A steroid-riddled former "professional" wrestler killed his wife and son, co-habitated with them for the weekend, their bodies laying in the house, before sending chilling text messages to his "colleagues" and then hanging himself on weight equipment. Disgusting and tragic, right? Yeah...for the inhuman, muscle-bound, mental midget, right?

At least that's what the world of professional wrestling thinks.

I need to confess that I am NOT a wrestling fan. I think it speaks to the lowest common denominator of society and is an embarrassment to American culture. But this has nothing to do with wrestling. This is a simple issue of humanity. What did WWE do in the wake of this familial tragedy? They ran a three-hour TRIBUTE to Chris Benoit showing his "best" matches over the years and interviews with announcers and "athletes" who knew him.

Words are insufficient to describe how revolted I was when I heard this. What could possibly be the positive outcome of this? Aside from ratings. Quite simply, this personifies the problems with wrestling, the quest for ratings and the mental state of the demographic targeted by WWE and WCW and the like.

This is not to say I am not slightly sympathetic to the individuals over-run by the effects of steroids. They are horrific drugs that morph the body physically, chemically and mentally into a shell of what it once was. But these individuals CHOOSE to take these drugs. They know the risks. Compare this with alcoholics, schizophrenics and others who are mentally ill...admittedly they do not deserve a free pass...but they are not in control of the diseases which afflict their minds and bodies. Instead, we vilify them. We take their jobs, we place stigmas on them, insurance companies are more likely to pay for steroids, destined for nefarious uses, than they are extensive mental health care.

Kill your wife and child, live with their bodies for a weekend and then kill yourself...you get a televised, three-hour tribute. Battle the immobilizing effects of depression and you lose your job and go into bankruptcy trying to hold your life together. Right.

Oh, crap, I have to go. The "Support OJ" telethon is on and I have to pledge.

Attention Fantasy Freaks...er...players

2007-06-22T22:11:00.001-04:00

Short post tonight...just wanted to pimp the new venture by some blogger "friends"...mastermind blinders and the man that made it all happen...mr. beefcake himself...Joe Speaker. The product is Fantasy Sports Live...no, it's not another roto manager or lame site that regurgitates wire stories and makes you pay for the privilege of reading them in their particular font and format...no, this is Fantasy Sports for the slot machine generation.

Have you ever sat down the second Sunday of an NFL season and cringed when your starting RB grabs his knee? Or watched the calendar turn to May and watch that closer you traded up to get give up back-to-back longjohns? Well, Fantasy Sports Live can make that pain go away. They offer daily and sub-daily contests and pay out cash. It's a skill based game (clearly) so it's legal and about the only thing that can make June baseball interesting.

So go check it out.

(Note: This is not a paid advertisement, but if someone WANTS to pay me, I will gladly accept. Anyone? Hello?)

Unlike Vinnie Vinh...I'm back...

2007-06-20T15:52:00.000-04:00

You know when you go to the grocery, you buy fruits and vegetables, fat-free veggie dip and some low-calorie fruit juice and you swear you're going on a diet...but you go home, finish the box of Cheez-its, down a hefeweizen and drink hershey's syrup out of the bottle? You don't? Ummm...well blogging has been a lot like that for me.

I PREPARE to blog...I WANT to blog...and yet I still just end up playing on Full Tilt, drinking said hefeweizen and checking out Fleshbot or Sexy Girlfriend.

But carrot-stick in my mouth and a glass full of low-cal prune juice in front of me, I'm back.

I would love to say that it was a big win in the Main Event giveaway on FT or landing a big contract for my fledgling new freelance PR business that drove me back to the blogosphere. Sadly, it was this link: www.urbandrinks.com. Yes, I am a 29-year-old, married, father of two who hasn't purposely hit a happy hour in well over 18 months ("Welcome to Applebees...it's Happy Hour"), and yet I saw his on a blog and I thought...AWESOME. That's how I roll. They only have this little gem for Portland and Columbus right now...but they're promising more cities. Be the first to beg for yours.

Sadly in all the time I've been away, I don't have a lot to share.

I played in the MATH on Monday night...made a decent run, but only thanks to the following hands:

and ...

I actually asked in the chat if I could just forfeit. I was embarrassed to continue. BUT...I played it out. And finished in the BBT points, but nowhere near the money. Yeah, me. I am hovering around the top-50 in points and around the magical number of events played to qualify for the free-roll which sounds like it will be about 60 players going for $1,500-$2,000...not a bad gig.

The only other thing I have to say...after returning from a family trip to Orlando...all I have to say is...Florida is f-ing hot and Mickey "I'll charge you $120 for something you can get for $30 in Pataskala" Mouse can lick my balls. Okay, that might be a little harsh. It costs $32.10 in Pataskala.

Aces in PL Omaha...and Bron Bron

2007-06-01T13:26:00.000-04:00

Following a particularly exhausting "State of the Marriage" conversation that surprisingly didn't include any poker rants (from either of us), I had a few minutes before sleep came to me last night...so I did what anyone reading this blog would do. I fired up the new laptop and hopped on Full Tilt. Unfortunately, I made one too many pointless arguments during the marriage "discussion" because I missed the Riverchasers tournament by three minutes.

Next best thing: my "money game" ... .50/$1 PLO. This seems to be the best level for my bankroll and my limited knowledge of the game. It has just enough solid players that you can easily single them out and avoid them with anything less than the nuts. It has enough loose-passive players to make flops worth seeing. It has enough complete donkeys with money to burn to call $30 bets with top pair. In essence: c'est parfait.

I hadn't been at the table long (still around my $100 buy-in) when I found AcAd3c8d in middle position. It's not a GREAT hand, I don't like hands that aren't all connected, but with aces and double-suited, I prepared to see a flop. A familiar face in this level and game raised from UTG+2 to $8. now, to anyone not familiar, this is a ridiculously large raise for this game where it's routine to go three or four hands without a pre-flop raise. He might as well have lit up the neon sign that said, "I have pocket aces and think we're playing Texas Hold'em."

So I know at this point, my aces are somewhat irrelevant. But I still have two possible nut-flush draws and can hide the fact that at the very least we're chopping this pot. So I call. A player with only $12 in front of him/her just puts the rest in and "bumps" it to $12 to see the flop. Much to my surprise, the button calls. The initial raiser calls, I call and we see a rainbow flop of 8-3-Q with almost $50 in the pot. Initial raiser bets the max with his "top pair" ... I call off the remainder of my chips not even remotely fearing a set and knowing my meager two pair are good here. Player to my left is all-in, but surprisingly the button also calls. Rest of the hand checked down, I click the re-load button figuring the button for a set or higher two pair and he promptly flips a queen for a pair of queens, as previously determined the initial raiser's AA didn't improve and the all-in player had unimproved KK in his hand.

I scooped a pot of over $300 in a .50/$1 game.

I am not complaining mind you. Not bad for 30 seconds of work. But as I sat there for a few more rounds, I saw exorbitant raises with AA two more times. One time, I had odds and chased a flush draw that didn't get there. I folded on the river and the player flipped his AA. I typed "didn't need to show...pretty clear what you had." He responded, "nice read...I can respect that." Nice read? My overweight, trash-digging mental midget of a mutt who was snoring loudly on the couch next to me knew he had aces.

I know in texas hold'em, you generally want to raise those aces up to push a lot of the drawing hands out that might hit and beat you. But in Omaha...what's the point? Nobody knows what they have until the flop. Why not call the bet and if you hit trips, nobody sees it coming. Or if you're double-suited, see if you pick up a draw that the king-high flush may not be prepared for. Or if the board comes rags, put out a bet. If you get re-raised, you can smell a set and fold. But what good does it do to take out a billboard that says, "I have AA...if you can beat me, feel comfortable slow-playing against me and if not, just fold and save yourself some money."

Again, I'm not complaining mind you.

On a side note, I was playing these hands while watching the one-man freak show that was LeBron James last night. LBJ is simply incredible...not the one that was married to Ladybird...the basketball player. I saw the younger LBJ play in high school, I appreciated his physical prowess and promptly told everyone who would listen that he would flame out in the NBA when he faced players equal to him in physique and athleticism. I think it was apparent last night that he'll have to find those aliens from Space Jam if he wants to find an equal in those departments. I cannot find any superlatives to write that the gaggle of sports columnists around the country haven't already used this morning...you know the columnists...the ones that said LBJ would never be big-time because he passed the ball at the end of Game 1. At least I said that BEFORE he got to the NBA.

Oh and a reminder. He's 22. That's less than the amount of straight points he scored to finish off the game last night (25). Incredible.

I hate posting twice in one day...

2007-05-31T16:22:00.000-04:00

But there is an epidemic which I fear will become even more wide-spread as posers (and some blonkeys) descend upon Las Vegas for the World Series, Bellagio tourney and Venetian Deep Stack tourney. This plague which is sweeping America: douchebaggery. This, let's face it, disease can best be described with the two following items:

www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com (thank you fivehundybymidnight.com)

and thank you to my brother and College Humor for this gem (click on it...it's a video):

I urge you. Do your part to stop the douchebaggery.

My wife was right...Ohio sucks

2007-05-31T11:26:00.000-04:00

And this came from a Pittsburgh native. Let me repeat that. Someone from Pittsburgh is saying that Ohio sucks. And I'm agreeing with her. I know, I may have just lost all credibility with anyone who has ever stood at the confluence of despair, pollution and unemployment (also known as the Monongahela, Allegheny and Ohio rivers)...but stay with me for a second.

I have lived in Ohio all of my life (with the notable exception of a few years stuck in traffic on the Beltway of our nation's capital) and I have never been more embarrassed to be an Ohioan. I consider myself a political animal with political friends, political clients and political opinions and I am often the one defending or explaining the actions of politicians. But I do not have an explanation for what is currently happening in the Buckeye State and it makes me ill. Check that. I DO have an explanation for it. And that makes me down right nauseous.

Let me give you a snapshot of the political climate right now as it relates to issues I care about. Slot machines at racetracks (and a few civic locations in Cleveland) were voted down OVERWHELMINGLY last November. Last week, the Senate passed OVERWHELMINGLY a bill which would allow "instant racing" machines to be installed at racetracks (see an "instant racing" machine here). The state's Attorney General is desperately trying to find a way NOT to outlaw games of "skill" like "Tic Tac Fruit" (see a "Tic Tac Fruit" machine here). Poker games are being raided all across the state. The "Dancers for Democracy" failed to get a bill defeated which will cause strip clubs to close at midnight and will require patrons to be at least six feet away from dancers at all times.

Can you get a sense of the hypocrisy?

I know why the slot machines were voted down in November. The way the ballot issue was written and presented, it was going to make the racetrack owners wealthy while being too obscure as to the "real" benefits that Ohio students would see from the scholarships that were to derive from the revenue. Add to that the age-old warring between Ohio's cities and the long-standing competition (hatred) between them and the issue didn't stand a chance.

But that's not the way that politicians and the media spun it. According to them, it was a defeat for expanded gambling. Ohio doesn't want gambling. Nevermind that every state around Ohio has some form of gambling and the parking lots of those states are populated with Ohio cars. Ohio doesn't want gambling. Nevermind the fact that the real "winner" in the short-term would have been the horse racing industry in Ohio, which is an enormous industry on-par with many manufacturing segments that Ohio would be tripping over itself trying to "save" if they were in the competitive disadvantage position that racing is in. Ohio doesn't want gambling.

Fine.

So explain the vote for the instant racing machines. These will provide a fraction of the revenue for the horse industry, they do nothing for Ohio's students and will undoubtedly be just shoved into a corner of a still dilapidated and visitor-unfriendly racetrack. Were the slots to have been approved, these tracks would have been forced to invest in their facilities and actually make racetracks a "destination" instead of a destination for desperation.

Okay, but the REST of Ohio doesn't want gambling.

Fine.

So explain these "skill" games that are popping up all over the state. From what I understand, they're slot machines loosely based on tic-tac-toe that are in almost every truck stop and bar in rural Ohio. And in some circles they're considered SKILL games. And Ohio AG Marc Dann is sending someone around to verify that they are at least 51% skill and therefore legal. Coincidentally, Dann received a tremendous amount of money from those involved with these games. Coincidentally.

But in some of these same bars, or even private clubs, poker games are being raided. People are being taken to jail. For playing a game of unquestionable skill. Right next to someone playing a slot machine. Pseudo-legally. (But nobody in these private clubs is smoking because Ohio's smoking ban was ruled to apply to private clubs as well. I'm just saying.) What kind of a world do we live in where poker is the anti-christ, but dressed up slot machines are accepted revenue makes for those "skillful" enough to succeed? Where are the books on strategy for those games anyway? When is the World Series of Tic-Tac-Fruit? Is it in conjunction with the rock-paper-scissors extravaganza? I'm just saying.

Fine. All of these issues are in some way illegal or at the very least in a legal gray area. But strip clubs are legal in Ohio. They're legal, licensed businesses. Just like bars. Just like restaurants. Except strip clubs happen to have semi-naked people dancing. So what gives the state the right to say they have to close at midnight? What gives them the right to say that LEGAL customers have to stay a certain distance away from LEGAL employees doing LEGAL work? I am passionate about this BUSINESS issue, but it is impossible to discuss with people because they hear strip club, think pervert and stop listening. Similar, I think, to what the legislators did. And the Governor for that matter...who took the chicken's way out and didn't sign the bill, allowing it to become law.

The hypocrisy of all of this stinks. It DEFINITELY doesn't pass the "smell" test as my lobbyist friends say. And, don't forget, I am a REPUBLICAN. Where are the democrats on this? ACLU? Hello? Free speech? Freedom of expression? Liberals? I know you're out there. You voted a lot of respected legislators out of office last November and are propping up phony and vomit-inducing presidential candidates on the single-issue platform that they're "not Republicans."

All of this makes me sick. And it is also part of what led to my career change. I want to make a difference in this state. I want to create associations to look out for the rights of poker players and fix the hypocrisy and temper the influence of radical lunatics infringing on our rights in the name of "values. All of this so that we can once again stand up and say proudly, "Pittsburgh sucks."

I SWEAR this isn't a once-a-week blog...it just looks that way

2007-05-29T10:56:00.001-04:00

I can't believe it has been a week since my prolific prose has graced the blogosphere. Unfortunately, between the turmoil in my personal and professional life, c'est la vie.

As I sat in the living room of my in-laws' house in parochial, Primanti's-obsessed (Thanks NewinNov for reminding me to link to this) and poverty-stricken Pittsburgh listening to my father-in-law opine on the finer aspects of Avon's soap-on-a-rope, I thankfully allowed my mind to wander to an even more disgusting topic: my poker play since FTOPS.

Not only have I not cashed in any tournaments, I have been an equal-opportunity mule in cash games...giving my money away at HORSE, OE8, Omaha and even NL HE which I said I was swearing off forever. Each night when I sit down to play, as I click "register" and smooch au revoir to a little more of my pathetic bankroll, I KNOW I am not in a mindset to play. I am pre-occupied and impatient and as far from the analytical rounder of FTOPS as Lindsay Lohan is from her starring role in Freaky Friday. And yet I play. And I lose.

About the time my father-in-law got to exact body parts best for said soap on said rope, I had decided it was time for a poker mantra, a poker manifesto. Something I could read each and every time I sit down for a poker tournament (or my rare cash game appearances) that will put me in the right frame of mind to play "my game." I challenge anyone who doesn't already have a written mantra to craft one and post it in your blog...as everyone's will be different. Based on Fuel55's MATH performance last night, I'm guessing his will consist of:

1) Go all-in.

2) ... repeat.

But he WELL out-lasted my ass so I shouldn't say anything. If we went by last night's MATH performance, my mantra would simply be, slow-play a set to get a LOT of chips then donk them off shortly thereafter when you're about a big dog. I think I had pot odds to make that call though. But I digress.

Finally, after that long-winded introduction, I give you my poker mantra.

No Porn until after the tournament. Well, maybe at breaks.

AK is a drawing hand.

Flushes are over-rated. Do NOT be a soooted donk. You will lose a lot of chips chasing them and may not win much if they hit.

In the first three levels, if I don't hit the flop HARD...fold...

Percentages are just that. Percentages. They are not absolutes.

I would rather win a small pot with AA and KK than lose a big one

JJ and 10-10 and 9-9 are still JUST pocket pairs

Poker is not about whose dick is bigger…let them think theirs is and then whack them upside the head with yours

It’s okay not to continuation bet the turn…checking can be your friend

I am not a draw donkey…so stop acting like one

Pot odds need not be exact, but they need to be relevant

Poker is poker, it is on the internet more than "Leave it to Beaver" re-runs (With apologies to Pete Gillen)...if you play poorly in a tournament, there's another one later...or tomorrow...or next Sunday.

I am prepared to go out in last place of a tournament if I have followed the above.

I don't want to turn this into a dreaded "blog tag" ... but I am very curious to read the mantras of some other bloggers. May I name five?

It was a fantastic learning experience...that's what losers say, right?

2007-05-21T12:05:00.000-04:00

Before I commence with the dreary circumstances which pockmark my FTOPS Main Event, I need to take a second to congratulate Hoy and CMi tch...and any other bloggers I may have missed who cashed. Hoy was in the top 20 at one time in chips and put in a great run. I saw CMitch down at one point to virtual felt on the virtual felt and he rallied for a >$1,000 score. Congrats fellas.

On to a less successful poker player: me.

My trip to the FTOPS ME is described below so I won't bore you (again) with those details. I sat down at 6 p.m. after a power dinner of cheap, fattening, Pittsburghy goodness and my third Rockstar of the day and dreams of the $300,000 first prize. Those dreams almost came to an end before the jitters kicked in, courtesy of the caffeine and various mysterious "shamanistic" goodies in Rockstar.

Taking one of my patented chances early on (when I still had most of my $5,000 starting stack remaining), I limped in mid-early position with Q-10 of hearts and there were two callers and the big blind checked. I flopped a flush with the ace out and was confident I had the best hand. I made a small bet, the two limpers folded and the BB flat called. I didn't like this...I didn't think he would do that with top pair and it ran through mym ind that he might have A-5 or A-9. The turn was an ace. I REALLY didn't like this. But he checked and I checked behind to keep the pot small. Good move. The river was a queen...inconsequential. He bet $1,000. He only had $1,500 behind as he had lost a decent-size pot earlier. The SMART move here was to call and take my beating like a man. The IDIOT thing to do was try to bust a guy and make a big move early and re-raise him. Guess which I did? Amateur. Amateur.

Two hands later, the foreshadowing gods bestowed upon me pocket sixes. I had around $2,500 left and checked with three limpers in front of me. The flop came 6-3-2 rainbow. Top set, but a coordinated board and on a limped pot, I am nervous. I make a small bet and get one flat caller. Chasing? A-4? A-5? Overcards? A king comes on the turn. I bet out again. Called. River is a four. I'm just sure I'm beat. But I'm down to $1,500 and what am I going to do with that when everyone else has $5,000? I push. He flips bottom set. Phew. I almost had t4o spend a night with my wife and kids. Can't have that.

I treaded water for awhile, but was slowly sinking when I picked up KK UTG. I raised a healthy amount and got called by the button. Flop is all undercards and I bet pot...button goes all-in. Set? Nah...wouldn't have called the first bet. Aces? Maybe. But I have to call. He flips tens and I'm up to $7,500.

A few orbits later, I'm un the cut-off with Jd10d. Large stack UTG calls, UTG+1 is the biggest stack at the table and pops it to 520 which he had been doing with any face cards. I called to see the flop and so did the UTG. Flop came down 2-3-8 with two clubs. After two checks, I bet 2/3 pot figuring they couldn't have possibly hit that flop. They both fold. Position is a beautiful thing.

Okay, I'm boring myself. Let's skip to the end. I made it 4.5 hours. With about 750 people left, I had about $8,500 left and blinds at 400/800 with 100 ante. I got pocket sixes in middle position. It was folded around to me and I made what I deem to be my first BIG mistake since I pushed that flush that was no good. I KNOW that it's fold or push here. I know that. And yet, I made the mistake of looking at the tourney update. Even with my pathetic stack I was 640th and the top 522 pay. That money would mean a lot to my bankroll. It would virtually BE my bankroll. So I let that get the best of me and I just raised $3,000.

Folded around to the big blind and he let his timer run all the way down. So far in fact, I thought he folded. Until I saw the flop. 5-9-Q. BB checked to me. With $5,500 left, I thought he might have played an ace hoping to hit a flop or fold. Regardless, I was more than pot committed at this point in the tournament and wasn't about to fold (hence why I should have just PUSHED pre-flop). So I pushed. And he insta-called. With KQ. Tournament over. 749th place. Because I'm an idiot. In fairness to my idiotness, I was completely cold-decked for the last two hours of the tournament. I was a stealing machine just to stay alive. I didn't have a choice. But still...I push there and I don't think he can call with KQ and who knows what happens.

Bottom line though, I couldn't have possibly enjoyed the two FTOPS events I played in any more (okay, if I had won...maybe). I had the exhileration of satelliting in (that's what I tell myself as opposed to being too broke), I cashed in one and feel that I played some of my best poker in the other. Most importantly, it gave me experience and confidence. Both had been sorely lacking lately. Oh, and one more thing: I hate cash games.

I have been playing cash games like a slot machine, trying to hit and run. Mostly I was getting hit. And everytime I would think, "do you know how many $10 tournies I could have entered with the money I just lost on that hand?" I know that fundamentally there are two different types of minds that play cash vs. tournies and while people play both, almost everyone has a preference. I'm no longer cash-curious. I'm straight...tournaments.

Congrats again to Hoy and CMitch...looking forward to the next FTOPS.

That said, don't look for me tonight. I think I'll be taking a little break. For the good of my bankroll. And my marriage.

The hand that kept me out of the FTOPS Main Event...and the hand that put me in

2007-05-20T17:43:00.001-04:00

It's 18 minutes before the FTOPS main event with its $1.5 million guaranteed prize pool and I wanted to quickly jot down the circumstances through which I got a seat.

I took the winnings from my FTOPS 8 luckformance and tried a few satellites
into the big one. I started with a $24 super into the $100 main sat....and...yeah..that didn't go so well. So I bought directly into the $100 and into two $24 satellites. In one of the $24 satellites I was sitting pretty with over $6,000 and was in the top 3 with 30 people left and 8 getting seats. In the small blind, I looked at AdKd. Two limpers into the pot, I popped it 4x BB and BB went all-in.

The two limpers folded and I was almost forced to call. The hand unfolded as follows:

Doh.

I was left with about $1,500 chips and a failed double-up attempt later, I was out.

The good news was that I remained alive in the $100 satellite (read between the lines on how the other $24 sat went). And a single hand in that tourney changed my luck too...but for the better. After a successful steal on the guy to my right, I peeked at 88 in the BB. Undoubtedly annoyed at my steal in the previous hand, the SB pushed on me. I was thrilled when he flipped the Brunson. My hand held up and I was up over $9,500. With less than 300 people left and 265 getting a seat, the last 15 minutes were an eternity and full of folding and folding and people taking the entire time allotment. That and the douchebags with $40,000 raising the guys with $3,500. I HATE that.

Long story short, I qualified when I was in the BB and had $985 left. But the best story was BBT stalwart Bayne_S who had $285 with antes at 250 when the bubble burst.

Good luck to all in the Main Event...Bayne, Hoy, et al...see you at the final table.

The players in FTOPS 8 are my bitches...well, at least players 64-1,100

2007-05-19T09:25:00.001-04:00

I finished 63rd in FTOPS 8 for a cash in my first ever FTOPS event.
That's the good news.

The bad news is that I can't help but feel like I didn't play very well and just got cold-cocked by the deck...instead of getting cold-decked. In honor of my first ever tourney buy-in over $100, I downloaded a screenshot program to help in case I felt like posting any hands on my blog. In looking over the ones I saved...I'm almost embarrassed to include them.

I wish I had stories of well-executed traps, stone bluffs run on prolific online pros...instead I have stories of flopped full houses, flopped nut-flushes and miracle rivers.

Don't get me wrong, I know that to cash in a tournament like FTOPS is an achievement regardless of the circumstances. There were several pots I correctly identified a steal attempt and took the pot with a well-timed re-raise. There were several intuitive lay-downs that proved to be lifesavers. But I think every big pot came my way via the cards, not the play.

In the early stages of the tournament, I limped with 3d4d to see if I could get a glimpse of a free flop. The button min-raised. I called and the flop came: Ad-4c-10d...I bet the pot to see where I was and was re-raised immediately. I figured I was facing AK here...maybe AQ...but I had already taken a hit and needed to get back in. So I pushed and was insta-called. I was looking for a diamond, but a 4 came on the river and doubled me up. Not much skill there. Quite the opposite. I never push flush-draws...but I think I was a tad intimidated and tried to get some chips to play with.

I promptly donked off a lot of those chips to one of the chip leaders a few hands later. I had pocket sevens and flat called to try to trip up. The big blind, a large stack, checked. The flop came 6-8-K with two clubs. BB checked to me and I didn't make him for a king...so I bet pot. He called after a few seconds. The turn was another king. I bet pot again. I didn't see anyway he could call now. But he did. The river was a club, he bet 3/4 of my remaining stack and I folded.

The next pivotal hand was my most frustrating. I was getting shortstacked and looked at pocket 9s. I had every intention of pushing, but a pot-bet by an early position big-stack, an all-in by a short stack later, the action is on me. The 9s and a pot that size was too much to pass up...I put the early position raiser on overcards, but while I had NO IDEA what the shortstack held, I pushed. Initial raiser thought for a minute and called my additional money. As expected, the raiser had AQ and shortie had some suited connectors.

I'll spare the play-by-play, but my trips lost to a rivered straight. I still won some chips from the side-pot, but I was crippled.

A few hands later, with less than 10X BB, I made a cardinal sin and just min-raised with two low cards hoping to see a flop. I hit my six on the flop, and went check-check. The turn was a four and I was confident I was ahead here. I check-pushed and the SB thought he smelled a steal. his 4s were no good and I doubled-up.

The next hand led to some derogatory comments in the chat box, but I don't feel it was completely deserved. I had lost a few hands and was spiraling downward..perhaps a little on tilt...and raised from the cut-off. I was re-raised 2.5 times my initial bet by the small-blind. I don't know why, but I was confident he didn't have an ace and I still had enough chips that if I didn't get one on the flop I could fold and still have a chance so I called. Needless to say, the flop was kind. He checked, I pushed and he called.

In a poster-child for not limping with aces, see the following hand:

And the luck continues.

Shortly thereafter, the bubble burst and while I was ecstatic to cash, I looked and the bubble boy was BBT participant CMitch. I had looked earlier and he was in the top-10 and was shocked to see him in the most frustrating position in poker.

Given the cash and the fact that the next 50 or so spots earned roughly the same amount of money, I loosened up my play a little but I don't believe that had anything to do with the following hand. I found AK in the small blind. UTG +2 raised and since I HATE AK and really consider it like 10J...a simple drawing hand, I called. When the flop came A-Q-J, I just KNEW he had AQ or AJ and had two-pair. But I wasn't going to fold if he bet so I just pushed hoping he had a pocket pair and would fold. He didn't. Sure enough, I was facing AJ and it took a MIRACLE king on the river to keep my improbable run alive.

After a steal attempt with disappointing results and a few unfavorable flops, I was barely going to make it through the blinds the next time around. The next pay level had just come and gone and I didn't have anything to lose. I HATE pushing with A-no face in this position, much prefer 8-9 or 7-8, but I didn't have a choice and made the "crying" push. A medium stack thought for a LONG time before calling with 7-7. This was the best I could possibly have hoped for, but I had used up all my luck and was sent to the rail in 63rd.

A few final thoughts. I loved the experience of playing in FTOPS. It was the first "major" tournament I've ever played in (I haven't even played a Sunday Major) and it served as a great reminder that while my game has come a long way, I still have a long way to go. I am in a hurry so I don't have access to exact hand histories that might make some of the aforementioned plays a little more reasonable, but overall I don't think I played as poorly as this sounds and I don't think I played as well as my finish would indicate. But that's poker.

I have to say, I LOVE PL Hold'Em. I don't think I have ever played a PL Hold'Em tourney before and it just suits my game so well. I am not a big risk-taker, especially pre-flop, and have a tendency to get too tight toward the bubble and a little later in tourneys and without antes, these events are tailor-made for me. Then again, so are flopped boats and nut flushes.

I may try to use some of my winnings to take a few satellite shots at the main event for Sunday...I have to have something to do while I wait 8-12 weeks for my Full tilt hat to come in for cashing in an FTOPS event. Provided they don't withhold it for poor play. Which I may deserve.

FTOPS is my bitch...well, at least the satellites

2007-05-18T10:33:00.000-04:00

Okay, so that might be a little strong. Seeing as we're 8 events in and I haven't played in any FTOPS yet despite blowing most of my bankroll trying. However, Wippy finally gets over as I'll be playing in FTOPS 8 tonight. I was online donking my way out of Riverchasers and the $10 Daily Double tourneys when I saw a $50 satellite starting for FTOPS 8 that would reward almost 1/4 of the field with seats into the $216 event.

Despite the crippling account the tourney would take on the bankroll, one of my goals has been to play in an FTOPS (without buying in) and with the series winding down, I figured this would be one of my best opportunities. Well over 100 of my closest friends joined the tournament and 25 seats were awarded. I was down to less than $1,000 in a blink of an eye when AJ, AK, AK back-to-back-to-back failed to bring any chips my way. But I caught a few hands, made two moves on medium stacks that I knew would be too afraid to gamble and I was in the top 10 with 50 people left.

Then one of the most excruciating experiences of my poker life occured. It took FOREVER to get down the last 25 people. I have spent more than my fair share of time on the bubble in MTTs, in satellites, in SnG...but this was the most disgusting display of folding I have ever seen at EVERY table. People were just folding to the big blind everytime so AT MOST the small blind was the only thing moving every hand. It was physically painful. This coincided with a brutal run of cards for me and I couldn't even play a pot with any confidence.

I finally decided to try to make a little move once the blinds got above 250/500...and ran into pocket aces. So my "sure thing" was now on life support. Luckily I had a complete d-bag on my left and when I raised from the button with "the hammer" ... despite the fact that he was in the top-5 in chips, he decided to call me. The flop came down 4-7-J...I underbet the pot, trying to make it look like I had flopped something...and true to his calling station upbringing, he just flat called. I was slightly nervous, but confident in my read that he is an utter twatwaffle and then the 7 came down on the turn, I was even more confident. I underbet the pot again and this time he decided he'd had enough and put me all-in. I gladly called and he flipped A-4o.

That pot put me safely in position and I pretty much folded my way to a seat. But I still can't get over his play. Not the call on the flop...although rather odd. But why even play that pot at all? Did he think he’d get an “extra” seat if he won? He was safely in the chips…and sure, you don’t want to lay down a premium hand here but A-4? Okay, maybe if you flop the ace and don’t think I have one…make a play. Fine. But flop bottom pair and call?

Usually, when you see questionable plays, you can at least somewhat understand what the player was thinking…no matter how illogical and incorrect. This one? I’m flabbergasted. The good news is, I know there’s ONE person in FTOPS 8 I can beat. But that may be it.

I'm done with Home Games...

2007-05-17T11:17:00.000-04:00

The poker "revolution" is often discussed in terms of the boom of online poker, the re-emergence of poker rooms as focal points of brick and mortar casinos, as well as the multitude of poker-specific retail ventures...case in point: Pro Player Endurance Formula.

But one of the unitended consequences has been the downward trend of home games. These were once the bastion of poker. Six or seven guys in a dark room, smoking cigars and complaining about their wives or their Goomars ... or farther back, cowboys sitting around a table in a saloon, aces up their sleeves and ruffled whores draped on stairway railings watching every crooked pot get pushed. This was poker. Not Full Tilt or Foxwoods or WPT. But not anymore. And I for one, am REALLY glad.

I play mostly online. I am in a NL HE league, I have played in brick and mortars, but primarily it is online. Every now and then, I get invited to play with a decent group of guys in their "home game." It's usually a fun gathering complete with too many Bud Lights and various treats full of salty goodness. But unfortunately, it's also filled with things like "Black Mariah" and "Follow the Queen" and other bastardized versions of poker better played with buttons in mental institutions. Ordinarily, I just put up with it, and appreciate the good times the game offers.

That said, over the past few months, I have done my best to incorporate a few "real" poker games. First I started with Omaha. Then I really confused them with Omaha Hi/Lo. Heaven forbid...I attempted Razz. All were met with mixed receptions and expected poor play that I was happy to take care of. I just LOVE playing Razz when I keep getting called by a guy showing 10-K-9. Unfortunately all that changed in the last get-together.

A new guy joined us. You know the type. Fat. NY Yankees fan. Drives a Corvette. Is 39 and has a daughter. Loud. Drinks Coors Light. You know the type. In our dealer calls format, he called such gems as 7-27 and 3-5-7 ... good times. About two hours into the game, I called Omaha Hi/Lo. He shot me a confused look so I was happy to explain the rules and the other guys chimed in so he would understand. When we were done, he sat there and stared at us. I thought he just didn't understand. But no. He understood. His response?

"That is the stupidest game I have ever heard of. Why don't you just throw all the rules of poker out the window? I have never heard of that game and there isn't anyone that plays that game."

Sadly, I have to admit, he's right. I looked in the outline for Super System 3 and sure enough, the chapter on O E 8 has been replaced by one on 7-27.

My bad.

No more home games.

Unless there's ruffled whores involved.

7 Things...

2007-05-16T13:49:00.000-04:00

In my brief time blogging on myspace, the biggest thing that annoyed me was the incessant "tagging" where someone would come up with a silly concept and tag a bunch of other bloggers and they would have to divulge the same information. Well, that was the biggest thing that annoyed me aside from the people that complained about the blog tagging and then went ahead and completed the tag anyway.

And in the spirit of that spinelessness ... due to OOSSUUU754 ... here we go.

1. I played basketball on the floor at Madison Square Garden. Okay, not in a game. Not even when there was anyone in the stands. But I went with Ohio University when they were in the Preseason NIT and I practiced with them. One of the highlights of my life pre-college.

2. I once left a girlfriend at a hockey rink 45 minutes from our college without any way to get home. The "kicker" ... I was in a full leg cast from a torn patella tendon and she had been nice enough to drive me. I drove the 45 minutes back home with my right leg sticking over into the passenger seat and driving with my left foot. Those were my "dark" days as my lawyer and therapist call them.

3. I had my own horse racing handicapping television show in Washington, DC. Okay, it wasn't broadcast...it was closed circuit inside the track and at other racetracks. But still. I was on camera. And I was recognized at a horse track in Florida. I gave that guy money because he clearly needed it.

4. I’m in therapy and on Prozac. But who isn’t?

5. I got into a fight with a guy at a Let it Ride table in the former Aladdin in Las Vegas because he was harassing my brother about not playing the $1 bonus. Security was on their way and we scurried out the front door. I am still to this day unspeakably embarrassed. I can’t believe I played Let it Ride.

6. I want to retire to Annapolis, Maryland. I think it’s one of the most beautiful and interesting cities in America. Great food, beautiful people and incredible scenery…all of which can be enjoyed from the deck of a sailboat/retirement home.

7. I can still only count on one hand the amount of times I have played poker in a brick and mortar casino. But I am proud to say, I neither wear sunglasses, an I-Pod or poker-related clothing and I always post my blinds. And I hate straddles.

Since I think just about everyone in the poker blogging community has done this, let me tag five in the horse racing community:

Left at the Gate

Curb My Enthusiasm

Superfecta Blog

Foolish Pleasure

Top of the Stretch

That tuning fork goes off in your loins ...

2007-05-15T16:52:00.000-04:00

No, this isn't about the porn "p" ... it's the poker "p."

Hopefully it is well-documented by now that I struggle with the psychological aspect of the game. My mood swings dramatically alter my play and my Jekyl and Hyde personas can be somewhere between Alan Kessler and Joe Sebok...and Jason Alexander.

True to form, Sunday I decided I was going to play in FTOPS 3 and I spent over 3/4 of my bankroll on trying to qualify. Of course, I didn't. I then proceeded to donk the REST of my bankroll off at the Omaha tables, playing WAY too high of limits, trying to get it all back quickly as I didn't have any money to recharge the account.

By the end of Sunday night, my Full Tilt Poker account had $25.32 in it. At least I had:

Sadly, it wasn't until Monday night at 9:30 that I realized the problem with my plan to make the HOY my bankroll panacea (no, not the fact that I had never cashed in a BBT event)...Mondays at the HOY is a $26 buy-in. So clearly I just played a little .05/.10 hold'em, watched Heroes and went to bed, right? Hell no. I sat at an Omaha table and had my bankroll down to $13 before winning a $13 pot and I logged into the HOY at 9:55.

Now, anyone who has ever been to Vegas knows how this story should end. I should donk off all of my starting chips, lose in the first level and kick myself over and over again for chasing and chasing and chasing. And according to the ultimate HOY champ, Astin, that's the direction I was heading, "I'll be honest, when I was next to him early in the tournament I didn't think he stood a chance to go deep with the way he was playing." And yet...wait for it...wait for it...I finished second for a $250 score. I feel like the Earth has stopped rotating...a twinkie has actually decomposed...these types of events bend the space-time continuim. You're never supposed to win in these situations. There must be a plan for me. For this money.

It HAS to be to spend it all to buy into FTOPS 5 tonight for $216.

Right?

Wow...has it really been that long?

2007-05-15T14:47:00.000-04:00

Has it really been 11 days since I posted?

Worst. Blogger. Ever.

To make up for it, I guess I'll have to post twice today, but first a few random thoughts:

-- My chalk comment was prophetic for the Derby despite the "fast" conditions. Street Sense was awesome as he closed where no other horse was able to.

-- I couldn't have been happier for Borel. I get so tired of hearing how great Johnny V and Gomez are when jocks like Borel keep getting taken off their mounts so the big guys can win the big races. I don't have a problem with the system that causes this to happen, I understand, I just want the guys like Borel to get their moments in the sun. I'm glad he did.

-- I STILL don't like Hard Spun.

-- If it weren't for a $20 stake in a Pick Six syndicate that hit (twice) I would be depositing back into BrisBet.

-- I am being ostracized all over my social circles for my constant bickering about Senate Bill 16 in the Ohio legislature. I am in good company mind you as I am on the same side of this bill as the "Dancers for Democracy." But my contention to anyone who will listen (and many who cover their ears) is that this has NOTHING to do with my desire to enjoy lapdances without driving to Windsor, Ontario, Canada. Although that desire exists. Often. This is about a LEGAL business being forced to succumb to unfair regulations which will cause that business to close. That goes against everything this country was founded on and is virtually identical to the issues we face as poker players. See, poker and strippers have more in common than just Shannon Elizabeth.

What? You expected Nadia? Too easy.

-- The Texas legislature failed to act on HB 3186 in time and subsequently it died an unceremonious fate. And for those unfamiliar with the backwards and maddening way that the Texas legislature governs (or doesn't) this means the bill is dead for two years as their legislature only meets that often. Nice job if you can get it. But my point here is that everyone complains about Bill Frist sneaking the UIGEA into the Port Security Bill. Now people are accusing of Texas Republicans from purposefully shelving this bill to keep from moving it as if it is an under-handed and immoral action. That's politics people. Those are the rules. All this does is underscore the importance of groups like the PPA and the importance of each of us doing our part to speak up to our elected officials. If there was a groundswell of support, those legislators wouldn't have pocketed this bill and ignored it. They couldn't. If the pro-active groundwork had been laid by online poker sites, instead of permanently lurking in the gutters of democracy, Sen. Frist couldn't have snuck his legislation past the other lawmakers. I urge everyone to join the PPA and get involved.

Um...yeah...

2007-05-04T22:02:00.000-04:00

I hate chalk. I hate favorites.

Congratulations to the connections of Rags to Riches, Octave and High Heels.

I couldn't bet on you.

More importantly I wonder what this means for the Derby. I imagine the track will be sealed and a little better than it was today, but how much? The year Smarty Jones won, it was rather chalky and the Oaks was as well. Is it time to give Street Sense and Curlin another look?

Nah. I'd rather lose with style.

This Derby's A Bitch

2007-05-04T15:03:00.000-04:00

Before I launch into my Derby diatribe, I would like to add an addendum to my Oaks post yesterday. Louisville has been plagued with rain most of the week and the weather isn’t letting up. It looks as if today’s track could be less than blistering and tomorrow’s more of the same. While they will never allow a derby to be raced in the complete slop if they can avoid it (no choice the year Smarty won), I expect the strip to be a little better tomorrow. But today, eh, not so much.

As a result, I am tacking a little more credence to Autobahn Girl as she should be a decent price, is trained by Nick Zito and has the second highest Tomlinson ratings in the field. What is a Tomlinson rating? It’s Kramer’s “her mudder was a mudder” theory played out in numbers. Horses are ascribed figures for their affinity for wet tracks (and turf) based on their breeding. So if Autobahn Girl has the second highest Tomlinson rating of the field…who has the first? Rags to Riches. The favorite. Who I’m tossing.

Doh.

My bets for the Oaks:

$1 Exacta Box – 4,5,10,13,14 (Octave, Cotton Blossom, Autobahn Girl, Mistical Plan and High Again)…$20

$1 Oaks-Derby Double – 5, 10, 13/12, 18, 19, 20 (Cotton Blossom, Autobahn Girl, Mistical Plan/Nobiz Like Shobiz, Any Given Saturday, Dominican, Great Hunter)…$12

$20 win on Cotton Blossom (if above 10-1)

Good luck to me.

***

If the Oaks is the day for Louisville where everyone from the surrounding area enjoys the spectacle that is Derby week at Churchill Downs, Derby day is the day for Los Angeles and New York and Dubai and … you get the picture. Over 100,000 people buying $8 beers and $10 bloody mary’s and wagering more than they make in three months with men wearing a suit that’s more than they make in six months and women wearing dresses that would earn them more than they make in a year if they wore them on certain streets in certain cities (If they were whores…keep up).

Regardless, the Derby is wonderful. And this year will be the first derby I have missed in quite some time. Thankfully I will be watching with my dad and he has agreed to spill beer on me, charge me $6 for a hot dog from the grill and stand in front of the computer while I’m trying to make my bets reading his program for races three hours later a different track. So it’s like Louisville in Columbus.

I waxed poetic quite liberally on the wonders of the Derby yesterday. Let’s get down to business. I’ll follow the same structure for my Derby picks that I did for my Oaks selections yesterday.

The morning line favorite for the Derby is a lightly raced colt by Smart Strike named Curlin. He only has three starts under his belt, all this year. When people handicap the Derby year in and year out, there are many tidbits of conventional wisdom they like to rely on. There is a mythical statistic called dosage which takes certain breeding characteristics into account and for years there was a belief that a horse without a certain dosage could never win the Derby. Phooey. For a long-time, it was thought that geldings would never win another Derby. Roses, meet Funny Cide. Hogwash. There is a juvenile breeder’s cup winner “jinx” where no freshman champion has stood in the winner’s circle on the first Saturday in May. I think this has more to do with the way horses are campaigned and the fragility of today’s thoroughbred than a mystical curse. It’s just asking to be broken (but I hope not this year…more on that later).

But two conventions which have stood the test are time are that horses need to have raced at two and horses need at least four races under their saddle to be considered. Apollo was the last horse unraced at two to emerge victorious in the Derby…back in ’82. That’s 1882. The filly Regret was the last to be immortalized in Derby lore after only three career starts. 1915.

As a history major in college (sweet jesus what was I thinking?)…those numbers are rather dramatic and enough for me to play against Curlin on Saturday. But on paper, he is a possible superhorse. He has won his three career starts by a combined 28 lengths, including a visually striking 10-length score in the Arkansas Derby. Everyone who has seen this horse in person pontificates that he is the “ideal” thoroughbred in conformation. But in my opinion, unbettable for pari-mutuel purposes. Throw in the fact that I think 90% of the horses he has beaten so far are currently holding together the envelopes of america’s tax returns and if he wins, I will mutter, “it’s great for the sport” and grab another beer.

The other Derby darling is Street Sense. He is the aforementioned BC juvenile champ that I am hoping cannot break the curse. I will refrain from saying “I hope Street Sense breaks a leg” because I said that at the BC last year and Pine Island did just that and was euthanized on the track. SOOOOOOO…I’ll just say I hope Street Sense finishes fourth. No lawsuits coming from that. He was visually impressive in his ten-length romp over the best in the world last November at this same Churchill Downs track. But he did it from, not a golden rail, but maybe platinum…or plutonium…the rail was magic that day. And Street Sense should know. He never left it.

Likewise, in his first start of 2007, Street Sense BARELY beat Any Given Saturday after a dramatic stretch duel that demonstrated the heart of these two warriors. But he never had to leave the rail in an already short field. I think more than any other horse, Street Sense will be hindered by the field size. To make matters more shaky for Street Sense, his jockey is Calvin Borel, who while not exactly Manute Bol in the stirrups, is inexperienced in the Derby and may have some trouble navigating the horse to daylight. At least, that’s what I’m betting on. Or, rather, not betting on.

But I WILL be betting on Any Given Saturday. This 0-for-Derby number for Todd Pletcher simply cannot stand…I was reminded today that D. Wayne Lukas went 0-15 before he won his first of three. This year, like Nick Zito two years ago, Pletcher is loaded and I have landed on his poorest drawing colt.

Starting position isn’t nearly as important in thoroughbred racing as it is in harness racing, but in a field of 20, geometry would tell you starting 18^th isn’t the BEST spot to be. Others would point to AGS “weak” performance in the Wood as an indicator that he just doesn’t measure up. But that race was deceiving. If you watch the Wood:

You will notice that Johnny Velazquez didn’t exactly give AGS the perfect trip. He was wide both turns, never really moved him with authority. It screamed of a warm-up trip and he still got a 91 Beyer which is higher than many horses on their best day. To make matters worse, AGS was on “short” rest after the aforementioned grueling stretch duel with Street Sense in the Tampa Derby. AGS showed me a lot in that race and the PPs show me one other thing I like a lot…he has a VERY high Tomlinson rating. If the track comes up muddy, AGS could revel in it. Add on top of that, the best big money jockey in the sport in my humble opinion, Garrett Gomez, and AGS is my horse.

The one big knock against AGS in my mind though is that he is the “wise guy” horse this year from what I understand. Every year a horse captures the attention of the “wise guys” on the backstretch, in the OTBs in New York City, in the back of Sirens here in Columbus…or so I’ve heard. Every year that horse is touted, every year he takes A LOT of money and every year he finished up the track. I ALWAYS bet against that horse. Until this year.

One of my other Derby pet peeves is people who pick two horses out of the same prep race. Guess what? I’m doing that too. My second selection is Nobiz Like Shobiz. He beat AGS in the Wood and as you could see from the video, was very determined in holding on to win that race. The knock against him is that he is very immature, especially in the stretch drive. In his Fountain of Youth race against Scat Daddy, Nobiz refused to run straight in the stretch, costing himself the victory. As a result, trainer Barclay Tagg added blinkers and cotton in the ears of Nobiz for the Wood…to a fantastic result. I am just so impressed with his determination and progression as a racehorse. His jockey, Cornelio Velazquez doesn’t inspire a TON of confidence, but he should get Nobiz in decent position from post 12.

The horse that I just cannot help but like (although trust me, I have tried) is Great Hunter. Anyone that knows my biases in life knows that I hate strippers who wear perfume AND glitter, prefer Pepsi to coke and I hate horses from California. Great Hunter has had seven starts lifetime and this will be his second outside California. But his first…the BC at Churchill in November where he was steadied in the first turn and was quite impressive in finishing third. His first race this year was a Grade 2 in California where he took the lead four-wide into the lane and swept by Derby-entrant Sam P for the victory and a 101 Beyer.

He was bet down to second favorite in the Blue Grass, which was run over the NOTORIOUSLY closer-favoring polytrack. And while that normally would fit Great Hunter’s style perfectly, he was WAY too close to the pace and finished a dawdling fifth. The only thing that race did was pump up his odds for the Derby. I’m not a tremendous Doug O’Neil fan and he conditions Great Hunter, but he is well respected and Corey Nakatani is a solid rider who I am convinced can work out a trip for Great Hunter. If there is any kind of pace and Great Hunter can weave through traffic, I can see him getting the last call at a solid price.

The complete mystery to me in this field is another horse who drew VERY poorly and that’s Dominican. Sandwiched between Great Hunter and AGS, Dominican is a stone closer in the vein of Circular Quay. He won the Blue Grass at Keeneland in typical come-from-behind fashion, but while I might easily toss out a horse who has done that, but nothing else, Dominican very well may be just coming into his own. His race before that, also on polytrack, was more of a stalking trip where he exploded against inferior company to win by open lengths.

As a two-year-old, Dominican raced on dirt, including the Churchill surface to mediocre results, but the question about this colt is whether his improvement is due to his maturity or the change in surface. My guess is a little bit of both, but based on his bullet work at Churchill Downs and the fact that he’s being ridden by the once and still king of Kentucky, Rafael Bejarano (with apologies to Mr. Leparoux)…he will get some of my money. I think you will see three horses flying around the far turn in the Derby and one of them will seriously challenge for the victory. It could be Great Hunter, it could be Dominican and it could be Circular Quay.

With 20 horses, it becomes painful to go through horse by horse to find ones to include, especially in the exotics. To help you in that, allow me to give you some horses that do not even require 30 seconds of attention.

Sedgefield is a turf horse. The Derby is run on dirt. While nobody has discussed this angle, I think he is solely in here to ensure a solid pace for stablemate Dominican.

Storm in May is a beautiful, gray horse who is blind in one eye and virtually unbettable to any handicapper with TWO eyes.

Cowtown Cat is another Pletcher entry with three wins in four starts, but appears to be drastically overmatched in here. Great for Jara to get a chance to ride in the Derby…now if Pletcher will just put him on a contender.

Liquidity will be about 60-1 and should be 100-1. He ran a 102 Beyer in a bogus California race in February. It takes more than that to win the Derby. And David Flores is his jockey. It takes more than that to win the Derby.

Teuflesberg deserves a medal for being raced 11 times since last July and still standing upright. He doesn’t however deserve a blanket of Roses in May.

Bwana Bull just keeps showing up every 3-4 weeks, racing and producing mediocre results. Mediocre wins Grade 3 races at Bay Meadows. Not the Derby.

Sadly…that still leaves us with nine horses!

Zanjero is a somewhat chic longshot pick and he does have a decent turn of foot, but will need one clean run and rarely is that trip available in this race. Imawildandcrazyguy is improving and broke poorly in his last start, giving him an excuse. Hard Spun turned in an almost world record work and many are concerned it took too much out of him. I’m concerned there wasn’t enough in him to begin with. His best win was at Turfway Park for God’s sake. Sam P. is a Pletcher pupil who could mix it up a little in the early and middle stages of the race. I am slightly intrigued by him and if my brother from a Hispanic mother Ramon Dominguez can work his magic, he could conceivably be a factor in this race. Scat Daddy is THE horse that I am throwing out for the most part that scares me the most. He just looks like a winner. I hate tossing horses like that. Edgar Prado is in the saddle. I HATE throwing horses like that. If I can get decent odds on him, 8-1 or higher, I might have to include him. Tiago is another wise-guy horse as he is the brother to Giacomo and has a similar running style…but maybe even better acceleration. I just don’t think he’ll get a good trip in here and it will be a rude awakening with horses of this caliber and a field of this size. Circular Quay has been off too long for my tastes and I don’t like his running style as a rule. Stormello will likely be battling for the lead early with Sedgefield and Teuflesberg and will likely be battling for the booby prize with Sedgefield and Teuflesberg late. And no, that prize is not awarded in the infield. (Rimshot please…those however ARE often awarded in the infield)

Phew. That does it. I’ll post my actual Derby plays tomorrow. To give you something to play against.

Kentucky Oaks...the bitch Derby

2007-05-03T12:14:00.000-04:00

I haven't blogged much about horse racing since I started, but since I clearly have mastered poker (see post below), perhaps it's time to tackle new challenges.

Truth be told, horse racing was my first degenerate vice and one in which I have held several jobs. While the pari-mutuel aspect of horse racing certainly fulfills my gambling jones, I am probably one of the few remaining souls under 80 years-old and not employed by the Daily Racing Form that considers horse racing a sport.

One important distinction. When I refer to horse racing, I am including both thoroughbred racing and harness racing. I am a rare bi-racing fan...please, no e-mails from "RickEXTRAthick" ... I mean I enjoy both types of horse racing. It seems so many people are one or the other and harbor some extreme distaste for the other. This splintering is a major reason the sport is in the state that it is. But I digress.

We are about to embark on one of the premiere two-day stretches in thoroughbred racing with the Kentucky Oaks for three-year-old fillies tomorrow (Friday) and the Kentucky Derby for three-year-old colts on Saturday. There are any numbers of statistics (longest continual sporting event in America, over 150,000 people in attendance, over 100,000 mint juleps consumed) that you can bore people with or cliches (Greatest two minutes in sports) that you can bore people with. But simply put, I believe attending the Kentucky Derby (NOT in the cess pool that is the infield) is one of the top-10 things anyone should do before they die. Not sports fans. Anyone. It truly has something for everyone.

So I wanted to take a time-out to talk about the Kentucky Oaks and the Kentucky Derby in this space to hopefully generate at least a passing interest and a passing fancy in this great drama and visual spectacle that is horse racing.

The Oaks is scheduled for 5:45 on Friday and will be broadcast live on ESPN. A few quick facts about the race, first run in 1875. It is conducted over 1 1/8 miles, the longest most of these fillies have run and the longest some of them will ever run. And more importantly for us gambaholics, it has a tendency to produce extreme longshots.

I don’t think this year will be any different.

The current favorite and horse du jour is Rags to Riches. She ships in from California for trainer Todd Pletcher, perhaps the hottest trainer in the country over the past several years. Her last start was the Santa Anita Oaks where she dominated at a short price, winning by five lengths. That was her third straight win following a fourth place debut last June. And while you can’t put a tremendous amount on a race almost a year ago, it was over the same track she’ll be running on in the Oaks. To take that a step farther, horses from California have NOT run well over the Churchill oval (with the notable exception or Mr. Giacomo in 2005).

I am not sold on this filly, as you can probably tell. I think she will be overbet due to the Pletcher connection, her rider Garrett Gomez and her recent win. She is a nice filly and very well may win by open lengths, but I am going to look elsewhere.

Also sure to be one of the favorites is High Heels. This is a filly of questionable breeding (E Dubai) for a small but effective stable (Gary Hartlage) with a journeyman jockey (Joe Johnson). Sounds more like a movie script than an Oaks-winning horse doesn’t it? Compile that with the fact that prior to her last score at Oaklawn in the Fantasy, she was only two-for-nine lifetime. Again, I will have to pass at morning line odds of 6-1.

Dreaming of Anna is the reigning juvenile filly Breeders Cup champion who at the time was even talking of taking on the boys in the Derby. Since then, however she has thrown in a weak third place finish at Gulfstream and a second place finish on the turf at the same track. She was then given well over two months off without even showing a work-out before being entered surprisingly in the Oaks. She was even taken out of the advanced betting. She will draw some money based on her BC win at Churchill last year, but I simply cannot see her getting 1 1/8 miles with her current fitness level.

So if I am discounting the two favorites, where am I leaning? Two places. First and foremost is Cotton Blossom. She was the “it” horse before her last race where she lost to High Heels at Oaklawn Park. Also trained by Pletcher, she was bet down to less than even money in that race before running into a brisk pace set by two longshots and perhaps being moved a little too early by John Velazquez. She picks up Edgar Prado here and I think she will get a trip much more to her liking in here. She is the definition of a stalker and I think in the third race of her form cycle is ready for a big jump. If I get 9-1 or higher, I will be all over her like R Kelly on a girl scout.

Another longshot selection is Mistical Plan. There are a lot of stalkers in this field, but not a ton of true speed with the exception of Dreaming of Anna and Mistical Plan. I am inclined to think Dreaming of Anna will be a little cautious in this race with not being on the track for several months and I foresee Mistical Plan on the lead by herself. Jockey David Flores is one of the best at getting his mounts out of the gate quickly and I think with a well-rated trip she has every chance to go gate-to-wire. Her last start was over the mystery substance that is polytrack in the Ashland at Keeneland. A notoriously closer-favoring track in the last year, I can forgive her fifth place finish after setting the pace. Her open-length victory over Oaks contender Octave at the Fair Grounds is much more likely to be a true example of her ability.

One horse I am very curious about is High Again. She is another stalker-type, but is one of the few in the field to show a line at 1 1/8 miles on her past performances and it was a driving victory in a stakes at Gulfstream Park. Trained by Bill Mott and ridden here by Cornelio Velazquez, I think she could provide a price for the exotics.

To help you further narrow down this 14-horse field, I think there are some easy “throw-outs” that don’t even warrant attention.

Cash Included is a highly-touted horse shipping from California, but she has never shown a finish higher than third in her sophomore campaign.

Grace Happens was only entered due to D. Wayne Lukas’ enormous ego and since he didn’t have anything in the derby, he put an overmatched filly in the Oaks. See: Ex Caelis last year.

Swift Temper has “miracle waiting to happen” Julian Leparoux but that miracle is going to have to wait a little longer. She doesn’t have a prayer.

Sealy Hill’s only good race came on Polytrack at Turfway Park. No thanks.

I think the way the race shapes up will have a tremendous amount to do with the ultimate winner, as is often the case. If Mistical Plan can get loose on the lead, I believe she will win. If she gets pressure from several sources and the stalkers move a little too early, I think a horse like Octave can definitely be the race-winner but at expected odds less than 5-1, I will play others. If the race COMPLETELY falls apart, perhaps Dawn After Dawn or Autobahn Girl could win and blow-up the toteboard in the process.

Derby preview tomorrow.

I will lose all "Table Cred"

2007-05-02T09:43:00.000-04:00

But it's a risk I'm willing to take, even with the Mookie tonight.

So here it is. I am a ridiculously low-limit player with minimal success in my past performance line. Wow. It feels better to get that out there.

Now that we've established that, anyone reading this (my mother and some ridiculously bored inmates...thank you Iggy) has context for what I'm about to say.

I cashed last night in the $10 Daily Double A tournament on Full Tilt, finishing sixth out of over 1,100 entrants for a cool $400, taking my Full Tilt bankroll over $500 for the first time ever. Yes, you read that right. Not only is this my biggest cash ever in online poker, but the first time my account has been over $500. I have never deposited more than $125 in FT at any one time and have been grinding, grinding and grinding and playing WAY above my bankroll.

This cash was satisfying for several reasons. First of all, I finally have a legitimate online cash on my resume...popping my cherry if you will. "You're my Cherry Pie..." sorry...Warrant flashback. Secondly, it is the first time I have ever loosened my play up enough in the late stages of a large tournament to do anything other than bubble. Because I have been playing so far over my head, every $15 is important so instead of pushing with those pocket sevens, I make a limp-wristed call and fold when the 10-6-2 flop comes down. Yeah, I suck.

But more importantly, it drastically underscored the importance of bankroll management, even for a recreational player. The comfort level I had playing in that tournament, playing to win, not to save enough for the next .05/.10 PL Omaha table took me into a completely different mindset and completely elevated my game. I had always viewed bankroll management as simply a financial issue. Sure, I felt a little more tight when playing above my head (read: could barely breathe in the $5 PL Omaha game at 9:45), but I convinced myself that it didn't affect my play. Ha.

The scary thing is that now I don't have an excuse. I have $500 to play with, plenty of tournaments and tables that fall within that range and I need to practice what I'm currently preaching and play within that bankroll. We shall see. However, I can foresee an epic battle in the near future between my newfound view on bankroll management and my aforementioned quest for respect. With FTOPS on the horizon and the WSOP looming in the distance, I fear for my bankroll's safety.

And not just from that "Brazen Beauty" inmate.

Follow-up

2007-04-28T21:56:00.000-04:00

I’ve been thinking about my last post and I think I have a solution. Someone needs to write a book about online play. Not the online play of “BodogAri” or the infamous “Waffles.” But solid, perceptive online play and things like bankroll management, how to detect betting patterns, how to recognize the “squeeze play” and benefits of deep stack tournaments (tricks to avoid the inevitable suck-out). So many of these principles are crucial for the $1-$2 limit live games too...these games are just online ring games played in person, aren’t they? You’ll find people of all skill levels, hiding behind relative anonymity and completely clueless to bet and pot sizes. You find tells are virtually worthless, hand valuation is a lost art and “all-in” is as common as “fold.”

All of this makes complete sense. Where are these $1-$2 players coming from? Where did they learn the game? Super System? Nope. Sawdust-infested card halls in the Lone Star state? Nope. More likely Party Poker. Freerolls even. And yet, here we are reading everything we can from the best in the world. Soaking up every CardPlayer article on the intricacies of playing pocket pairs from middle position.

Know thy enemy, right? Now…where can we find a bad rounder with enough time on his hands to tell us all he doesn’t know? Hmmm…I just might know one.

A new chapter...

2007-04-28T01:01:00.000-04:00

I am preparing to embark on a new chapter in my life, one that will hopefully change the lives of my entire family for the better. No, I’m not learning Triple Draw 2-7. Although there’s money to be made there. In the next month I am planning on leaving the public relations firm with which I am currently employed and starting my own business. I am planning to parlay the experience and client-base I’ve accumulated to start my own public affairs firm.

I am clearly scared out of my mind, but provided the clients are there, it should allow me to spend more time with my family, make dinner and MAYBE a little more time for poker.

In addition, I am planning on doing a little freelance writing as well to supplement the other income. Maybe some poker, maybe some horse racing and maybe a book. Who knows. But if I do write a book, I think there is a serious gap in the poker literature. There are plenty of beginner books…thank you Phil Gordon and thank you Poker for Dummies, i.e. Negraneu’s treatise. There are plenty of “advanced” books…thank you Cloutier, McEvoy and Brunson. But who is writing about the “wild, wild, west” that is the $1-$2 NL tables in Vegas and the mid-level tables and tournaments online? In my opinion, nobody. And I think I know why.

Who can give advice on how to play against such a wide-range of, ahem, styles? Yeah. Styles. Really, think about many of the poker truisms that can be thrown COMPLETELY out the window.

In many of the standard poker books, one theorem oft repeated is that you play the player, not the cards…that the cards become irrelevant. Really? So you KNOW that guy called the $12 raise in the $1-$2 game with a 5-7 and flopped his straight? I mean, clearly they were suited. That explains it. You MAY be able to tell by his betting patterns, but there’s no tell in the world that can scream, “I played 5-7 and your pocket 10’s are no good here.”

Here’s one of my personal favorites. Raises are crucial to obtain information. Maybe if you raise $100. I was playing in the Cherokee Casino in Tulsa, OK yesterday…$1-$2 NL. I raised $15 from UTG +1 with AK. I knew it may fold around to me, but I was okay than that. But I really thought I would get one person willing to take a stab with that KQ. At a nine-handed table and the UTG already in the muck, guess how many callers? Five. Flop came K-6-2 rainbow. Somebody held 6-6. That was expensive. Was it my fault for over-valuing top pair? Maybe a little. But I had watched my opponent long enough to know that he would play any two cards to the river. This time he just happened to have a hand. Trips and he never raised. Yeah, the pre-flop raise and all the subsequent raises really gained me a lot of information.

My point is not to deride the play of anyone. Don’t tap the tank. I get it. And most of them time, I will reap the benefits. I know all of this. I am just pointing out that while the beginner books are worthwhile for beginners to learn about blinds, starting hands and chasing inside straights and advanced books are good for high-level play, I think these books are perhaps even detrimental to the mid-level players.

But what do I know? I’m starting my own business. Maybe I’ll re-think that 2-7 Triple Draw.

I can't believe I'm posting something positive about Barney Frank...GO BARNEY!

2007-04-26T08:27:00.000-04:00

Frank bill would repeal ’06 Internet gaming crackdown

Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) will introduce legislation today that seeks to reverse a controversial crackdown on Internet gambling, which the Republican-led Congress passed in 2006.

While passing the bill will be difficult, there is a big financial incentive for Democratic leaders to pass it.

The chairman of the Financial Services Committee is looking to raise tens of billions of dollars with his new bill, which could be used to pay for expensive tax, healthcare, or other domestic legislation Democrats want to move this year.

The introduction of the bill and its expected movement in the 110th Congress shows how much has changed in the nation’s capital since the November elections.

With Democrats in the majority, the power of social conservatives diminished and new pay-as-you-go rules, supporters of a repeal believe the time to strike is now.

Frank, a longtime critic of regulating Internet gambling, opposes the law on philosophical grounds.

“It’s a terrible idea and there are a large number of people who think it is a terrible idea,” Frank said yesterday. “I don’t know how it ends. The worst that happens is that enough anti-gambling busybodies will be less inclined to interfere in people’s lives.”

Gambling lobbying groups were more than pleased by Frank’s announcement.

“We’re incredibly excited. I’m very interested in what the final version will look like,” Michael Bolcerek, president of the Poker Players Alliance, said. “But from what we understand, it will do the right thing for poker players and at the same time protect the public interest.”

The group, led by former Sen. Al D’Amato (R-N.Y.), was formed to overturn the gaming law.
Frank believes that the GOP is hypocritical in saying it wants to reduce government intrusion but then passes legislation that regulates certain personal freedoms.

In 2000, Frank said, “It is important that people be able to do what the Republican Party wants them to do on the Internet. If the Republican Party has no objection, then they can do it. But if the Republican Party thinks there are pictures they should not look at, or perhaps booze they should not buy, or bets they should not make, then freedom for the Internet goes away.”

Because the law significantly affects the financial services industry, Wall Street is closely monitoring the Frank bill.

Friedman Billings Ramsey, an investment firm, wrote in a strategy memo that the Frank bill could raise more than $20 billion over five years.

The bill is expected to call for the Internet gambling industry to be taxed through a structured system.

Frank’s proposal, however, could face an uphill battle in the House, which passed the stand-alone measure 317-93 last summer. A less stringent version of the bill was later folded into a port security measure that was signed by the president last fall.

One source said that leadership officials in the House are on board with Frank’s plan, though Frank said he did not seek clearance from them.

Several members of leadership voted for the House bill last July, including Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and Majority Whip James Clyburn (D-S.C.). Meanwhile, Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) voted no, as did Ways and Means Chairman Charles Rangel (D-N.Y.).
Republicans, who spent six years attempting to pass the Internet bill, are mobilizing against Frank’s effort.

“We’re going to fight it,” said Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-Va.), a leading proponent of the crackdown on Internet gambling. “I’d be surprised if the new leadership would want to bring back an issue that took six years, because of one Jack Abramoff, to resolve.”

In 2000, then GOP lobbyist Abramoff, now a convicted felon, marshaled his conservative allies in the House to defeat a bill that included a ban on Internet gambling.

The law prohibits Americans from using credit cards and checks to play on-line poker, place bets and engage in other forms of gambling.

The proposed legislation could benefit the offshore gambling sites that saw their U.S. customer base disappear when Congress stepped in last year. Hedge funds helped to drive down their stocks in anticipation of the curtailment of online gambling.

The share prices of PartyGaming LLC and 888 Holdings, two online gaming companies that are traded on the London stock exchange, have fallen more than 50 percent since last year.
The stocks have started to claw their way back in recent months, as hedge funds and other investors came to believe the government would falter at stamping out such a popular online activity. PartyGaming has seen its stock roughly double in the past three months.

Some U.S. companies also stand to gain from overturning the 2006 law, including Cryptologic, which provides software and services for internet gambling sites, said Andrew Parmentier, a senior analyst at Friedman Billings Ramsey.

Lobbyists for banks and credit card companies that would have shouldered much of the burden of enforcing the gaming crackdown, reacted favorably to Frank’s announcement.

“We’d be very pleased to see that law repealed simply because it would remove a potential burden on the financial system and especially on community bankers,” said Steve Verdier, the senior vice president for congressional affairs at the Independent Community Bankers of America.

“We also understand it will be a little bit of a road to get a repeal,” he added.

Bob Cusack contributed to this report.

The Hill (04/26/07)

Biggest Flaw in Your Poker Game?

2007-04-24T23:06:00.000-04:00

No, I don't mean, "Well, 76% of the time when I get KJo in the hijack and flat call, I find myself vulnerable to pocket pairs 33-99..." I will leave that to PokerTracker. I mean mentally. Psychologically. What is your biggest flaw? Mine is easy. My desire for respect.

This may sound odd (or slightly Rodney Dangerfield-esque for anyone old enough to remember Rodney Dangerfield or brilliant enough to recognize the genius of Caddyshack)...but hear me out. I assure you, it is an even bigger problem than your inability to fold the KJ. I am slowly beginning to realize that this perfectionism and childish focus on praise and acceptance is self-destructive in my professional life, but I am painfully aware of the -EV as it relates to this particular game of skill.

My yearning for respect at the poker table, either on the virtual or visibly stained felt, manifests itself in several ways. First of all, and most glaringly, I WAY overuse the continuation bet. I want respect for the hand that I am pretending I am holding. Nice, huh? There are just sometimes where a check is prudent, necessary or at the very least acceptable. Not me. I fire. Everytime. I just can't help myself.

Less obviously, I become obsessed with any kind of standings. In my monthly poker league, I would rather finish third every time and end up with high points for the league (but toward the bottom in ROI) than win twice and flip-flop the deliverables. I played virtually EVERY BBT event until this week. I was one of the leaders in events played and one of the bottom feeders for points per events played. With $0 to show for my efforts.

I find this quixotic quest for respect to be even worse in live play than in online play. The thought of getting up first from that tournament and walking out of the room, knowing I got all of my money in with the best of it is terrifying. I would much rather finish in the middle of the pack and have folded that middle set because I was just SURE the other guy had top set and I didn't want to bust too early. I even play for the "story." You know, the story you tell your poker-retarded friends and loved ones. The one where, "I got all of my money in as a 60% favorite, but the donkey sucked out on me and I was first out" = LOSER. But "I was just card dead...I fought and fought and finished 32nd out of 195" = ersatz credibility. Could you HAVE a more destructive philosophy? Aside from a style of play which earns you the nickname "Mr. Inside Straight" of course.

I enter this confessional because last night I expended a hard-earned $75 token to enter a satellite for the 100-seat Main Event Extravaganza on Full Tilt. I won a nice pot early on and found myself sitting near the top of the 19 person field. I proceeded to play not to lose and subsequently bubbled fourth when top 2 got seats and third got $250. In a tournament where the top three get paid, my honest to God goal after that first pot was to make the final table. Not to win. Not to earn a seat. To best less than half the field and watch my full tilt background morph into the bastardized WPT final table set.

Why? Because I recently uncovered the poker database where you can check your stats and I felt my final table percentage was a little too low. As MTTs are my passion when it comes to poker, this is the one mental flaw I simply MUST overcome if I am ever to become profitable. As any highly-paid and equally fucked up shrink will tell you, admitting it is the first step. Now...if I just knew what the second step was...

"I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?"

Calling all "Graphic-Type" People...

2007-04-23T15:03:00.000-04:00

I need a logo developed. Anyone good with graphic software? E-mail me at wippy1313@hotmail.com.

Greg Norman...Jean Van de Velde...Wippy1313

2007-04-22T11:41:00.001-04:00

I have a love/hate relationship with Golden Tee.

I love Golden Tee, the machine. I love that I can now use my credit card instead of interminably feeding $1 bills into a finicky machine when I could be saving them for Destiny or Sugar or Victoria. I love that I can waste money on different clubs and different balls that have no impact whatsoever on my game. It's so true to life.

I love Golden Tee, the machine. I hate Golden Tee the game. I'm not too bad at the game. Decent "handicap" ... can hook and shape the ball with the best of them. The calluses on my swing hand are strong enough from a variety of activities that I don't get many of the dreaded GT injuries. My problem? I am ALWAYS good for one disasterous hole. If there is a hole where you can be completely in jail and mark up the 10, I'll do it. It doesn't matter how hard I try to play smart golf, fairways and greens, I will end up in some crevace that will cost me $5 or $10 to the lucky stiff playing me heads-up.

And to make matters worse, I KNOW this about myself and I am constantly WAITING for this hole. It's in my head on every tee. "Is this the hole?" I am never as aggressive as I should be because I'm afraid of that hole. And yet invariably, I'll be on hole 13 or 14, playing well, usually leading and I will start to get a little cocky. I start to try to clear some trees I know full well I can't clear with a 3-wood. And I end up picking pine needles out of my teeth, marking double-digits on the scorecard.

What's the point in relating this short-coming of mine? It extends to my poker game as well. Last night I was in a 30-person MTT. A WIDE range of skill levels. For example, one guy has played in a few WSOP events and one guy flipped three diamonds and two hearts and declared he had a flush because they were all red. ALL skill levels. It makes for interesting table changes. That's for sure.

This is usually a re-buy tournament, but last night we bumped the buy-in and the freeze out was on. With a flat blind structure, I appropriately played tight early and hit the first break about average in chips. Following hitting a few flops pretty hard, I almost doubled-up and I began thinking about the final table. There were two short stacks at my table that had been nursing them rather tightly and we were all looking for opportunities to take advantage.

One of them was directly to my left and in this particular hand, he was in the BB. He had about T5,000 with blinds at 300/600. The action was folded around to me and I looked at 4c5c. I raised to T1,500 figuring was was all-in or folding. He called. Ummm...okay. Flop came A-J-3 rainbow. I checked. Mistake #1. Well, mistake number one was probably being in the hand at all for a "min" raise...but let's just say this is mistake #1 to make me feel better. He checks behind. The turn is a 4. I pair-up, but not exactly a powerhouse. I check again. He splashes $1,200 in the pot. Being a somewhat inexperienced and weak player, I thought he was just trying to take it down. How could a 4 have helped him and if it did, why that bet? So I called.

River was a 9. No help. But if he did have a four, this was an over. I ask for a chip count and put him all-in for his last $2,300. As tight and weak as he had been playing, I expected it to be an easy fold. But without much hesitation, he calls. And flips A-2. His betting patterns make ZERO sense, but what POSSIBLE reason did I have to play this and the way I did? Just like Golden Tee, I was sailing along, doing relatively well, thought I could just get this guy to bend to my will and next thing I know, my tournament chances were dashed.

Made the final table, but finished eighth. If I routinely donked off my chips or one bad beat after another or whatever, that's one thing. But to play good poker for 2.5-3 hours and routinely waste it all with one bad hand. Is this just a lack of concentration? Is it a psychological flaw? Does anyone else experience this? Have any thoughts? More importantly...anyone have any singles? I have a date with Destiny.

Nostradamus-like Prophecy...

2007-04-17T10:44:00.000-04:00

Self-knowledge is a scary thing. You never want to be blinded by your self-image so that you cannot adequately "Know Thy Self."

But sometimes knowing yourself too well can be even more painful.

Due to familial obligations, I was unable to grab a token for last night's MATH on Full Tilt. So thanks to my PLO winnings from the weekend, I went ahead and bought-in...something that physically pains me. I LOOOOOVVVEEEE to satellite. I won't break out into Dave Matthews here no matter how much I may want to.

I went into the tournament knowing full well it was going to be a disaster in some way shape or form. Mentally, I was not prepared to play. I was allowing my ego to get the best of me and even though it means NOTHING, I was playing for points in the Battle of the Bloggers.

That invariably leads to disaster. But I held my own through the first few levels, maintaining a relatively static chip count (as is my Modus Operandi). Sensed weakness in one button raise and re-raised with nothing...maxed out at around $3,600 chips. Made it through the first level and promptly tightened up more than A-Rod's A-Hole in the playoffs. I was getting blinded to death (as is my Modus Operandi) when I got KcQc in middle position. I had been playing rather tightly and when the action was folded to me, I raised 3.5xBB. All folded to Joe Speaker in the big blind. He had a healthy stack of chips and popped me. I thought for a minute, but as I had a small stack by this point, I figured he was trying to bully me...or if not, hopefully I had two live cards with straight and flush possibilities. I thought maybe a middle pocket pair...and pushed all-in.

He insta-called and flipped A-K. Doh.

The flop came A-J-x with two clubs. Straight possibilities, flush possibilities...TONS of outs. Soemone even said they smelled a suck-out. Alas...it was not to be. The ironic part of this sad, pathetic tale is the end of my blog posted yesterday. Scroll down. I'll wait.

"But these darned bloggers are too well-versed in the re-raise and my enormous ego is terrified I might have to lay down that KdQd or worse yet...call with it."

See it? Yeah...so I had the suit wrong. Kill me.

Gravedigger...when you dig my grave...won't you make it shallow. So that I can feel the rain?

Couldn't resist Dave that time around.

Thank you Shamus...

2007-04-16T10:09:00.000-04:00

As a wide-eyed newbie to the world of poker bloggers, I am frolicking from site to site, adding multiple sites to my trusty google reader. Some I keep for days...some for mere hours. One can only stare at so many screenshots of bad beats before they all start to run together. I have found that I can pick up little "nuggets" from almost everyone, however...even if it's a not so subtle reminder of what NOT to do.

But in the last week, one of the most helpful blogs I've run across is "Hard Boiled Poker" by Short-Stacked Shamus. His approach is intelligent, varied and most importantly he understands that poker and NL HE are not exactly synonymous and all encompassing.

One of the most difficult aspects for my taking poker seriously is the lack of discernible results, especially in cash games. Somewhere a highly paid shrink will say this has "something" to do with my perfectionism. But I digress... I played basketball in high school. If I scored over 20 points and/or the team won, I considered it a successful outing. In poker, outside of a tournament victory, how do you measure success? How do you walk away from the table feeling that you played your best?

Many people consider outcomes/profit to be the barometer. But that is flawed in so many ways. Pure variance/probability will dictate that you can play the best poker in the history of this horrible, neh wonderful game and still finish down for a session or a month's worth of sessions. And conversely, as we're all too painfully aware, the biggest donk in the history of equidae can come out ahead in the short-term.

So if money can't be used...and you sit down at a .25/.50 PLO table...what can be used to measure success? Mentally, over the past year or so, I have told myself that if I could walk away from the table feeling like I "out-played" those during my session, then it would be some sort of ephemeral victory. Sure...maybe I bluffed at a $10 pot with my last $8 to my Full Tilt name...but by taking the chance, I outplayed that guy who called with the runner-runner but flush to felt me. And conversely, if I played spandex-tight poker and just took advantage of those willing to risk their stack with TPTK in a nine-handed Omaha game, I was somehow stooping to their level.

What a destructive and bankroll killing line of thought when you're a self-avowed low-limit player who's more worried about paying for the next pack of Huggies Pull-ups than the next "Bracelet Race." And for some reason, it took reading Shamus' blog about low-limit PLO and just overplaying the nuts to make me come to this seemingly brutally obvious conclusion. So Sunday, I sat down for two short sessions at .25/.50 PLO...waited for what I felt were the nuts...and ended up with a $150 profit for the day thanks to those who were just SURE that middle and bottom two-pair were good on the flop. Did I outplay them? Not necessarily. Did the $150 prove that I'm a better player? Nope. But does it allow me to keep playing the game that I love without wrapping my three-month-old in an old OSU t-shirt to avoid paying for diapers? You better believe it.

*******

The Big Game last night was highly enjoyable, entertaining and predictably mediocre in terms of my participation. As I have in virtually every blogger event, I held my own, got points and bled myself dry somewhere around the middle of the pack. I would like to blame the cards...I would like to blame the Layer Cake Shiraz...I would like to blame the Sopranos...

But in reality, I am just playing too darned tight in the second stage of these tournaments. I'm not talking about blind steals, but I need to trust my post-flop play and see a few more flops. In larger MTTs, I know I can count on a 3xBB raise to perhaps not thin the field as much as I hoped, but does ensure I can set the cost of seeing the flop. Or fold to the all-in. But these darned bloggers are too well-versed in the re-raise and my enormous ego is terrified I might have to lay down that KdQd or worse yet...call with it.

2007-04-15T15:24:00.000-04:00

In the sordid "straw poll" that is my life, I have found virtually everyone's response to Barry Greenstein's book, Ace on the River, almost identical: readers were left unfulfilled. However, there are two distinct reasons for this feeling of emptiness.

One camp was apoplectic that he hardly spent any time on starting hands. Not only that, but there wasn't a single prop bet story that ended up with anyone fighting Thai women or with anyone else name tattooed on their nether regions. They kept skimming chapters looking for a "how to play poker" section...a road map. Eventually, they tossed the book away in favor of an issue of All-In magazine or Daniel Negraneu's purely topical treatise. These are the people you see in the $1 SnGs dreaming of running that non-existent bankroll back up to the $50 they started with, the observers popping into the higher buy-in tourneys online begging for that extra $6 so they can prove to the "donkey" that busted them who has seen more episodes of High Stakes Poker, or worst of all, the 20-somethings with I-pods in their ears, Oakleys perched on their noses and a "No Fear" card protector at the $2-$4 games.

These are not poker players. These are degenerate gamblers...or fad chasers...or idol worshipers. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not tapping the tank, deriding these "poisson" so that they run away to something more "now" like the housewife staple: Bunko. No. I'm just outlining that I do not intend to write this blog for these people. And if that keeps my readership at one or two, I am fine with that.

When a person overcomes stigma and convention and visits a psychologist...whether for depression or anxiety or a sex addiction...a therapist will not tell you how to live your life. They will arm you with tools, with thought processes, with an approach that will help make you successful. They will not say, "Hypothetically speaking, if the government were to ever so invade your private life that, against the advice of every other country on earth, they take away your right to enjoy your favorite, legal, past time and tie up thousands of dollars in red tape...I want you to act like this." That doesn't happen. People don't expect it.

But so many people are looking for the silver bullet to make them a winning poker player. If only they play pocket 10s a certain way, they will go from a kitchen table to the final table. A book, a blog, a conversation with David Benyamine on Full Tilt while he's trying to earn a living...none of these are going to provide the answers to making you a winning player. That responsibility lies within each person's psyche. You take the information you get from the books, from the blogs, from David, from hours playing online with a baby in one arm and the mouse in the other...you put that information into the prism that is your psychological approach to the game. And depending on the maturity and development of that prism, your poker play will either be a refined, solid product or a distorted and destructive by-product.

Just to clarify...in no means am I comparing myself to Barry Greenstein. Or a board-certified psychologist. I am simply indicating my belief in the importance of perspective and the mental approach to the game of poker. Perhaps this is because I was forced to face the importance of the aforementioned in my real life. I just hope that through these babbling posts and putting my words and thoughts on paper, I will be able to overcome tilt and destructive sessions as I am working to overcome the same at work and at home.

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Tonight is Sunday...and thanks to my successful attempt in my very first token frenzy, I'll be playing in the Big Game tonight. I hope to see everyone there...these blogger events have brought me tremendous enjoyment and serve as constant reminders of how far I have to go to elevate my game.

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The Blue Grass and the Arkansas Derby have done NOTHING to clear up the Derby picture. Wow. Didn't I say that last week after the Wood and the Santa Anita Derby? Polytrack has forever changed the importance of these preps and the unconventional routes being taken by trainers these days has made the Derby more of a guessing game than it ever was. Will we ever see two contenders race against each other on dirt, at a legitimate distance, on dry conditions ever again? I hope not. It's what makes this game fun.

Epiphany...Maybe more...

2007-04-11T15:27:00.000-04:00

There are seminal events in everyone's life that forever alter their path in life. The first time you see a naked woman...do you stare at her breasts, mumble to yourself and deposit the memory in your "Spank Bank" to use at various points in a dark room full of excess tissues? Or...do you look at her hair and comment on the product used to add body? This event will forever set your path. When you watch your first Yankees game...do you vomit out of respect and awe or do you vomit out of hatred and disgust? You're gay or you're not. You're a Yankee fan or you're not. And you're a typical poker/horse racing blogger or you're not.

I'm not.

I was reading some of the blogs on the right side of my page last night while playing in a token frenzy on FT (where I acquired my first $75 token in my virgin career). And it hit me. I don't want to learn how to use Poker X Factor. I don't want to post results of my poor cash game results or my 45th place finish in a $5 PLO tourney on FT that pays top 43. And I'm not entirely sure anyone wants to read it.

My high school english teacher, Mrs. McDonald, was so senile that we used to talk during tests and trade papers to fill out pre-determined sections. Her class didn't teach me much. Except organization and planning. But one thing she did repeat over and over again is to write what you know and you care about.

And then it hit me...I don't care about hand analysis of my $1 SnGs, but I do care about poker politics. I care about the PPA, the UIGEA, state poker politics and the future of online and live poker. And I will use this space to call on everyone to both join and become active in the PPA.

I also care about the psychology of poker. Not in a Dr. Phil way. He's a douchebag. But, I am not embarrassed to admit that I am going through a period of change in my life and a period of great self-evaluation. And I find that it's not only helping my life, but my poker game. And in the future, I will utilize this space to share my thoughts and my journey in hopes that I will not only care about what I'm writing, but that someone will want to read it.

See everyone in the Mookie tonight.

Breaking Every Cardinal Rule...

2007-04-07T13:33:00.000-04:00

I am a public relations professional and as one of the few in my firm under the age of 55, I try to serve as the resident technological expert in the firm (and yes, sadly this includes "IT"). As such, I am the one called in to explain any blog recommendations we might have. I tell my clients that there are two rules to blogs that simply cannot be broken:

1. You must post frequently...every day if possible.

2. You must be interesting and actually blog about something people want to read.
My friends, so far I have admittedly broken BOTH of these rules with this blog. I beg the patience of anyone bored anough to actually read this.

Since I am currently watching the two munchkins and trying to weasel time to watch the Wood and the Masters later today, I'll quickly jot down a few thoughts from the last five days:

-- It's simple. Florida made their shots. Ohio State didn't. The Buckeyes did not get "outplayed" ... they didn't make their shots. This is not up for debate.

-- I've played in my first two blogger tournaments. I have a long way to go.

-- Shockingly enough, I earned points in the Riverchasers event. Yes, Hilary Swank...THAT is a miracle.

-- Austin, TX makes me feel really old and really ugly.

-- While in Austin on business, I was there at the same time a poker bill was being heard before the legislature. I bring this up because I will routinely beg both of you reading this blog to join the PPA.

-- I haven't cashed in a MTT in a LONG time. In reviewing my game, I think I am being too aggressive early in tournaments, playing too many pots and not being smart enough to lay hands down. Yeah. I have a long way to go.

-- In the Wood today, I like Summer Doldrums. I think Nobiz will race well and may win, but is chalky. Pletcher is just using the Wood as an opportunity to get earnings for Any Given Saturday. He will not be disappointed by a second or third place finish.

-- The Santa Anita Derby is just as weak as everyone thinks, but is too afraid to admit.

Halftime of championship game...

2007-04-02T22:30:00.000-04:00

I am writing this at halftime so nobody says this is sour grapes. As a former basketball player, NCAA officiating is an abomination. I say this after watching the first half and I say it on both sides of the ball. The first foul on Conley was ridiculous. The foul on Richard was atrocious. Neither foul on Hunter would have been a foul in any other league anywhere on the planet. And yet Oden comes over the top of Brewer and mugs him, gets SOME ball and that is allowed for the “One Shining Moment” montage at the end. Speaking of which…ITunes is selling those things for $1.99 an episode? They’re three minutes of complete sap that are available all over the internet. Anyone dumb enough/effeminate enough to buy one of those things should get a lifetime ban from ESPN.

I can only hope the second half is more basketball and less figure skating. No offense “Blades of Glory.”

It's the little things...

2007-03-31T22:16:00.000-04:00

When you're gainfully employed, married and the father of two...it's not reaching a WPT final table that gets your blood boiling...it's not playing a nassau for the equivilent of an African nation's GNP...or even a simple cup of coffee with the cute, but approachable "dancer" dressed as the schoolgirl because she is a journalism student and wants to discuss AP style...no...it's the little things.

This morning's Dubai card was one of those little things. Like the British Open, it is on in the US before most people are awake. Correction. Before most people without children are awake. Parents know that alarm clocks are not necessary. Parents know that the soldiers aren’t the only ones that do more by 10 a.m. than most do all day. And only parents can successfully turn on the Disney Channel, prop their children against their shoulder and play .10/.25 PL Omaha 8 while sucking down the lifeblood that is coffee.

But there aren’t many people playing O8 that time of the morning and there isn’t much else to attract the attention of those over the age of four at that time of the morning either. Except for the rare instances like the British Open and Dubai. I have to say the camera angles of the Dubai races are both intriguing and nauseating at the same time. Especially when sleep deprived and struggling through another episode of Little Einsteins. But purses of over $25 million attract the world’s best jockeys, trainers and equines and the travel and the climate always make for interesting results.

I only bet one of the races and cashed. The Dubain Duty Free turf represented fantastic value with everyone’s favorite “bet-against” Lava Man in the field. He was an easy toss and putting English Channel and the two Japanese superstars over some shots in an exacta provided a $180 payday.

But obviously all eyes were on the World Cup. Would Discreet Car prove to be the freak everyone touted him as? Could Invasor run back off the profitable Pick-Three-capping performance in the Breeder’s Cup? Does anyone ACTUALLY play tennis at the top of that building in all the Dubai commercials? Okay, that doesn’t have anything to do with the World Cup, but you know you’re curious.

While we didn’t get the tennis question answered, Discreet Cat ran like a three-legged greyhound and Invasor proved he is far and away the best horse in training. When will people stop doubting this horse? They continue to prop the “freaks” up against him…Bernardini, Lava Man *cough* and Discreet Cat. And one by one he dispatches them in professional and resounding fashion.

Kind of like Ohio State has had detractors all year despite losing three games. AT North Carolina (minus Oden). AT Florida (barely with Oden). And AT Wisconsin. (With a healthy Brian Butchahahaha … I couldn’t get that out). They took care of business against Georgetown tonight and will play Florida on Monday night. Someone said it will be the second time in 2007 that Ohio State played Florida for a national championship. I don’t remember any football game. Never happened.

An Introduction...

2007-03-30T17:33:00.000-04:00

Despite the audible groaning from many across the State of Ohio and from many across the tubes that make up this debacle known as the internet, I am making my triumphant return to the world of blogging.

What? None of you knew I was ever here in the first place? I don’t blame you. Most of you are either a) degenerate gamblers so desperate for blogs you trickled down to mine; b) you’re here accidentally because you typed Brock instead of cock and you’re sorely disappointed; or c) I am related to you and I’ve begged you just to visit the page so SOMEONE has read this damn thing. Oh and MoMo, sorry for the cock reference. You’ll forget it soon enough anyway.

With those initial introductions out of the way, for this initial post, I want to lay out my “constitution” so you get a general feeling for who I am and what I’m about.

I have been married for seven years and I have two children under three.

I am virtually broke (see above).

I have almost zero time for poker or playing the ponies or Las Vegas (see two above).

I am an equal opportunity gambler…unlike many of you, I enjoy MANY ways to lose my money…as I say in the intro to this blog, I consider myself a gambathlete. That said, my favorites are poker, horses, fantasy sports, fantasy porn, wagering on politics and sigma derby. Not necessarily in that order.

I HATE sports betting. I do it. I love to talk about it. But I HATE it. And I suck at it. As I heard someone say, the enjoyment I receive when I win doesn’t off-set the bitter anger when I lose.

I play primarily on Full Tilt Poker, Poker Stats, YouBet and BrisBet/AmericaTab.

I play primarily on voyeurweb.

I enjoy horrific television (Real Housewives of Orange County and Rob and Amber: Against the Odds to name a few).

I am a vocal Republican.

I am a closet pervert.

I once had an obsession with The Brave Little Toaster. No, not the ACTUAL toaster. The movie. I’m not that sick.

I hate the word donkey.

Sometimes I cry that I don’t play Golden Tee as much as I used to.

Sometimes I cry that I don’t have as much hair as I used to.

I have an enormous ego.

I play mostly tournaments. Horse betting or poker…mostly tournaments.

I play mostly NL Hold’em and harness racing.

I prefer to play Omaha Hi/Lo and thoroughbred racing.

I would rather watch the Little Brown Jug than the Kentucky Derby.

I would rather attend the Kentucky Derby than the Little Brown Jug.

I think Barack Obama is fleecing America and is mostly an incarnation of the media.

I play in a poker league with other degenerate gamblers who also happen to be husbands and fathers. Including my own father.

I learned to gamble from my father.

My wife routinely blames my father for my gambling.

I went to a small Division III college.

I am a diehard Ohio State fan.

I promise to never tell a bad beat story on my blog unless there’s a teaching lesson in it.

I ask that you never e-mail me a bad beat story unless there’s a teaching lesson in it for me.

My blogs are routinely too long.

I’ve never won more than $200 in a poker tournament.

I’ve spent more than $200 in an hour at a strip club.

I’ve never bought into an online poker tournament with a buy-in over $10.

I’ve never bought into a live poker tournament with a buy-in over $60.

Okay, that pretty much sums it up for now. Me in a nutshell. Please feel free to e-mail/comment whenever you wish. I’m usually sitting at home broke and awake (see first line from this constitution).