I SWEAR this isn't a once-a-week blog...it just looks that way

I can't believe it has been a week since my prolific prose has graced the blogosphere. Unfortunately, between the turmoil in my personal and professional life, c'est la vie.

As I sat in the living room of my in-laws' house in parochial, Primanti's-obsessed (Thanks NewinNov for reminding me to link to this) and poverty-stricken Pittsburgh listening to my father-in-law opine on the finer aspects of Avon's soap-on-a-rope, I thankfully allowed my mind to wander to an even more disgusting topic: my poker play since FTOPS.

Not only have I not cashed in any tournaments, I have been an equal-opportunity mule in cash games...giving my money away at HORSE, OE8, Omaha and even NL HE which I said I was swearing off forever. Each night when I sit down to play, as I click "register" and smooch au revoir to a little more of my pathetic bankroll, I KNOW I am not in a mindset to play. I am pre-occupied and impatient and as far from the analytical rounder of FTOPS as Lindsay Lohan is from her starring role in Freaky Friday. And yet I play. And I lose.

About the time my father-in-law got to exact body parts best for said soap on said rope, I had decided it was time for a poker mantra, a poker manifesto. Something I could read each and every time I sit down for a poker tournament (or my rare cash game appearances) that will put me in the right frame of mind to play "my game." I challenge anyone who doesn't already have a written mantra to craft one and post it in your blog...as everyone's will be different. Based on Fuel55's MATH performance last night, I'm guessing his will consist of:

1) Go all-in.

2) ... repeat.

But he WELL out-lasted my ass so I shouldn't say anything. If we went by last night's MATH performance, my mantra would simply be, slow-play a set to get a LOT of chips then donk them off shortly thereafter when you're about a big dog. I think I had pot odds to make that call though. But I digress.

Finally, after that long-winded introduction, I give you my poker mantra.

No Porn until after the tournament. Well, maybe at breaks.

AK is a drawing hand.

Flushes are over-rated. Do NOT be a soooted donk. You will lose a lot of chips chasing them and may not win much if they hit.

In the first three levels, if I don't hit the flop HARD...fold...

Percentages are just that. Percentages. They are not absolutes.

I would rather win a small pot with AA and KK than lose a big one

JJ and 10-10 and 9-9 are still JUST pocket pairs

Poker is not about whose dick is bigger…let them think theirs is and then whack them upside the head with yours

It’s okay not to continuation bet the turn…checking can be your friend

I am not a draw donkey…so stop acting like one

Pot odds need not be exact, but they need to be relevant

Poker is poker, it is on the internet more than "Leave it to Beaver" re-runs (With apologies to Pete Gillen)...if you play poorly in a tournament, there's another one later...or tomorrow...or next Sunday.

I am prepared to go out in last place of a tournament if I have followed the above.

I don't want to turn this into a dreaded "blog tag" ... but I am very curious to read the mantras of some other bloggers. May I name five?

Hoy

Cowboy Poker

Astin

CMitch

Drizzt

It was a fantastic learning experience...that's what losers say, right?

Before I commence with the dreary circumstances which pockmark my FTOPS Main Event, I need to take a second to congratulate Hoy and CMitch...and any other bloggers I may have missed who cashed. Hoy was in the top 20 at one time in chips and put in a great run. I saw CMitch down at one point to virtual felt on the virtual felt and he rallied for a >$1,000 score. Congrats fellas.

On to a less successful poker player: me.

My trip to the FTOPS ME is described below so I won't bore you (again) with those details. I sat down at 6 p.m. after a power dinner of cheap, fattening, Pittsburghy goodness and my third Rockstar of the day and dreams of the $300,000 first prize. Those dreams almost came to an end before the jitters kicked in, courtesy of the caffeine and various mysterious "shamanistic" goodies in Rockstar.

Taking one of my patented chances early on (when I still had most of my $5,000 starting stack remaining), I limped in mid-early position with Q-10 of hearts and there were two callers and the big blind checked. I flopped a flush with the ace out and was confident I had the best hand. I made a small bet, the two limpers folded and the BB flat called. I didn't like this...I didn't think he would do that with top pair and it ran through mym ind that he might have A-5 or A-9. The turn was an ace. I REALLY didn't like this. But he checked and I checked behind to keep the pot small. Good move. The river was a queen...inconsequential. He bet $1,000. He only had $1,500 behind as he had lost a decent-size pot earlier. The SMART move here was to call and take my beating like a man. The IDIOT thing to do was try to bust a guy and make a big move early and re-raise him. Guess which I did? Amateur. Amateur.


Two hands later, the foreshadowing gods bestowed upon me pocket sixes. I had around $2,500 left and checked with three limpers in front of me. The flop came 6-3-2 rainbow. Top set, but a coordinated board and on a limped pot, I am nervous. I make a small bet and get one flat caller. Chasing? A-4? A-5? Overcards? A king comes on the turn. I bet out again. Called. River is a four. I'm just sure I'm beat. But I'm down to $1,500 and what am I going to do with that when everyone else has $5,000? I push. He flips bottom set. Phew. I almost had t4o spend a night with my wife and kids. Can't have that.


I treaded water for awhile, but was slowly sinking when I picked up KK UTG. I raised a healthy amount and got called by the button. Flop is all undercards and I bet pot...button goes all-in. Set? Nah...wouldn't have called the first bet. Aces? Maybe. But I have to call. He flips tens and I'm up to $7,500.

A few orbits later, I'm un the cut-off with Jd10d. Large stack UTG calls, UTG+1 is the biggest stack at the table and pops it to 520 which he had been doing with any face cards. I called to see the flop and so did the UTG. Flop came down 2-3-8 with two clubs. After two checks, I bet 2/3 pot figuring they couldn't have possibly hit that flop. They both fold. Position is a beautiful thing.

Okay, I'm boring myself. Let's skip to the end. I made it 4.5 hours. With about 750 people left, I had about $8,500 left and blinds at 400/800 with 100 ante. I got pocket sixes in middle position. It was folded around to me and I made what I deem to be my first BIG mistake since I pushed that flush that was no good. I KNOW that it's fold or push here. I know that. And yet, I made the mistake of looking at the tourney update. Even with my pathetic stack I was 640th and the top 522 pay. That money would mean a lot to my bankroll. It would virtually BE my bankroll. So I let that get the best of me and I just raised $3,000.

Folded around to the big blind and he let his timer run all the way down. So far in fact, I thought he folded. Until I saw the flop. 5-9-Q. BB checked to me. With $5,500 left, I thought he might have played an ace hoping to hit a flop or fold. Regardless, I was more than pot committed at this point in the tournament and wasn't about to fold (hence why I should have just PUSHED pre-flop). So I pushed. And he insta-called. With KQ. Tournament over. 749th place. Because I'm an idiot. In fairness to my idiotness, I was completely cold-decked for the last two hours of the tournament. I was a stealing machine just to stay alive. I didn't have a choice. But still...I push there and I don't think he can call with KQ and who knows what happens.

Bottom line though, I couldn't have possibly enjoyed the two FTOPS events I played in any more (okay, if I had won...maybe). I had the exhileration of satelliting in (that's what I tell myself as opposed to being too broke), I cashed in one and feel that I played some of my best poker in the other. Most importantly, it gave me experience and confidence. Both had been sorely lacking lately. Oh, and one more thing: I hate cash games.

I have been playing cash games like a slot machine, trying to hit and run. Mostly I was getting hit. And everytime I would think, "do you know how many $10 tournies I could have entered with the money I just lost on that hand?" I know that fundamentally there are two different types of minds that play cash vs. tournies and while people play both, almost everyone has a preference. I'm no longer cash-curious. I'm straight...tournaments.

Congrats again to Hoy and CMitch...looking forward to the next FTOPS.

That said, don't look for me tonight. I think I'll be taking a little break. For the good of my bankroll. And my marriage.

The hand that kept me out of the FTOPS Main Event...and the hand that put me in

It's 18 minutes before the FTOPS main event with its $1.5 million guaranteed prize pool and I wanted to quickly jot down the circumstances through which I got a seat.

I took the winnings from my FTOPS 8 luckformance and tried a few satellites
into the big one. I started with a $24 super into the $100 main sat....and...yeah..that didn't go so well. So I bought directly into the $100 and into two $24 satellites. In one of the $24 satellites I was sitting pretty with over $6,000 and was in the top 3 with 30 people left and 8 getting seats. In the small blind, I looked at AdKd. Two limpers into the pot, I popped it 4x BB and BB went all-in.

The two limpers folded and I was almost forced to call. The hand unfolded as follows:


Doh.

I was left with about $1,500 chips and a failed double-up attempt later, I was out.

The good news was that I remained alive in the $100 satellite (read between the lines on how the other $24 sat went). And a single hand in that tourney changed my luck too...but for the better. After a successful steal on the guy to my right, I peeked at 88 in the BB. Undoubtedly annoyed at my steal in the previous hand, the SB pushed on me. I was thrilled when he flipped the Brunson. My hand held up and I was up over $9,500. With less than 300 people left and 265 getting a seat, the last 15 minutes were an eternity and full of folding and folding and people taking the entire time allotment. That and the douchebags with $40,000 raising the guys with $3,500. I HATE that.

Long story short, I qualified when I was in the BB and had $985 left. But the best story was BBT stalwart Bayne_S who had $285 with antes at 250 when the bubble burst.

Good luck to all in the Main Event...Bayne, Hoy, et al...see you at the final table.

The players in FTOPS 8 are my bitches...well, at least players 64-1,100

I finished 63rd in FTOPS 8 for a cash in my first ever FTOPS event.
That's the good news.

The bad news is that I can't help but feel like I didn't play very well and just got cold-cocked by the deck...instead of getting cold-decked. In honor of my first ever tourney buy-in over $100, I downloaded a screenshot program to help in case I felt like posting any hands on my blog. In looking over the ones I saved...I'm almost embarrassed to include them.

I wish I had stories of well-executed traps, stone bluffs run on prolific online pros...instead I have stories of flopped full houses, flopped nut-flushes and miracle rivers.

Don't get me wrong, I know that to cash in a tournament like FTOPS is an achievement regardless of the circumstances. There were several pots I correctly identified a steal attempt and took the pot with a well-timed re-raise. There were several intuitive lay-downs that proved to be lifesavers. But I think every big pot came my way via the cards, not the play.

In the early stages of the tournament, I limped with 3d4d to see if I could get a glimpse of a free flop. The button min-raised. I called and the flop came: Ad-4c-10d...I bet the pot to see where I was and was re-raised immediately. I figured I was facing AK here...maybe AQ...but I had already taken a hit and needed to get back in. So I pushed and was insta-called. I was looking for a diamond, but a 4 came on the river and doubled me up. Not much skill there. Quite the opposite. I never push flush-draws...but I think I was a tad intimidated and tried to get some chips to play with.

I promptly donked off a lot of those chips to one of the chip leaders a few hands later. I had pocket sevens and flat called to try to trip up. The big blind, a large stack, checked. The flop came 6-8-K with two clubs. BB checked to me and I didn't make him for a king...so I bet pot. He called after a few seconds. The turn was another king. I bet pot again. I didn't see anyway he could call now. But he did. The river was a club, he bet 3/4 of my remaining stack and I folded.


The next pivotal hand was my most frustrating. I was getting shortstacked and looked at pocket 9s. I had every intention of pushing, but a pot-bet by an early position big-stack, an all-in by a short stack later, the action is on me. The 9s and a pot that size was too much to pass up...I put the early position raiser on overcards, but while I had NO IDEA what the shortstack held, I pushed. Initial raiser thought for a minute and called my additional money. As expected, the raiser had AQ and shortie had some suited connectors.

I'll spare the play-by-play, but my trips lost to a rivered straight. I still won some chips from the side-pot, but I was crippled.


A few hands later, with less than 10X BB, I made a cardinal sin and just min-raised with two low cards hoping to see a flop. I hit my six on the flop, and went check-check. The turn was a four and I was confident I was ahead here. I check-pushed and the SB thought he smelled a steal. his 4s were no good and I doubled-up.


The next hand led to some derogatory comments in the chat box, but I don't feel it was completely deserved. I had lost a few hands and was spiraling downward..perhaps a little on tilt...and raised from the cut-off. I was re-raised 2.5 times my initial bet by the small-blind. I don't know why, but I was confident he didn't have an ace and I still had enough chips that if I didn't get one on the flop I could fold and still have a chance so I called. Needless to say, the flop was kind. He checked, I pushed and he called.


In a poster-child for not limping with aces, see the following hand:


And the luck continues.

Shortly thereafter, the bubble burst and while I was ecstatic to cash, I looked and the bubble boy was BBT participant CMitch. I had looked earlier and he was in the top-10 and was shocked to see him in the most frustrating position in poker.

Given the cash and the fact that the next 50 or so spots earned roughly the same amount of money, I loosened up my play a little but I don't believe that had anything to do with the following hand. I found AK in the small blind. UTG +2 raised and since I HATE AK and really consider it like 10J...a simple drawing hand, I called. When the flop came A-Q-J, I just KNEW he had AQ or AJ and had two-pair. But I wasn't going to fold if he bet so I just pushed hoping he had a pocket pair and would fold. He didn't. Sure enough, I was facing AJ and it took a MIRACLE king on the river to keep my improbable run alive.


After a steal attempt with disappointing results and a few unfavorable flops, I was barely going to make it through the blinds the next time around. The next pay level had just come and gone and I didn't have anything to lose. I HATE pushing with A-no face in this position, much prefer 8-9 or 7-8, but I didn't have a choice and made the "crying" push. A medium stack thought for a LONG time before calling with 7-7. This was the best I could possibly have hoped for, but I had used up all my luck and was sent to the rail in 63rd.



A few final thoughts. I loved the experience of playing in FTOPS. It was the first "major" tournament I've ever played in (I haven't even played a Sunday Major) and it served as a great reminder that while my game has come a long way, I still have a long way to go. I am in a hurry so I don't have access to exact hand histories that might make some of the aforementioned plays a little more reasonable, but overall I don't think I played as poorly as this sounds and I don't think I played as well as my finish would indicate. But that's poker.

I have to say, I LOVE PL Hold'Em. I don't think I have ever played a PL Hold'Em tourney before and it just suits my game so well. I am not a big risk-taker, especially pre-flop, and have a tendency to get too tight toward the bubble and a little later in tourneys and without antes, these events are tailor-made for me. Then again, so are flopped boats and nut flushes.

I may try to use some of my winnings to take a few satellite shots at the main event for Sunday...I have to have something to do while I wait 8-12 weeks for my Full tilt hat to come in for cashing in an FTOPS event. Provided they don't withhold it for poor play. Which I may deserve.

FTOPS is my bitch...well, at least the satellites

Okay, so that might be a little strong. Seeing as we're 8 events in and I haven't played in any FTOPS yet despite blowing most of my bankroll trying. However, Wippy finally gets over as I'll be playing in FTOPS 8 tonight. I was online donking my way out of Riverchasers and the $10 Daily Double tourneys when I saw a $50 satellite starting for FTOPS 8 that would reward almost 1/4 of the field with seats into the $216 event.

Despite the crippling account the tourney would take on the bankroll, one of my goals has been to play in an FTOPS (without buying in) and with the series winding down, I figured this would be one of my best opportunities. Well over 100 of my closest friends joined the tournament and 25 seats were awarded. I was down to less than $1,000 in a blink of an eye when AJ, AK, AK back-to-back-to-back failed to bring any chips my way. But I caught a few hands, made two moves on medium stacks that I knew would be too afraid to gamble and I was in the top 10 with 50 people left.

Then one of the most excruciating experiences of my poker life occured. It took FOREVER to get down the last 25 people. I have spent more than my fair share of time on the bubble in MTTs, in satellites, in SnG...but this was the most disgusting display of folding I have ever seen at EVERY table. People were just folding to the big blind everytime so AT MOST the small blind was the only thing moving every hand. It was physically painful. This coincided with a brutal run of cards for me and I couldn't even play a pot with any confidence.

I finally decided to try to make a little move once the blinds got above 250/500...and ran into pocket aces. So my "sure thing" was now on life support. Luckily I had a complete d-bag on my left and when I raised from the button with "the hammer" ... despite the fact that he was in the top-5 in chips, he decided to call me. The flop came down 4-7-J...I underbet the pot, trying to make it look like I had flopped something...and true to his calling station upbringing, he just flat called. I was slightly nervous, but confident in my read that he is an utter twatwaffle and then the 7 came down on the turn, I was even more confident. I underbet the pot again and this time he decided he'd had enough and put me all-in. I gladly called and he flipped A-4o.

That pot put me safely in position and I pretty much folded my way to a seat. But I still can't get over his play. Not the call on the flop...although rather odd. But why even play that pot at all? Did he think he’d get an “extra” seat if he won? He was safely in the chips…and sure, you don’t want to lay down a premium hand here but A-4? Okay, maybe if you flop the ace and don’t think I have one…make a play. Fine. But flop bottom pair and call?

Usually, when you see questionable plays, you can at least somewhat understand what the player was thinking…no matter how illogical and incorrect. This one? I’m flabbergasted. The good news is, I know there’s ONE person in FTOPS 8 I can beat. But that may be it.

That tuning fork goes off in your loins ...

No, this isn't about the porn "p" ... it's the poker "p."

Hopefully it is well-documented by now that I struggle with the psychological aspect of the game. My mood swings dramatically alter my play and my Jekyl and Hyde personas can be somewhere between Alan Kessler and Joe Sebok...and Jason Alexander.

True to form, Sunday I decided I was going to play in FTOPS 3 and I spent over 3/4 of my bankroll on trying to qualify. Of course, I didn't. I then proceeded to donk the REST of my bankroll off at the Omaha tables, playing WAY too high of limits, trying to get it all back quickly as I didn't have any money to recharge the account.

By the end of Sunday night, my Full Tilt Poker account had $25.32 in it. At least I had:

Sadly, it wasn't until Monday night at 9:30 that I realized the problem with my plan to make the HOY my bankroll panacea (no, not the fact that I had never cashed in a BBT event)...Mondays at the HOY is a $26 buy-in. So clearly I just played a little .05/.10 hold'em, watched Heroes and went to bed, right? Hell no. I sat at an Omaha table and had my bankroll down to $13 before winning a $13 pot and I logged into the HOY at 9:55.

Now, anyone who has ever been to Vegas knows how this story should end. I should donk off all of my starting chips, lose in the first level and kick myself over and over again for chasing and chasing and chasing. And according to the ultimate HOY champ, Astin, that's the direction I was heading, "I'll be honest, when I was next to him early in the tournament I didn't think he stood a chance to go deep with the way he was playing." And yet...wait for it...wait for it...I finished second for a $250 score. I feel like the Earth has stopped rotating...a twinkie has actually decomposed...these types of events bend the space-time continuim. You're never supposed to win in these situations. There must be a plan for me. For this money.

It HAS to be to spend it all to buy into FTOPS 5 tonight for $216.

Right?

I will lose all "Table Cred"

But it's a risk I'm willing to take, even with the Mookie tonight.

So here it is. I am a ridiculously low-limit player with minimal success in my past performance line. Wow. It feels better to get that out there.

Now that we've established that, anyone reading this (my mother and some ridiculously bored inmates...thank you Iggy) has context for what I'm about to say.

I cashed last night in the $10 Daily Double A tournament on Full Tilt, finishing sixth out of over 1,100 entrants for a cool $400, taking my Full Tilt bankroll over $500 for the first time ever. Yes, you read that right. Not only is this my biggest cash ever in online poker, but the first time my account has been over $500. I have never deposited more than $125 in FT at any one time and have been grinding, grinding and grinding and playing WAY above my bankroll.

This cash was satisfying for several reasons. First of all, I finally have a legitimate online cash on my resume...popping my cherry if you will. "You're my Cherry Pie..." sorry...Warrant flashback. Secondly, it is the first time I have ever loosened my play up enough in the late stages of a large tournament to do anything other than bubble. Because I have been playing so far over my head, every $15 is important so instead of pushing with those pocket sevens, I make a limp-wristed call and fold when the 10-6-2 flop comes down. Yeah, I suck.

But more importantly, it drastically underscored the importance of bankroll management, even for a recreational player. The comfort level I had playing in that tournament, playing to win, not to save enough for the next .05/.10 PL Omaha table took me into a completely different mindset and completely elevated my game. I had always viewed bankroll management as simply a financial issue. Sure, I felt a little more tight when playing above my head (read: could barely breathe in the $5 PL Omaha game at 9:45), but I convinced myself that it didn't affect my play. Ha.

The scary thing is that now I don't have an excuse. I have $500 to play with, plenty of tournaments and tables that fall within that range and I need to practice what I'm currently preaching and play within that bankroll. We shall see. However, I can foresee an epic battle in the near future between my newfound view on bankroll management and my aforementioned quest for respect. With FTOPS on the horizon and the WSOP looming in the distance, I fear for my bankroll's safety.

And not just from that "Brazen Beauty" inmate.