I hate Phil Gordon

I've always found him arrogant, self-righteous, whiny and someone who has parlayed an appearance on Celebrity Poker into a media "empire" where he promptly derides poker players who gain celebrity through artificial means. Huh. Really, Phil? I listen to his ESPN podcast just to hate him and I listened to the WSOP podcasts on expertinsight just to revel in his defeats.

All that said, I now have a new reason to hate Phil Gordon. He was the "host" of FTOPS 1 last night, the $500K guaranteed NL HE event. As I indicated yesterday, while I busted out of the 50+5 tournament on Tuesday night, I was parlaying my money saved by cheaply satelliting into the HORSE event to play the turbo sat last night. And so I did. Phil Gordon, kiss my ass.

With blinds at 60/120, I'm still right about the starting stack. I get dealt 8-8 on the button. Not exactly a monster, but with UTG flat-calling and everyone else folding to me, I figured it was time to make a stand with the blinds creeping up. I raised it up to 540. SB and BB folded and the UTG called for time. I thought maybe a ragged, suited ace or smaller pair than mine and I felt in good shape. I was relatively happy when he turned over 8s9s. Of course you can see the results. Good times.


That crippled me, but didn't knock me out. But 4-4 ran up against AK and a flop of x-K-K ended that tournament.

SOOOOO...I just quit, right? I mean, I barely had any money left in my account and there were many more FTOPS events, right? Nope I joined a $69 last chance tournament. Ran AK into AA after a J-x-J-K board. Blow me, Phil Gordon.

So of course, NOW I'm done, right? I mean, I only have $21 in my account. Yeah right. After multi-tabling .05/.10 games, I made enough in two minutes to join the last, last chance tourney. Single table, winner gets a seat. I can do it, right? First hand:


Now, I have never been one of those people that says online poker is rigged. I think it's a result of two things: people playing a lot more hands online and a lot more hands going to the river because people are too dumb to fold. That said, I'm pretty sure Full Tilt rigged this so that everyone dumb enough to play this, got exactly what they deserved.

So my account sits at .60. Again. Luckily, I knew me affinity for doing this. So the money I won the night before and that day playing higher limit PL HE, I used to buy into two other satellites (PL HE and Main Event) and I already won my seat to HORSE. So I'll still have a shot. But Phil Gordon, your smiling mug staring back at me on the FT software was too much and I just had to enter that tournament to get a piece of "your" money. You, sir, are a douchebag.

Some might call this a gambling problem. But I truly think it is more of an ego problem. I don't do this with slots or blackjack or anything else. I play with the money I have at those games and quit, whether ahead of behind, because I feel like it's all luck (yes, blackjack and video poker players, I know that you can close to negate the house edge over the long-run, but short-term results are luck...so bite me). But poker, I feel like if I only get a chance in these larger tournaments, I am going to cash and be successful. So see, Madame Therapist, it's an ego problem, NOT a gambling problem.

Ooops, time to wrap this up. there might be a .50 cent satellite starting soon. Only 10 straight wins and I get a seat in some tourney. I think first prize is a Phil Gordon voodoo doll.

Well...if I don't make any more...

I qualified for FTOPS 2 ... the HORSE event in an $8 satellite today. One seat given out...46 players. Not braggin'. I'm just saying.

SOOOOOO...the money I was GOING to use to satellite into the HORSE event will now go to the 6:30 turbo sat for FTOPS 1.

Play the rush.

FTOPS off to a Quadarrific start

As I laid out yesterday, I bought into my first FTOPS satellite last night. $50 +5 for entry into FTOPS #1 ($216 NL HE), but the best part was FT making them non-turbo tournaments and giving starting stacks of T2,000. *rubbing hands* Eeeeexcellent.

With over 650 entrants and 150 getting seats, conscientious poker was the name of the game. A lot of folding in the first few levels, not trying to get involved in any hands at the 10/20 and 20/40 levels that might bust me. I have altered my approach a little early in these large tournaments. I tried for the longest time to enter a lot of pots early in tournaments hoping to catch a big hand and bust someone. I've found that the implied value isn't all that great though as in these larger tournaments, the percentage of solid players is a little higher and if you have, oh, I don't know, 5-5, and you make a set or play 7s8s and the flop comes 6-9-10, you're probably not going to get a lot of action. You're more likely to play 10 hands, lose 20% of your stack by the time the third level starts.

SOOOOO...played very tight. Won a few small pots, got dealt QQ in back-to-back hands and didn't see a flop either time. About 45 minutes into the tournament, I was still hovering around the starting stack, with blinds at 30/60. I picked up, oh, I don't know, say 5-5 on the button. Oddly, there were four callers by the time action got to me. I just called, hoping to flop a five, or most likely, fold. The small blind called and the BB checked so we went to the flop seven-handed.

Flop came down Kh, 3c, 3h. Gotta figure there's a K out there and maybe an A3, so my fives are no good. Surprisingly, the action was checked around. I was happy to see a free card in hopes of catching a five, preferably of hearts so I could felt someone with a nut flush. Much to my surprise...as rarely happens, I called for the five and it fell, 5s. I dialed in and focused on the action before me, trying to figure an amount that would get maximum profit out of this hand. But my radar went up when first-act min-bet. With seven people still in the hand, this is HIGHLY suspicious.

He got four callers and I just decided to call, hoping that a heart would fall on the river...but in the back of my mind, I started worrying about KK. River was a 6s. No flush, but did put a straight on the board (although highly unlikely as someone would have had to play 2-4 or 4-7). First-act min bets AGAIN. Now I have a STRONG suspicion I am beat. Here I am, sitting on a full boat, and I am convinced I'm beat. Shockingly, player to his left raises to 240. Here was the only mistake I feel I made. I re-raised to 780. If I was so convinced I was beat, I should have been happy to win what was in the pot. That said, chances are really good that the initial raiser was going to do the honors as he made it 1,320.

Initial raiser flat calls. I have about 500 chips left, but I just KNOW I'm beat by KK here and I want to try to stay alive so I also flat call. Here you go:


Not ONLY was I beat by quads, the six on the river gave me a worse boat. Now, I am not going to rush to 2+2 and post the hand and ask how I could have gotten away from my boat. There's no way I am not seeing the river here, most likely. I knew I was beat, I was right, but I still had enough chips left to fight another day. It happens. I just wish it didn't happen in a $50+5 satellite. But that's why people of my mediocre means shouldn't be playing these higher buy-in tournaments. Entertainment, right?

Bust-out hand was anti-climactic. An orbit later, I picked up 4-4 UTG with blinds going up and I shoved. Folded around. I immediately got moved to another table and was UTG again. I got A8, one of my LEAST favorite hands to shove, but getting the BB and having a stack of around 400, I did it anyway. FT decided to give me one final kick in the balls as it unceremoniously sent me to the rail:


I figured I would lose to AJ or AQ or 9-9...not AA AND 10-10. Good times.

So there's my first foray into the latest iteration of FTOPS. If I can restrain myself, I will avoid the $50+5 turbo satellite tonight and focus on the HORSE event. But, as all nine readers of my blog know, restraint isn't my best feature. It's somewhere near the bottom along with my receding hairline, expanding waistline and affinity for Chicken in a Biskit crackers.

Quickly...

I just checked my blog stats...just for fun. And I know that I don't post a lot or have a lot of technically interesting poker analysis, but it appears I have nine religious readers because every time I post, I get nine hits on my blog. Nine. Wow. Thanks to my mom, my parole officer, Andy Dick and my other six readers.

On a similar topic, I checked where the majority of my readers ordinarily come from. One of my top referring pages is a google search on Walter Mathieu. I referenced Mathieu in my eulogy for my grandfather. And that's one of the top ways people find my blog.

Good times.

As a PR professional, if I really care about someone reading this drivel, perhaps I should put some of my "tricks" to good use.

Lord help me...

I'm actually anxious about the first FTOPS satellite tonight. Lord, help me. I'll need it.

As I indicated below, I am bust in my FT account. While I did re-load for the expressed, written intent of playing in the FTOPS events ONLY, I thought it made some sense to reflect upon my goals for my $130 deposit some time ago.

1) Buy PokerTracker (nope...never had the money laying around)
2) USE PokerTracker (see above)
3) Keep track of success in token frenzies to check for +EV (didn't play in any)
4) Play in only token sit n gos (Was 2-2 so I had that going for me, which is nice)
5) Do not directly buy-in to any tournament over $10+1 (HA! If that didn't include the 50-50)
6) Do not play any cash games higher than .25/,50 until bankroll is doubled (HA! If that didn't include the 50-50...and Omaha)
7) Do not play any Hi/Lo games (nada)
8) PL HE is preferred, actually play it (I don't think I played any NL HE cash games)

Sooooooo...looks like I managed to complete three of the above. Sort of. Wow that's weak. No wonder I went bust. For me, I still think the above stipulations would lead to winning poker. But sadly, it appears we'll never find out.

See y'all in FTOPS.

BBT Freeroll, FTOPS

A quick note on the second-chance BBT freeroll from last week. I likened the second chance I received in this tournament, by having it completely started over, to getting an inquiry in a horse race you were sure you lost. If that's true, then the results of the second-chance tournament are synonymous with realizing that you weren't even watching the correct horses and your horse actually pulled up in the backstretch.

As I indicated, I got home from PIB last week...specifically, 9:55 on Thursday night. The freeroll started at 10. I got the family and the luggage out of the car, unpacked the suitcase, got the kids in bed and fired p the computer by about 10:10 or 10:15. I had lost a few blinds, but with the starting stacks as big as they were, it didn't even make a dent. I should have just let it blind me out.

DD, I owe you an apology. You were actually the better of the two of us in this event. By far. Technically, I think I still placed better than you did. But that's irrelevant. I cannot remember a single hand from the tournament. I cannot remember the hand I busted out on. All I remember is that Hoy knocked me out on a hand that I remember thinking, "I don't know that I have ever played a hand this badly." I can remember hands from tournaments I played five years ago. And I can't remember a single hand from last Thursday's freeroll.

You think state of mind doesn't make a difference in poker? Game of luck. Right.

Again, DD, I'm sorry. In fact, I'm also sorry about the burglar jokes the night you wore all black to our league championship. I'm sure you were just doing a Johnny Cash thing to get respect. But I have to tell you, "ring of fire" wasn't about poker.

FTOPS V starts tomorrow on Full Tilt. Well, it starts for me tomorrow as it's the first $50+5 satellite and those are the only attempts I'm making to get into any of the fields. With $7 million in guaranteed prize money, it's the closest I get to playing for "real money." I have my eye on Event #1 (500K guaranteed NL HE), Event #2 (150K guaranteed HORSE), Event #3 (200K guaranteed PL HE), Event #6 ($1 million guaranteed NL HE) and the Main Event ($2 million guaranteed). If I can manage to first get INTO any of these tournaments and secondly CASH in any of these tournaments, I might also try for Event #8 (Omaha Hi/Lo)...but frankly, that's asinine.

On a more important note, I just got my hat for cashing in the PL HE event in FTOPS IV. And by more important, I mean, please bid on Item #195050302 on e-bay and buy the damn hat so I have some money to try to enter the above tournaments. I have .70 cents in my FT account right now.

*sigh*

"Why God? Show your hand...why can't one guy understand?"

NOTE: This blog was to have been posted Tuesday, but a trip to Redneck Annapolis, er, Put-In-Bay postponed the post.

Yes, the subject is a quote from Miss Saigon...but why can't a poker player be culturally aware? Why does it have to make me ghey? It's an apt quote for poker though, don't you think?

Specifically, I played in the 50-50 last night (Monday) and needless to say, things did not go well. I was out in the 700-800s, but it was how I went out that is so frustrating.

What is it about online poker specifically that makes you disbelieve? If poker is a story, from tournaments all the way down to hands, if there is a hand and the story doesn't add up, then you've probably uncovered a bluff. But what makes you skip to the end of a story, know the conclusion, and still make a stupid call anyway? What about online poker makes you think, "Nah, I have to be wrong, he can't have me beat?"

I thought the difficult part of poker would be knowing when I was beat...being able to read my opponents and play like the cards are face-up. But I've found, the more I play, that the most difficult part is trusting my instincts, trusting my experience and laying down a hand when I know I'm beat.

For the longest time, I was playing at micro-limits and in micro-tournies and I kept telling myself "if only I could play higher limits and make advanced plays, trust my reads lay down hands." And yet, now that I am playing at a little higher stakes and in a little higher buy-in tournies, I am STILL acting like I'm playing pacific poker donkeys.

Specifically, in the 50-50, I picked up JJ in early position. I bumped it up about 2.5x big blind. I usually don't do this, I almost always bet 3 or 3.5x big blind and I consider this my first mistake. I get two callers and the flop comes down coordinated under-cards. I am first to act and I make a 1/2 pot bet. I'm okay with this as I think I am trapping over-cards that might make a stab at the pot. One guy folds, but the second player re-raises me. If I fold my hand right here, I would still have about 800 or 900 chips. And I don't know how, but I know instantly he has hit a set. I feel it.

So do I lay down the hand to fight another day when I have the best of it? Nope. I push the rest of my chips into the pot, he flips his set of nines and I am down to like 75 chips and out the next hand. If poker is truly about making the right decisions, what do you do if you make the right decision, you just habitually do the opposite? How do you learn to trust that instinct that's telling you, "Lay the hand down you f-ing moron. You didn't listen to me when I told you not to eat that 40oz of steak...for the love of God, listen to me know."

Full Tilt account is down to $88.